this weekend, life finally slowed down a bit. spent my days w/ dan & his folks at the jersey shore, not working & not doing physics. it was a pretty sweet deal. there was one disagreement. my spouse says "argument", but i disagree. i feel like arguments = anger & maybe even some yelling, or raised voices at least. as a rule, we generally raise our voices only in fun, not in anger. in the end, we did not agree... which is ok. i hope to shed some light on things the next time we're all together. i wasn't prepared this weekend.
as a result of the slower pace of life, i've been sleeping pretty well. maybe it's just the fall weather?! i took naps & slept through the night on saturday & sunday (unheard of). i've also had some incredibly vivid dreams. this morning's was particularly disturbing & when i woke up, i couldn't help but burst into tears. in my dream, which was oh-so-real, dan decided to leave me. he was exceedingly cold about the whole thing... really didn't care at all. he was dressing weird - even had new shoes he'd received from some internet dating site. he said he'd decided he'd rather be with an artist & he didn't love me anymore... it was awful. so that was how my day started :)
...it ended with me receiving my physics test back. my teacher is crazy & goes way too fast & is all over the place when he "lectures", but thank god he's a nice guy("idiot" according to dan). there was a total of aproximately 300 points on our test. we weren't required to answer all the questions (some sections said "answer 6 & only 6...") anyway, i figured i'd cut my losses by answering EVERYTHING i possibly could, just in case the points counted. it took me an ungodly 4 hours to finish the test... here's the kicker - i got %162!! what the hell?!?! anyway, i don't even care. i passed & i've learned a lot. props to my live-in tutor!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
why do i try to make life as stressful as possible? i'm not sure... work's taken it all out of me lately. but it's my fault because i gave more than 100%, which left me with nothing.
took our group to a soup kitchen today. it was pretty interesting stuff. not mind-blowing or anything. but it definitely made me feel very thankful for all the ease in my life... for everything that i've had access to without having to work for it. a lot of privilege, that's what i have. but there are a lot of folks out there without ease & privilege, trying to make it in this world. it's a tough place & i don't even know the half of it.
what i do know is i'm damn lucky - though it has nothing to do with luck.
i also know that physics is lame & i have a test tomorrow. a real test. so i'm going to bed in hope of getting a decent night's sleep.
in spite of the craziness at work, i'm really enjoying the new gang. they're pretty great people.
took our group to a soup kitchen today. it was pretty interesting stuff. not mind-blowing or anything. but it definitely made me feel very thankful for all the ease in my life... for everything that i've had access to without having to work for it. a lot of privilege, that's what i have. but there are a lot of folks out there without ease & privilege, trying to make it in this world. it's a tough place & i don't even know the half of it.
what i do know is i'm damn lucky - though it has nothing to do with luck.
i also know that physics is lame & i have a test tomorrow. a real test. so i'm going to bed in hope of getting a decent night's sleep.
in spite of the craziness at work, i'm really enjoying the new gang. they're pretty great people.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
can't we adopt a slower pace?
i had an insane fit of road rage today. this hasn't happened to me in a long time - probably since i left st. louis. that probably says more than a little about the stress level in my life at the current moment. i was stalking people in the parking lot, waiting for someone to leave their parking spot so i could get to physics (along with probably 15 other folks). finally i had my spot & this douche bag behind me guilt tripped me into giving him the spot. "you know you saw me driving up here following her...." that kinda crap. after the day i'd had, it was the last straw. i literally saw red. i drove away yelling to myself in the car about this guy's douchbaggery when i realized i couldn't just drive away. i wanted to get out of the car & tear his eyeballs out. (i know it's harsh - but again, i had a rough day...) instead, i drove back by & screamed at him - not swearing or anything. i had to let him know he was being a dick. i'm not proud of myself or anything. just glad i didn't slash his tires... :)
Monday, September 15, 2008
rotting tomatoes = maggots = j cleaned up rotting tomatoes
d helps j with physics for hours on end = j solves 1.5 physics problems while d attends theater meeting
Saturday, September 13, 2008
falling asleep
i've been fighting it since about 9:15 & so far i'm winning...
this is what my life is looking like these days:
work & physics
seriously, i had no idea one class could take over like this. i'm so grateful for dan's brilliance when it comes to physics & math. he's the best tutor a gal could have... extremely patient & kind even after he's explained something a handful of times & i'm still saying, "i still don't understand what velocity means..." the man deserves a medal. seriously.
had my first physics test (practice test) this week. i got a 32... only because the teacher didn't grade the back of my test. (i should've gotten a 50-something.) he's a super nice guy but not a good lecturer & he's a bit of a goon. a nerdy scientist. pulls his pants up real high, big white tennis shoes, big glasses, tucks his hands into his pants when he's talking... but i think i'll do alright - probably a C & that's ok by me.
other than this, work's been taking the rest of my time lately. it's been super overwhelming. all my fault & i'm mostly ok w/ it. would've been much easier to deal with if i wasn't taking a class though. my new folks at work started last week. it's been pretty exciting & stressful. i'm in charge of their orientation & training. (i'm not doing all the training myself - just organizing & delegating stuff.) i'm glad no one video tapes me talking to them because i think it would be incredibly embarassing. i'm certain i look & sound like a complete boob. i get so excited about everything there is to talk about & then overwhelmed by all of it (plus, they're such a great group - that in & of itself is a little overwhelming), i'm just blabbering all kinds of nonsensical information. it's pretty rediculous really. if only i knew what they thought. i'm almost certain no one was a fan of my talk about hazardous materials & proper lifting... which ended in me showing them stretches on the floor of our warehouse. it was more than a little awkward. but that just comes w/ me, i think... awkwardness. i'm a pro. anyway, everyone seems to be very impressed by the group as a whole, which is great. i feel like i've done a damn good job w/ them so far - recruiting & orienting. we went over expectations, which are high - & they're totally on the ball. like cleaning up after themselves & others & everything... so different from last year. i think it could go really well.
when did i stop counting the months remaining in my 2-year commitment at this job? i don't know but it was a long time ago. somehow i started to really enjoy it, inspite of all the stress & other nonsense. i'm already thinking about what i'll do differently this time next year... which is wierd, cuz i don't think i want to do this for the rest of my life. but i am enjoying it. (in case anyone else's counting, at the end of september, it'll be 12 months to go.)
right now d-bone is out for a run. he's become an exercising, healthy-eating fool this past summer. a bit out of character for him... but it's nice. he's been a lot happier these past few months than he's been for quite some time. & it's not because we've made some awesome new friends or anything.
i'm fighting the urge to install a large marker board on our living room wall... it would be nice if d & i could work out my physics problems on the wall. is it weird for one to homeschool their wife? probably.
aside from all this crap, we had an amazing visit with katie at the farm where she's interning over labor day weekend. it's beautiful & peaceful. i couldn't help but think that this was exactly how life was meant to be when we were there. a lot of work to do, but a slower pace. everything was right outside the house - no need to drive all over god's creating to go to work or get food. plus, you can't beat being woken up by cows & pigs & chickens. i wish i was passionate about farming. then i could have all the fresh raspberries i could handle. ...and fresh air & fresh food, etc.
it was wonderful to visit with katie. i've missed her being around these last several months & i'm excited that she may be returning to balto for a short stint.
this is what my life is looking like these days:
work & physics
seriously, i had no idea one class could take over like this. i'm so grateful for dan's brilliance when it comes to physics & math. he's the best tutor a gal could have... extremely patient & kind even after he's explained something a handful of times & i'm still saying, "i still don't understand what velocity means..." the man deserves a medal. seriously.
had my first physics test (practice test) this week. i got a 32... only because the teacher didn't grade the back of my test. (i should've gotten a 50-something.) he's a super nice guy but not a good lecturer & he's a bit of a goon. a nerdy scientist. pulls his pants up real high, big white tennis shoes, big glasses, tucks his hands into his pants when he's talking... but i think i'll do alright - probably a C & that's ok by me.
other than this, work's been taking the rest of my time lately. it's been super overwhelming. all my fault & i'm mostly ok w/ it. would've been much easier to deal with if i wasn't taking a class though. my new folks at work started last week. it's been pretty exciting & stressful. i'm in charge of their orientation & training. (i'm not doing all the training myself - just organizing & delegating stuff.) i'm glad no one video tapes me talking to them because i think it would be incredibly embarassing. i'm certain i look & sound like a complete boob. i get so excited about everything there is to talk about & then overwhelmed by all of it (plus, they're such a great group - that in & of itself is a little overwhelming), i'm just blabbering all kinds of nonsensical information. it's pretty rediculous really. if only i knew what they thought. i'm almost certain no one was a fan of my talk about hazardous materials & proper lifting... which ended in me showing them stretches on the floor of our warehouse. it was more than a little awkward. but that just comes w/ me, i think... awkwardness. i'm a pro. anyway, everyone seems to be very impressed by the group as a whole, which is great. i feel like i've done a damn good job w/ them so far - recruiting & orienting. we went over expectations, which are high - & they're totally on the ball. like cleaning up after themselves & others & everything... so different from last year. i think it could go really well.
when did i stop counting the months remaining in my 2-year commitment at this job? i don't know but it was a long time ago. somehow i started to really enjoy it, inspite of all the stress & other nonsense. i'm already thinking about what i'll do differently this time next year... which is wierd, cuz i don't think i want to do this for the rest of my life. but i am enjoying it. (in case anyone else's counting, at the end of september, it'll be 12 months to go.)
right now d-bone is out for a run. he's become an exercising, healthy-eating fool this past summer. a bit out of character for him... but it's nice. he's been a lot happier these past few months than he's been for quite some time. & it's not because we've made some awesome new friends or anything.
i'm fighting the urge to install a large marker board on our living room wall... it would be nice if d & i could work out my physics problems on the wall. is it weird for one to homeschool their wife? probably.
aside from all this crap, we had an amazing visit with katie at the farm where she's interning over labor day weekend. it's beautiful & peaceful. i couldn't help but think that this was exactly how life was meant to be when we were there. a lot of work to do, but a slower pace. everything was right outside the house - no need to drive all over god's creating to go to work or get food. plus, you can't beat being woken up by cows & pigs & chickens. i wish i was passionate about farming. then i could have all the fresh raspberries i could handle. ...and fresh air & fresh food, etc.
it was wonderful to visit with katie. i've missed her being around these last several months & i'm excited that she may be returning to balto for a short stint.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
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