too short & too long

our whirlwind holiday trip came to a close upon our safe arrival in Balto yesterday afternoon. (we deplaned on to the tarmac & everything. did we step into a '60s movie? nope...) our visit was good - chock full of family gatherings, with a few friends sprinkled in here & there. actually, it was pretty exhausting. in my old age, i don't even sleep well in my old bedroom - just because it's not "home" - or because i suck. i slept the entire 2 hour flight back to balto & duration of the 45 minute train ride to the city. D ended up having to rush off to work as soon as we got in the door & i sat down to continue reading this fabulous book new book Eat, Pray, Love, (thanks, Marmy!). at some point, the growing weight of my eyelids took over, so i surrendered to a 15 minute disco nap. i woke up 2 hours later (in the same chair). sooo... my life is very very exciting.

earlier this week i asked my mom what i was like as a baby... dan & my friend katie previously shared the sentiment that they're just trying to get back to the way they were at age 11 or 12 - because that person is who they are in the fullest expression of themselves. i don't remember ever feeling that way. but i think parts of our personality probably always existed. maybe we're destined to have a particular disposition. my mom characterized me as careful, serious & quiet - an observer. she had to be careful what she said because i took everything literally. as far as i can remember, i have always been this way. i wonder if i was predisposed to be this version of me or if i learned it as a coping mechanism... hm. i'll never know. (although i don't really think of myself as serious. most people might see me that way though - unless they know me really well. i'm pretty silly.)

dan's mom said he was always very laid back & still is.... lucky bastard!

i finally got some holiday cards in the mail right before we left town. what a relief! i still have another 4 days off work & i'm not quite sure what to do with myself. katie may be coming down for a visit over new years. we shall see.

i close w/ photos of BABIES!

my little brother & my niece in their jammies, home sick the day after christmas. they may be sick, but they're still cute!

grandpa o'b & the newest member of dan's family, elizabeth. (she was sick too - but still very cute.)

my buddy, mama grass & little baby grass. not sick & very cute, although blurry. (those babies, they're wiggly worms.) during our visit, dan was sharing with him some sweet sweet dance moves.

mung-speriment

a few weeks ago, i was whining that 2 years in this job seems like forever. we're thinking about relocating sometime soon & i'm getting itchy. honestly though, there's so much going on during my work day - a wide variety & abundance of tasks - that i don't really notice the hours flying by. often times at the end of the day, i find myself wondering what the hell i've been doing for the last 8 hours. it was such a whirlwind of activity, i can't quite remember.

big D has been asleep for almost 2 hours. needing to catch up on some sleep & feeling under the weather.

we've got this white elephant gift exchange at work on friday & i'm a bit anxious about it. apparently most people bring gag gifts. i don't have anything that would be a good gag & i'm not into purchasing useless crap just so i can unload it on someone else. seems, um, LAME. hm....

we had dinner w/ my old boss & his family last night. had a good time. glad the shift from work relationship to social relationship hasn't been to bumpy or awkward. funny how i miss that job - parts of it anyway. a good relationship w/ one's boss is pretty amazing & rare. sharing similar opinions & ideas makes working together pretty damn easy. guess that's one of the challenges w/ the new gig. but challenge is good.

tried my hand at some vegan baking last weekend - blueberry applesauce muffins. they're not bad. not necessarily good either. a little too moist & gooey for a muffin. fluffy would be better. also, they turned green & that just makes them unappealing. the frozen blueberries started to defrost as i was folding them into the batter. not sure how the blue-purple turned green though...

on sunday i decided we should have a stir fry sometime this week. i'm sprouting mung beans in a container under the sink - hence the mung-speriment. it's so damn easy & kinda fun, in a mung-sperimenty kinda way. they're much fresher & last a lot longer than store bought sprouts. in my book, that's reason enough for the little bit of extra effort involved.

my big brother headed off to somewhere dangerous & unknown earlier this week. after many failed attempts, i eventually caught up w/ him before he left the US. hope he's safe & in good spirits wherever he is. i see lots of camel rides in his future. i'll be sending baked goods.

that's all i've got. i'm off to join big D.

cloudy saturday

lessons learned/relearned recently:

• "natural" deodorant doesn't always cut it. sometimes, it's best to use the bad stuff that makes my underarm skin peel off, clogs my pores & leaves me smelling fresh all day. (what this really means is, i've been eating crap/my digestion's been sub-par & there's been a build up of toxins - so, it's my own damn fault i smell horrible. TMI, i know.)
  
• sitting next to someone who is petrified of flying, while flying, isn't enjoyable, even if they're medicated. it's actually pretty terrible, in my experience.
• living in my own skin can be pretty uncomfortable at times. but it's ok to be me. (of course, i already knew this. but sometimes i forget.)
  
• finding good people to hang out with is difficult. i also know this & i know it well.
  
• making applesauce is pretty darn easy.
  
• sometimes it's important to DO something even when i'm tired & don't feel like it. doing it later doesn't always work out.
• i am a very lucky girl. INFP or not.
  

this week feels loooooooooooong. i'm so ready for the weekend. ugh.

been a good week for catchin' up w/ folks i haven't talked to in a long while. feels good. gotta get over the phone phobia...someday.

the guy i've had trouble w/ at work has finally labeled us as "not meshing well." it's true but it often feels wierd & uncomfortable when people confront issues. i mean, i'm glad to get shit out in the open, deal with it & go forward. often times i don't realize it's possible to change things. they just are what they are... turns out that's often times not the case. i'm interested to see what happens because of our "not meshing well." stay tuned.

have accomplished zero christmas shopping & that feels pretty good. i have to say, i wish it was easier to move towards celebrating the holidays sans purchasing gifts for people. not that i don't like giving gifts. i do. i guess, in my old age, i realize i'd rather spend quality time with people or do something nice for them & forget the purchasing of the stuff - although am a fan of useful stuff.

& so my brain is melting. i need to sleep.

rotator cuff - schmotator cuff

finally got around to seeing el doctor about my silly shoulder. (don't be angry, parents. i did see my regular doctor a few months ago about it. but it's still bugging me so i went to a specialist.) anyway, i've decided bodies are like cars. of course when you finally take in the broken "vehicle", there doesn't seem to be a problem. pooh. well, she's a cool doctor & i got some new exercises to try out. she said i could definitely go to a physical therapist if my shoulder gets angry again.

stop fighting & you can have some texas toast

been a while. not much going on at the moment. had a good turkey day w/ dan & katie. the three of us spent the afternoon slaving in the kitchen. some other folks joined us for the dining portion of the evening & that was pretty fun - tasty food, wine & games. good times were had by me for sure (& i'm pretty sure other people enjoyed themselves too). (i added a new recipe to my favorites - collard greens w/ browned onions. delicious! went over well at our turkey day dinner - w/ folks who enjoy greens, that is.)

at the end of the looong weekend, i helped pack up katie's car & watched her drive off into the sunset. not really. i did help pack the car though. i'm sad that she's not 3 blocks away anymore, but i think she'll have a great trip & i look forward to her return, someday - even if that means she lives behind our couch for a while.

not much else going on. work's become a bit more comfortable, which i appreciate. no fun feeling tense all the time. a few more weeks & i'll get my 3 month review. kinda looking forward to that... wonder how my supervisor thinks things are going...

got word this week that i can keep tending the garden over the winter! so glad about that. we - i guess it's "i" now - i have a lot of collards & kale & beets & carrots growing. took katie's compost bin over to the garden & now i have somewhere to put food scraps! that's pretty exciting stuff. i wonder if it's too cold in the winter for scraps to break down outside. hm...

so one of the workers at my job has alzheimers. it's pretty sad. he's such a nice man, but he spends so much time confused. it's become a safety concern recently - not a good idea to have someone who forgets what they're doing while they're doing, using power tools - or driving or anything, really. he doesn't have a retirement plan, i don't think. he's going to be in trouble when he can't work anymore. man... what a shitty way to go.

time to turn up the heat...

5 days left until my buddy katie heads out for adventures outside of baltimore. she'll be joining us for turkey day festivities though, so i'm looking forward to that. sad that we aren't having our usual ohio thanksgiving but that means a fun fake thanksgiving will be celebrated sometime next year. can't wait to meet the new baby. it seems so bizarre to me that he looks different than the first child. in my head, i must've thought the new baby would be a replica of his older brother. guess that's generally not how it works.

had a rediculously sleepless night last night. ugh. terrible. was it the 4 spoonfuls of bailey's ice cream 2 hours before bed or leftover stress from the workday? guessing it probably wasn't the ice cream. hm... well, i do seem to be rather busy when my boss is out of town. i think it's a combination of good & bad. feels good to have a lot to do but bad that i don't have support. i actually wallked through a drug deal yesterday on my way to measure a house for trim. strange but probably a pretty regular occurrence in that particular neighborhood.

i think my boyfriend fell asleep on the pot. actually - he's reading about U2. that's all i know.

89 days left

to enjoy the ripe old age of 30. hm. i was telling my brother, jake, i have at least 90 things to do before i turn 31 - but that was yesterday, when i still had 90 days. 89 days is a completely different story. so, what did i accomplish today? i had a not-bad day at work - maybe even a "good" day. but i don't like to go throwing words around... i also took a leisurely walk home, which was really nice. i've been enjoying the fall leaves on my walks to & from work for the past few weeks. today, i gave in. yes, i gave in. i picked up some leaves - because they were so beautiful. i picked them up, just a few, & brought them home with me. only by the time i got home, i wasn't holding just a few - it was a handful. so pretty... i like to press the leaves & use them on cards. but sometimes, my craft-making is very messy & annoying to my roommate/boyfriend/husband, the danners. i'll do better, sweets. promise.

me & the d enjoyed some massages yesterday evening after work. i haven't sleep so well in a long while. completely worth it. why don't we pamper ourselves more often? because, it's damn expensive.

also, completely off the subject, I LOVE CORNBREAD! been enjoying a bit here & there for the past few days & boy, is it delicious. dan's not a fan though. oh well. more for me!!

went to a great yoga class after work this evening. so relaxing. having a gym membership is expensive. but again, totally worth it. i can pamper myself w/ exercise & relaxation as often as i like. good stuff. (why don't they have massage clubs?)

with the next big birthday quickly approaching & our 3rd anniversary behind us, i've been thinking about some goals/things to focus on. not in order of importance:

• better communication in my relationships
  
• make more of an effort w/ friends - everyone has moved away or is moving away & the social circle can't get much smaller... eek.
• voice lessons - i've got some good leads & one possibility at the moment
• relaxation & breathing - this one is a constant struggle, especially with the new job. sounds rediculous, needing to focus on breathing. but i swear, when i'm tense, i am an incredibly shallow breather & sometimes i stop breathing all together. yoga is good for practicing deep breathing & relaxation. i hope at some point it will carry over into the world outside of class. a life goal.
• being myself, to a large degree, all the time.

mmm.... cornbread.

into the tame

another quiet monday off. thank god. saturday was the height of craziness at work, thus far anyway. went to yoga this morning. so nice, just walking down the street to class. we meet in the sanctuary of this old church that's being renovated - no pews, just random couches & chairs & things... it's a great space for yoga. nothing like lying on your back in the middle of a big church & seeing the sunrise through the clerestory windows.

spent last night doing some cooking for the week. i've been making some poor dinner choices since i started this job. just don't have the energy to cook & i don't seem to care. so last night i cooked up a huge pot of chili (really, it's HUGE - thanks, mom, for the big pot) & put together a vege lasagne for later in the week.

our 3rd anniversary is coming up later this week. bizarre. i no longer think it's weird that we're married. for a long time, the idea of being married & knowing we were, was so bizarre. not no more. maybe it came with the new job. i'm definitely not one of the "young" people & that's odd. i still feel young though, except for the 9:30 bedtime. :)

stopped by the garden today. looks like someone's done a little digging in my compost pile. maybe they'll kick me out for bringing kitchen scraps to the garden. hope not. i have to take them somewhere...

experimenting with black beans

they're fresh, as in not dried. got 'em from the farmers market this weekend. cookin' em up for dinner. i hope they're tasty. i've had katie's fresh black beans a few times & of course they were delicious. who knows how mine will turn out though...?

welcome to adam grass & jack steinmetz! seriously, everyone's popping out babies - although i bet their mom's might phrase it differently. welcome, babies!!!

think i'm finally settling into the job a little more. it's been rough at times, i won't deny it. the joy of working 6 days in a row is having the following monday off. what a treat! i enjoy monday's off much more than saturday's off. on a monday, the world seems pretty quiet (except for traffic on our street). i can go out & do things (like shopping) & want to kill myself a little less because stores aren't swarmed by everyone & their mother - THEY'RE AT WORK!! it's so great!! few things turn my stomach as much as stores full of people. you do have to make peace with the slow, poor driving of many old folks though. in my book, it's totally worth it. & it feels ok just to take it easy. there's no one else to hang out with & sometimes, that's exactly what i need.

anyway, i had a leisurely monday (after a short trip to work that i'm pretending never happened). went to yoga, sat around in the sun & read the book i've been struggling to get through (for a book club i'm trying), had some lunch, caught up on some e-mails, went to the garden for a bit & got the emissions inspection on the car. an all around good day.

i finally had time to attempt another compost pile at the garden. i've been taking our food scraps (non-animal scraps) to katie's compost bin, but seeing as she's leaving, i needed a new spot. so i dumped it on the garden plot next to ours, which has been abandoned for the winter & i piled it high with wood chips. boy did it smell - it was pretty horrible. hope they don't kick me out for stinky compost.

guess that's about it. getting a bit of a cold, i think. a sign that i haven't been taking good care of myself. dan was so sick last winter, like he was dying, & i didn't even get a little sick. hm... i'm on the market for a voice teacher & i've got a few leads. my new bedtime seems to be (eek!) 9:30pm. wacky. but it seems to work somehow. i'm old.

my dog has fleas....

me & maw & ricky elz waitin' fer the subway.

maybe i've been busy or maybe i've been lazy. think it's a little of both. i've realized how pointless this blog-thing is... i don't think it's accomplishing my original goal of helping to keep in touch with people at all.

work's been going ok. a little frustrating. i have issues with one person in particular. maybe it's just me. without being too specific, there's one person i interact with who's the opposite of helpful EVERY DAY. or, every time i have a question. one time, in response to my casual question, this person said, "What are you talking about!?" so... that's been fun.

we had this semi-formal fundraiser last friday... it wasn't too bad. i was feeling nervous about the attire - "casual coctail" - so i headed over to katies for some advice. it was the best part of the day by far! she & her sister had me try on lots of different things from both of their closets. it was exactly how i've always imagined life with sisters to be. i carpooled & one person dropped out, so i drove the polish guy who practices brazilian jujitsu. i started to feel like i was on some kind of wierd blind date since dan didn't go. but that eventually passed. the food was interesting - mashed potatoes served in martini glasses, that kind of thing. thank god for my supervisor's wife. we get along pretty well, so we had lots of time to chat.

hm... ricky elz was in visiting for the weekend. it was a good time. our quick trip to nyc was a bit too quick. the drive ended up being quite a bit longer than i thought & we got back super late. it was good to see maw though. it's been about 2 years since the last time we drove up, i think. wish she'd move back to balto.

trying to read a book called "The History Of Love" for a book club i might join. it was sooo good for the first 50 or so pages. sadly, it's become much less good.

i did make it for a second trip down to the solar decathlon. if i have time in the near future, i may post some pictures. it was really inspiring. if building something like that was a requirement for all masters programs, i'd be in school tomorrow. unfortunately, i think it'll take more time to find a school that emphasises building as much as sustainable design.

my dog doesn't really have fleas. i don't have a dog. but our apartment may have fleas thanks to a visit from some flea infested shoes. another reason to be glad we live in a carpet free environment!!

you can do it, duffy moon

a few short months ago, i was moaning & groaning that i was BORED BORED BORED with work & other things. everyone else (not literally) seemed to be moving, having babies, or both, while we were holed up in baltimore doing who the hell knows what. time has passed, as it tends to do, & we're still here. some things have changed & some haven't. funny how one often wants what one doesn't have. never satisfied. i started a new job with lots of possibility. only then did i realize how great certain parts of my old job really were, namely the easy relationship i had with my boss. he made me bat-shit crazy sometimes but... a lot of the things that inspire me about the new job are all the possibilities for change. it seems like an uphill battle & i find myself feeling bored more of the time than i thought i'd be on my 4th week. why am i always bored? it's not like i'm the brilliant kid in class who already knows how to do everything. maybe i should just get the tv fixed. then i don't have to spend any time thinking about life & what i could be doing with it. i could just watch some crap as the hours disappear. hm. turns out, the easy way isn't always the best way. discomfort can inspire growth, i think.

had an enlightening discussion with a coworker on the way home from work today. turns out i'm not the only one who finds a prominent member of the staff to be disingenuous. good to know.

that's about it, really. d went with me to water the garden this evening. it's looking ok although i think the squirrels have ravaged quite a few of the seeds. my attempted fall / winter crops include: lettuce, spinach, kale, collards, carrots, beets & green onions. still have a few jalapeno & bell pepper plants growing like crazy. what to do with all the jalapenos?? katie suggests making green chilis. maybe....

& some things stay the same: we still have lots of rats, crime, few trees & little grass

Solar Decathlon

what a day... gorgeous. walked to the farmers mkt after jake & melissa left. got us some goodies. it was a great walk - part of it was along the marathon route, so there were lots of folks out on the street cheering & hanging out on their porches, playing music, handing out snacks & water to runners. i didn't see any runners until i was on my way home. i was just walking along enjoying the music, smiling people & warm sun on my face when i heard cheering. this man with a huge grin passed me by. he wasn't running though... he had some sort of hand-pedaled tricycle. a paraplegic. i was overcome with emotion for some reason. he looked so happy, grinning from ear to ear. i wanted to call out to him & cheer him on but i knew he wouldn't be able to hear me & my arms were full of goodies so i couldn't wave either. i don't have any idea how he had enough power in his arms to go 26 miles ... after he passed, i thought, "maybe i should do the marathon next year" - walk it, i mean. my knees aren't up for running & neither is the rest of me. maybe dan'd wanna go too? guess we'll have to wait & see.

i was awful slow getting back out of the house for DC. i had about 2 hours to walk around the Solar Decathlon before it closed for the day. made it through 3 houses. i'd like to go back & i'm trying to figure out when that would be possible. might do it monday afternoon... i usually hate crowds, but there was something about the energy of the students & visitors. excitement. inspiration. felt a little bit like, "these are my people," if you know what i mean. i hope it's possible to work on a house for the decathlon when i go back to school.

best get this kitchen cleaned up before dan gets home.... or my good wife status will be no more.

A few images from the day:

Took these pics for my Dad - UMR's solar house exterior.

UMR interior.

I really enjoyed the interior of the house above - by Penn State, I think.

Penn State interior - Outside the big doors are sliding shutters to shade the house from summer sun. Inside there are sliding shutters w/ glass milk bottles - The milk bottles are part of an experiment to help spread fall & winter natural light - & the warmth of the sun is supposed to heat the thermal mass inside the bottles & help warm the interior when the sun goes down. Interesting...

Penn State house: The large shelf unit in the background was attached to tracks on the wall to the right & the beam on the left. It slid along the track to enlarge or shrink room sizes as needed... Pretty cool.


University of MD's "Leaf house." Great exterior w/ shutters & plants growing on the side. It also had a dehumidifier system inside that used rock salt to remove moisture from the air...

sordid butt-juice chanting

i'm feeling a little sad. jake & missy are on their way to big apple to continue celebrating their one-year schmaniversary. i wish we could've spent more time together. if i'd gotten my shit together earlier, i probably could've gone up to NYC w/ them & spent some good time hanging w/ maryann & maybe some time w/ my bro while missy's at Marry Poppins. he's a nervous traveler & manhattan is an overwhelming place. i find it easy to get turned around. it would've been pretty perfect cuz maryann will be attending pat's wedding in philly on sunday too & that would be my ride back to dan & eventually baltimore. alas, that didn't work out this time around. i hope the rest of their trip is tons & tons of F-U-N.

had a crazy week at work. it started out fine & ended with me thinking, "what the hell am i doing here? i'm not the right person for this job." my supervisor & most of the higher-ups were out of town from wed-fri for a conference. tuesday was good - i got some people who seemed to know what they were doing to "fix" the troublesome warehouse garage door (even though i felt like the lead technician was drunk, or high). wednesday was fine. probably a little too fine because i was thinking, this job is cake. thursday rolled around & it was a lot less fine. chaos set in early. problems with a lumber order & a confused carpenter who didn't know what he needed (i changed his lumber order 3 times - from 5 to 7 to 2 joists. the lumber supplier thought i was a nutcase.), the garage door got stuck, one of the job sites was shut down for not having the right permit, i gave a crew incorrect google map directions somewhere & wasted a LOT of their time, engine light came on in one of the vehicles.... it was a long-ass day that ended with the garage guys coming back & helping the door down so it would close for the night. good times. thankfully, i was able to get a decent haircut in the evening, go to the gym & take a nice long walk with dan to help ease my mind of worry. friday was a little better but i ended up feeling like a total dumbass. i wasn't 100% prepared for the friday morning meeting, where my supervisor (me in his place) tells everyone what they're doing for the day. too many things went wrong at the end of thursday & i was way past being ready to go home when i left at 5. anyway, long story short, i felt crummy & excluded at the end of the day & wondering why i thought it was a good idea to take this job. the person who had the position before me stopped by & i thought: i'm SOOO not like her.... i'm going to do a shitty job. before the day was over, the construction staff & some office folks (old & young), went out for happy hour. i'm not a big fan of happy hour, but i'm still struggling to feel like part of the group... especially after the past 2 days. wish i didn't care about that kind of stuff. i need to get over it. it's probably better that they didn't invite me. i don't always do my best in situations where i'm not 100% comfortable with people & alcohol's involved. might've said or done something regrettable.

so that brings me to today. the plan is to hit our farmer's market & then head down to DC for the Solar Decathlon - it's a contest where students from different colleges & universities design, build, and operate energy-efficient, solar-powered houses. "Solar Decathlon houses must power all the home energy needs of a typical family using only the power of the sun." anyway, i'm pretty excited to check it out. (kinda loud here at the moment - today's the Baltimore Marathon & there are 3 helicopters flying right over our building.) tomorrow we head up to philly for pat's wedding. looking forward to it. at least fall weather has arrived so i don't have to panic about not having appropriate clothing for the wedding. i hate shopping, especially for "nice" things that i will rarely wear. although that reminds me, i need to purchase some hosiery for the occasion. i used the last pair (which were in fine condition, mind you) to strain the paper pulp from my bathtub for last years christmas cards... WHAT? you didn't get a fabulous handmade christmas card from me last year? that's because they're sitting in a pile under my desk. it took so long to make them that i thought, maybe they'll be post-christmas thank-you cards & then it waas valentines cards, st. patrick's day cards, 4th of july cards..... at some point, i just gave up. sorry, guys. my plan for rinsing the pulp from the hosiery didn't work either & eventually i tossed them so dan wouldn't go insane. what can i say? i'm a good wife...

it looks like a beautiful fall day outside. hooray!!! (where does that word come from?? it looks wierd.) (the title for this blog came from the magnetic poetry on our fridge.)

baby mamma drama

do i believe in global warming? hell yes, i do. it feels pretty gross here right now & has for more than a week. warm & unusually humid for this time of year.... although i think last fall was similar. pretty sure i remember a few nasty hot days up until a week or so before Christmas. i thought winter would never come. i hope it arrives earlier this year. i hope the weather is more tolearable this weekend when jake & melissa stop in for a quick visit on their way to NYC.

dan & i just got back from a walk around the hood, even though it's pretty nasty out. as we crossedthe street from our immediate neighborhood crammed with rowhouses, into a nicer neighborhood with lots of grass & trees, we felt the cool breeze blowing past us... it felt like everyone in Guilford has their ac on & windows open. the state of the world is frightening. war, global warming, peak oil... tomorrow's supposed to be a toasty 93 degrees. yikes! dan, the lucky bastard, has the day off & is planning to spend the day at the beach. this is one of those times i feel sad to have "real" job where i can't just say, "hey, i'd like to go to the beach today" & get away with it. i actually have to go to work. not only that but my immediate supervisor & most of the other folks in charge of things are heading to a conference in New Orleans for the remainder of the week. there's almost no chance that i'm not going to get stressed out. i still don't know any answers. i have been feeling a tad bored at work lately, so this should be the ultimate test. i don't know how the hours pass, but they do. 4pm rolls around before i know it & then i have a nice long evening to look forward to!! it'll be even better once i adjust to the early mornings. i was so pooped this weekend, i could hardly stay awake.

nothing much going on really. dan & i took a walk to hampden this weekend to check out a new shop. i never know what to expect in hampden. it's half gentrified & half not. & the half that's not can be SO in your face, it's pretty uncomfortable. if this was st. louis, i'd use the term hoosier, but no one's familiar with that term around these parts. so anyway, on our walk to hampden, we passed a gaggle of police officers & baby mammas on the street corner making a ruckus. probably 4 cop cars & maybe 7 or 8 teenagers, each pushing a stroller with a baby. not something you see every day. it baffles me & makes me sad at the same time. poor babies.

had dinner with my old boss last thursday evening. it was fun & odd all at the same time. i definitely expected it to be odd but was pleasantly surprised by the fun part. dan & i brought some wine (because we like wine). neither one of them drink much at all but i fear the next day might've been uncomfortable & possibly a little humiliating... we got a new sharp kitchen knife & sharpener out of it though, which was odd. guess that's all i know.

stinkin' puzzles

i survived the first week. friday was actually quite a bit worse than thursday, garage door-wise. but it didn't keep me awake. i slept like a log. saturday was much better. everyone was used to hoisting the door & precariously lowering it, which was helpful. the repair man came & should be back to fix it tuesday evening. i volunteered to stay late while he's fixing it because i feel responsible for the whole thing - even though i didn't cause the problems. but i could've pulled the plug on the volunteer "repair" crew before things got worse. anyway, dan & i had dinner plans w/ my old boss & his wife tuesday night but i guess we'll have to reschedule.

had an enjoyable day off. dan & i went to the farmers market & i ran a bunch of errands. trying to track down decent work clothes. they need to be durable & i have to feel ok about getting them dirty, which means i don't want to spend a lot of money on new things just to ruin them. i generally hit thrift stores for messy work clothes, which works well. but with this job, i spent half my time in the office & i can't look like a complete pig... so thrift may be out. hm.... haven't figured that out yet.

we went to bed last night at 9:30. kinda sad, kinda nice. what was really sad was me waking up at 5:30am, completely awake. maybe i do better with the early to bed, early to rise thing. guess we'll find out.

we've decided not to repair/replace the tv. looks like it's time to get rid of it, along with the dvd player & vcr. i feel ok about it but i don't know who'd want a broken tv. may end up looking into getting it repaired if no one will take it. david, my old boss's dad, said it was an easy repair & i'd hate to throw it in a landfill if it's useable. so now dan's trying to convince me that we should start buying puzzles (& spend our time putting them together). i gave in, even though i'm not a huge puzzle fan. guess we have to figure out how to keep ourselves occupied this winter without the tv. (although as soon as LOST starts up, dan'll probably be sad about the tv. he can watch on the internet though...)

well, that's all i've got for now. running a few errands for work tomorrow & hoping to hit a yoga class at 9 with katie.

mmmm....insomnia

well, i rarely get up during the night to do something when i'm in the throes of insomnia but i couldn't imagine laying in bed for another 4 hours thinking about stuff & feeling hungry. so here i am @ quarter to 2 on this friday morning, eating cheerios in the kitchen. good times.

so what's keeping me awake?? (prepare yourself, this is gonna be boring.) well, the big thing at the moment is the garage door at work. the offices & warehouse are located in an OLD car dealership. it's kinda run down & from what i hear, the landlord's not terribly attentive with building upkeep & maintenance issues. anyway, we had 2 volunteers in yesterday working on the garage door - the garage door had been hit a few times with work vans & a few of the wood panels needed replacing. the volunteers who worked on it are these 2 old guys who come in every tuesday & thursday to repair broken tools, build shelving & keep up the woodshop. one of them was a cabinet maker back in the day. anyhow, they dismantled the bottom section of the door to replace the damaged pieces & did a wonderful job. the trouble was in the reattaching...

long story short, the garage door had to be back together at the end of the day to secure the building. they had a bit of trouble reattaching the bottom portion - things weren't lining up correctly, issues adjusting the tension on the spring... (technical crap that i don't really understand). we ended up propping the door open with some 8' studs in order to get the work trucks back in the garage, figuring we'd just remove the props & close the door. after scavenging a few more bodies to help us lower the door by hand so it didn't slam into the ground, the door jammed - the left side dropped lower than the right & the right side fell out of the track. pretty great. (the workday for construction staff ends @ 4, mind you.) so there was lots of fidgeting & eventually we got a neighbor (mechanic renting shop space from the same landlord w/ a similar garage door) to come help out. he unbolted some big thing that attached it to the motor & then removed the cables from the door, allowing the sheer weight of the door to force it closed.

why the hell am i worrying about this at 2 in the morning? well, i don't know how we're going to get it back in working condition & it's not really anyone's deal to fix it. the landlord's out of town. basically, the work trucks have to get out in order for the staff to get to their respective sites with whatever volunteers they have & get done what needs to be done today so they can do what's on the schedule tomorrow. (saturday is a big volunteer day & it's important to be on top of everything.) i don't see how we're going to get the cables reattached to the door. we have to raise it about a foot off the ground in order to attach the cables but i think the door's way too heavy to lift. we propped it open w/ a 5 gallon paint bucket while disassembling the cables & the weight of the door began crushing the bucket. basically, i think we're kind of screwed. there must be a way but my brain is spinning & spinning & not getting anywhere. it was only my 3rd day & i'll be the 1st to admit i know NOTHING about garage doors.

maybe this isn't a big deal at all. dunno. i don't know who will be able to fix it or how soon - we have a full staff meeting this morning until 9 & i have meetings with managers after that.... so, that's that.

i was also laying in bed thinking about fleet maintenance - another part of my job. don't know what i was thinkinb about specifically... finding a shop where we can open an account (& receive a discounted rate) for all the routine vehicle maintenance.

in general, i think the job's going ok so far. tuesday i was feeling a bit crappy about it. i'm not enthusiastic about the renovations - the space planning is so poor sometimes, it's impossible for a homeowner to actually use a room (ex. a small living room, 8x8, that has so many doorways & travel paths it ends up a large foyer...) & i don't agree with their use of materials. in the past year or so, i've become a little nuts about using materials that aren't exactly healthy because of their manufacturing method or the actual chemicals in the finished product & the off-gassing. when i walk into a finished house & am overwhelmed by chemical fumes, i cringe. all those nasty smells are chemicals being released (think paint, sheet vinyl, carpet, particle board cabinets, laminate flooring). they can actually make people very sick & yet it's acceptable to use them because it's just what we do. so, there's that. & i knew going into it that the design & materials used would really bother me. i'm trying not to get too obsessed with those things at this point. maybe i can bring about change at some point in the future... after i'm a bit more settled.

also, i need to figure out how to get the construction staff to trust me. at this point, i don't think they know what my job is (even though i'm replacing someone else) & i'm sure they know nothing of my background. i feel like i need to prove myself knowledgable w/ construction by working on site with them, otherwise they'll never come to me with problems - the kind of problems i'm supposed to eventually deal with. that seems easy enough except for this silly shoulder injury that's holding me back. went to the doctor on monday evening to get it looked at since it doesn't seem much improved after 2 weeks rest. (my regular doc was out, so i had this wierdo - but that's another boring story.) anyway, he said it was bicep tendonitis & i'm not supposed to use it until it's better & i should do lots of exercises & icing. hoping to get my new insurance & just go to a physical therapist. i'm not goofing around w/ any of that.

other than these things, ,the job seems ok so far. the people are really nice. there's a lot of variety in the work. i don't know how the days are passing so quickly but they are. it seems like i've only been there about 3 hours by the time the end of the day rolls around. so i guess that's a good thing. i just don't feel necessarily accomplished at the end of the day yet. but again, it's only been 3 days. i'll have to give it time. my supervisor will be out of town in 2 weeks & i'm feeling a bit nervous about how that will work out. i'll just have to be patient. i have to say, all the drama w/ the garage door made for a pretty good day. it was a bonding experience w/ one of the AmeriCorps, for me anyway. a'ight. time to try some sleeping again. if anyone really reads this, i'm sorry it's so boring. don't know what else to do when i can't sleep.

new job - day 1

well, it was a short day. one hour long to be exact. my supervisor thought i was starting tomorrow as he doesn't work on mondays... even though i confirmed my start date. that's cool though. good to have a dry run & an unexpected day off. i was out the door on time & i arrived a few minutes early. i met some nice folks & gave myself a warehouse & tool tour before heading home.

made plans w/ katie to spend some time in the garden this morning. should be fun. i wanted to plant a few more seeds yesterday but was too exhausted when the o'briens left. i much prefer interacting with them on our turf instead of theirs. somehow it's a little easier. maybe it has to do with their being on vacation. whatever rules exist might be relaxed & there aren't too many expectations. the only thing i struggled with was food choices. it's actually pretty difficult to get a good (balanced) vegetarian meal just anywhere. i'm not really down for eating salad for every meal. boring. boring. boring. thank god i still eat bacon. i had several BLTs during their visit. lots of sandwiches & white bread & french fries & grease... but i survived. i think it'll become easier over time.

so that's what i know at the moment. & i actually slept last night, which is unusual when i'm anticipating something the next day.

Weer goon downy oshun!

actually, we already went & returned late this afternoon. (that was baltimoreese for "We're going down to the ocean." the visit with dan's parents is going well. here are a few pics from our time together thus far. we're off to mass at the old cathedral tomorrow morning followed by a trip to le farmers market. dan was right - the more time i spend with them, the more comfortable i become.

a morning visit to the beach

me & my special man-friend, dan
mr & mrs. o'brien
sunset from our hotel room on the bay side of chincoteague island

still crazy after all these years

yesterday i was feeling a bit sad about leaving my job & very nervous about the new gig. & nervous about the in-law visit later this weekend. & some other stuff. i like to think i've gotten a lot better about dealing with stress & maybe i have. but yesterday, i realized i haven't made much improvement in dealing with the stress i create in my own head. but honestly, i don't have a freakin' clue what else i can do to help myself. & i hadn't felt that horrible since i lived in st. louis & worked for the devil. it's impossible to turn my brain off once i get worried about stuff. my guts start eating themselves & i can't breathe. man, it sucks. thank god for sleep, even though it tends to visit me infrequently. i woke up today feeling like myself again.

i've been wrapping things up w/ my job & trying to equip my boss w/ everything he needs to stay on top of things. in general, typing up notes has been pretty mind numbing. the computer screen burns my eyes out. we accomplished a lot today though & that was nice. i love feeling a sense of accomplishment.

today i also discovered that i am able to put my legs behind my head... at work. (i mean, i am able to do it anywhere but i made the discovery at work.) we were having a conversation about yoga... (my boss, his wife & his dad take classes w/ one of my yoga teachers, so it really wasn't thaaat wierd.) i hadn't tried this since early college. it was a procrastination technique i shared w/ a friend. we were never able to do it though. who knew it required actual physical work to increase flexibility rather than just trying to jam your leg behind your head?? not me.

on monday, i realized how convenient it is to blame bad smells on a baby who has a history of poopie smelling diapers. well, i hope he was blamed...

so that's been the week thus far. dan's parents arrive tomorrow afternoon & we'll be heading to Chincoteague Island friday morning. looks like the weather should be sunny & warm, barring an unexpected hurricaine. never can tell this time of year. i do know they have a decoy museum & i hope we have no reason to visit this time around.

tomorrow starts my last week at this job. wierd...

well, it was a pretty good weekend. i joined katie & anna for a tasty dinner of lentils & kale salad & some wine. i really enjoyed myself. i was feeling pretty down on my way over to their place, thinking about how much i miss all my far away family & friends & thinking about katie's future departure. apparently they were both feeling a little blah as well. somehow we managed to cheer each other up & we talked & laughed the evening away. there was even some singing/rapping going on. why is it hanging with girls is so fun? dunno but i'm very thankful for all my girl friends.

yesterday dan went to the market with me. it was a gorgeous day. it's nice that the saturday market is so close to our house but it's way too crowded & cramped & i generally don't look forward to the market experience. the layout needs some help. i digress.

my boss' dad, david, & i went to the Book Thing - this free book store/warehouse in our neighborhood - for a little while in the afternoon. then we sat on his porch & he told me how to cook chicken livers & calves liver. kinda funny.

i also checked out this really old seed shop downtown & picked up some seeds for our fall vegetable garden. we're about a month late planting, give or take a week, but i hope it's not too cold for things to root. katie & i spent a good part of the late afternoon & evening tearing out the tomato plants. we added some manure & planted a small area. we're trying to stagger the planting so the veges aren't all ripe at the same time. we planted collards, kale, spinach, beets & carrots so far. i also bought brussel sprouts but i think they needed to be planted in the spring... maybe next year. we pulled all of our basil plants, which were actually like basil trees, in hopes of making & freezing a bunch of pesto sometime this week.

today was cleaning for the inlaw visit later in the week. i got the kitchen straightened up & my drafting table. i also picked up some manure & leaf mulch from the garden & attempted to amend the soil in the planters i've got on the roof. planning to try growing beets & spinach on the roof. they're full of potting soil & it's pretty crappy, so we'll see how it goes.

dan & i went for a walk at robert e. lee after he got home from work. we checked out the forts. it was pretty durn chilly but i dressed for it. unfortunately i had to pee shortly after we got there - even though i went to the bathroom right before we left. so we had to find a good spot because the place was pretty packed. we found a spot that seemed ok, so i dropped trou & attempted to pee but i heard a noise behind me & then dan started laughing because he peeked. had to give up on that spot. we walked on to the first fort, looked around & headed to the second fort. i decided that was my best bet for some privacy. sorry, fort-builder. when you gotta go, you gotta go.

(the first of 2 forts, this past spring. why the forts are interesting to me: katie & i were walking around in rbt. e lee last winter. we were walking through this area that had flooded the previous summer & was covered in downed trees, branches & brush. it looked like a tree graveyard. we both decided it was the perfect spot to build a fort... less than a minute later, we stumbled upon this fort. it was really bizarre. how many parks have random forts in them?)

had a tasty stir fry for dinner & now it's time to read & relax. i'm going to attempt some early rising this week to prepare for the new job next week. i slept amazingly well last night. it was fantastic. hope it visits me again tonight.

Oh, Bacon...

...you came & you gave without takin'.

I was singing that a little earlier about our breakfast for dinner, cuz I loves me some bacon. (It's to the tune of the Barry Manilow song "Oh, Mandy".) But I must've over done it. Who knew 4 pieces of bacon could make a girl feel ill? Am i phasing meat out all together?? Yikes!

The Danners & I just got back from a nice evening walk around the hood. We decided to walk to my new job, just to see how much time I'd need since I'm slow in the morning. It should take me about 15 minutes to get there. Pretty great. Hope I can get myself out the door in time.

Had an interesting day at work... we played hookie this afternoon for a few hours. Went to see the Bourne Ultimatum & grabbed some lunch. Can't complain. A few years ago, my boss used to treat everyone to lunch on Fridays, even though he didn't have much money. Eventually he had to give that up because he realized just how much money he didn't have... Really, it's been a good job overall. I just don't feel passionate or invested in it. I'm very excited for the coming changes.

When I started this blog, I had intended to talk about different ways Dan & I are trying to be less wasteful... but I never seem to get around to it. And, truthfully, I don't know that many facts so I wouldn't be able to argue points with anyone. But I do think working on different ways to reduce our consumption & waste makes life seem more exciting & purposeful. Anyway, I'm often inspired by No Impact Man's blog & I enjoyed today's post & it's comments... food for thought.

& a random cute picture of my niece, Layla, & my Dad from a visit home this past spring.

movin' on up

hm... not too much going on these days. the end of last week was filled with work & lots of phone interview conversations where i asked lots & lots of questions. it probably annoyed the interviewer but it was very helpful. i was able to talk to the woman who recently left the job & ask her questions about the job & her experiences. at the end of the week, i felt pretty good about the whole thing. seems like a good challenge & i think i'm up for it. hope so cuz i accepted the job friday evening. funny how things work sometimes. had no idea a few weeks ago that i might have a different job. turns out there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i talked with my current boss about the situation a bit ahead of time so he knew what was going on. he was upset at first but i think he'll be fine. they can't be so dependent on me - that's all part of the problem. if i'm not there to take care of paperwork, bills, payday, etc., everything goes to hell.

so the new gig starts in about 2 weeks. i'll still be able to walk to work, which is great. hopefully i'm able to get myself together early enough to walk. that's my plan, anyway. the possibility of the new job made the past few days at work much more enjoyable, which is nice. being there isn't so horrible now. yeah. (side note: congrats to my marmy who gave notice at her current job & accepted a new job on friday s well!)

on a sad note, my pal, katie (my walking, gardening, talking & general hanging out buddy), is looking to spend the winter WOOFing in south america & then heading off to toronto for a gardening internship until next november. YIKES! it's funny how transitional baltimore is... seems rare for people to stay & as a result, most of the friends i've made since moving here have moved elsewhere. my last close friend here is young katie. looks like i have to get off my butt & actively meet people. pooh. there should be lots of interesting folks at the new job, so maybe that will help ease the pain of the impending friendless winter. eek.

should've skipped yoga this weekend but i didn't. as a result, i've developed horrible pain in my right shoulder. it's been building for a while & i just pushed it too much. as of yesterday afternoon, i've been limited in movement & it's a bit swollen. might have to make a doctor's appointment. hope it goes down by the time i start the new job. nothing like hiring a gimp.

the danners parents are coming out for a visit in a few weeks, so we've been looking into fun things to do. they'd like to go stay at the beach so we're thinking a night or to at Chincoteague Island, VA could be enjoyable. i've always wanted to visit & looks like i might get the chance. we camped a few times at Assateague Island a few years ago & this should be similarly fun minus the tent.

dan joined me for my walk downtown this morning. it was nice to have company. we wandered around a bit on our way home, which was nice. off to pick out some paint chips for the bathroom. if we're going to stay for another 2 years, our bathroom better look better.

keeping busy

don't wanna jinx myself, but it's been a pretty good weekend so far - today is day 5 (my boss is out of town). after my usual saturday morning farmers market trip & yoga, we went to Patapsco Valley State Park and went for a hike. it was a beautiful park w/ lots of deer & a suspension bridge. we enjoyed a picnic dinner on the roof, followed by some reading for me & game playing on the cell phone for dan. we ended the day at a bar in fells point with a friend of dan's visiting from chicago. it was a full day.

i decided to skip my usual sunday morning yoga to walk downtown to the farmers market. not that i needed any fresh veges but it was such a gorgeous day & i really enjoy walking downtown on sunday - people around in the morning going to church & such. this time i decided to do a little alley walking just to get a different view. i forget how big Baltimore is sometimes because i tend to stay in & around our neighborhood. (there's a central north-south stretch of the city, a gentrified portion, where i feel safe most of the time. too far to the east or west & it definitely doesn't feel safe.) i've been feeling a bit bummed out about Baltimore for a while. after our trip to St. Louis earlier this summer, i've really been missing grass & trees, front yards, gardens... & i'm so tired of rats. & crime. i want to feel safe walking by myself. when you're walking & you have to be aware of your surroundings all the time, it takes the fun out of it. anyway, my sunday morning walks are nice & relaxing. i just kind of wander in the general direction of the market & take pictures of things i like. it's a time for me to enjoy something i've always enjoyed about Baltimore - the buildings, the architecture, the general fabric & texture of the city. i love to look around - especially in the alleys (during the day) or at night when it's possible to see in people's windows as you pass by. (but i'm not a peeping tom.) so i had a nice walk to the market & then my pal, katie, walked back with me after the market closed. it was another gorgeous day.

yesterday i busied myself helping my boss's sister pack up her moving truck. she worked with us for several months this spring & summer while we gutted & renovated her & her husband's new home in Baltimore County (where it's quieter & they have lush green lawns & chipmunks, not rats). but a few weeks after the job was completed, they decided to get a divorce, which seemed odd at the time because we'd all just broken our backs to finish this house for them. anyway, her dad & i rode up yesterday morning to move furniture & pack up the truck. it wasn't a bad way to spend most of the day. on the drive home, i was able to show my boss's dad where Trader Joe's & Target are & he picked up a yoga mat at the Barnes & Noble while i paid a visit to the danners. i enjoy spending time with david (my boss's dad) when we're not at work. he's fun to talk to & he has a good sense of humor. but he can be absolutely maddening to work with... very very slow, almost to the point of seeming completely incompetent. it's nice to spend time with him & feel like he is competent.

so that brings us to today. what's in store? dunno. we talked about a possible day trip to D.C. although it doesn't seem that there are too many interesting exhibits at the museums & i don't know my way around except for the national mall. but maybe we'll be adventurous... (side note: dan met dorothy hammil at work yesterday. apparently she lives here... along w/ nikolai volkov.)

it came & went

i had my job interview today & i don't feel all that positive about it. i left the interview feeling sad & beaten down & that's never fun. i didn't think i got my hopes up about the whole thing. i wasn't sure i'd like the job once i found out the nitty gritty about it. i'm not sure if my interviewer was trying to scare me or not but i left feeling like i wasn't the right person for the job. i'm not a "bulldog" - that's how he explained part of the position... a bulldog. it's hard to explain as i don't want to go into specifics on the blog. also, i'm not sure i have the right personality to deal with conflict & personality issues. then again, we're all adults, right? it's not like dealing with middle schoolers, right? or maybe it is & i already know that's not my strong suit. also, i can't make a huge time commitment since i've got this whole grad school plan.

so the rest of the day was kind of pointless. i was just feeling BAD. guess i got my hopes up thinking this job would surely save me from my current mind-numbing job & i'd be around lots of cool people & i'd learn lots of interesting things. when i got home, i convinced dan to go out to lunch w/ me even though he was in the middle of eating a large bowl of cheerios. he's such a good sport. so we tried this little place in the neighborhood that we've never been , carma's cafe. it was cute but i wasn't terribly impressed w/ my food. after that, there was a lot of laying around trying to take a nap while post-interview thoughts swirled around in my head. then off to the gym. katie joined me this evening for talking & drinks. we talked about how difficult it is, not knowing what we're doing w/ our lives. woe is us. we're actually incredibly lucky people. healthy. no major problems.... just struggling to find the right place in the world. it was good to hang out & commisserate w/ someone over the trials & tribulations of constant confusion.

& so my boss is out of town for the next few days & i'm free to jack around all i want. hopefully i'll fill most of my time w/ interesting things. think dan & i may go hiking tomorrow in a new spot. katie has suggested patapsco valley park as it has beautiful trails & water - canoeing & tubing, etc. should be fun. we might have another adventure when we're both off tuesday. maybe monday will be a labor day B-B-Q of hot dogs & meat for the meat eaters! we might make pepsi stoves . who can say? life's an adventure, right. right.... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

transcripts schmanscripts

the weekend update:

after yoga on friday, i stopped by the B&N to pick up some books i ordered as i begin the search for the next step. i'm really excited about one of the books, Ecological Design and Building Schools . it covers schools & programs in the US & Canada. i hope to find something as interesting as Fleming College in Haliburton, Ontario, Canada but in the US. that would be swell. dan & i talked about it a bit & it doesn't seem so smart to relocate to canada for 5 months for school & then have to find jobs elsewhere & move again. if i went, he'd probably stay here & that is not an option i like at all. too much like college all over again.

anyhoo, so signing up for a physics class didn't pan out. & it wasn't because i didn't try. dan & i raced over there saturday morning, after i found out registration was closing in 30 minutes. it was crazy. we waited in line for approx. 3 hours to find out that i couldn't sign up for physics because i didn't have my college transcript to show that i'd taken the prereq. college algebra course. but it turns out the class was full anyway so it was a wasted 3 hours. so it'll have to wait until next semester.

we went to a potluck last night. wasn't sure what to expect. sometimes i enjoy myself more than others. we brought the beet dish & LOTS of alcohol, just in case. but i had an enjoyable time without the alcohol.

today seemed like a LONG day. dan did laundry this morning while i went to yoga & ran a few errands. then we layed around for a while this afternoon. had some homemade salsa for dinner & it was delicious. should've doubled the recipe. jake called during dinner & it was good to catch up. he & melissa will be celebrating their upcoming anniversary in NYC & possibly stopping in balto, which would be fun. turns out we may have lots of visitors this fall. dan spoke with his parents this morning & they're planning a visit for sometime in september. gena & robin may be joining us for the High Zero Festival again this fall. lots o visitors! so i guess if i change jobs, that could eliminate my flexible schedule, but such is life i guess.

we saw the Simpsons Movie this evening. it was just like the tv show except they showed bart's penis. so that's that. back to work in the a.m. ick.

progress

you may find yourself wondering what i've been able to accomplish in the last 2 days. well, i went to work, both days, all day long (that's generally how it works, so no major accomplishment there). last night, after dan & i enjoyed a chipotle dinner & a walk to the grocery store, i updated my resume & officially applied for that job at habitat. thanks to the danner for saving my horrendous cover letter. in roughly 10 minutes, he came up with something that was more concise, compelling & truthful than the drivel i wrote in an hour. so now we know who has the big brain in this family - the big-D (not that there was ever any question there). if i end up going back to school, i'm afraid i'll want his help WAY too often. i can't even remember how to write a paper. jeez!

at any rate, i also looked in to the architecture program at morgan & found out physics is what i need. so the plan is to sign up for a physics class tomorrow. YIKES! honestly, this was not in my plans at the beginning of the week... & look where we are. but i have to say, making progress feels good. working towards SOMETHING feels good, even if it ends up not being the right thing.

so i guess we'll see if i actually make it into the physics class. there's only one section & it meets mon & wed from 5-7:30pm starting next week (as in, 3 days from now). eek.

oh, & i got a response from my resume this morning. i'll have an interview sometime next week. now i just have to figure out how to approach this subject at work - that i'm looking around. stay tuned. i'm off to read some books about grad school & sustainable building schools.

it could be worse - i could have syphilis

just got back from some hangin' out with my good buddy, katie. we took a long walk & discussed life & jobs & relationships... attempted to figure it all out. don't think it'll ever be figured out. that's the nature of life - constantly changing & not always in ways we can control. so i came home feeling like i should actually DO all the things i think and talk about doing. those things include:

1. update my resume & send it along w/ a cover letter to habitat & officially apply for the job that has peaked my interest
2. call morgan state & see what the prereq's are for the masters in architecture. schedule an appointment to talk w/ one of the faculty. (the thinking here is, maybe get some of the general stuff out of the way at morgan where it would be local & less expensive & then transfer to another grad program, possibly oregon. also, i don't think they require a gre... but i could be wrong.)
3. look into taking prereqs at a local community college - either physics or calculus as i think both are required. (but, dammit, i don't want to take either class. i'm not so great with that type of math & not so good w/ science either. maybe it'll be easier at a community college??)
4. call americorps about the program in canada & see if i can use my ed award to pay for the schooling there...
5. stop worrying & thinking so damn much & actually DO SOMETHING (or, get the fuck off the stage - as they say in dan's favorite movie, Wet Hot American Summer)

it's a tall order, this list. but i finally managed to make an appointment for a haircut, so i'm sure i can do these things too.

there are no easy answers

So here we are. Looks like I'm not keeping up w/ the blog. Until this week, there hadn't been much going on other than extreme heat & things associated w/ it - coming home after work & not wanting to cook dinner, sitting around in our underwear, sweating, etc.

Luckily, it has cooled off the last few days. And we took a fun trip to visit friends in Ohio mid-week. That always makes life more enjoyable. We ate lots of tasty veges every day (yeah for jen & her roased vege cookbook) & did some good old fashion hanging out, chit chatting.

Some Highlights from the trip:

1. On the drive in, we passed a truck w/ the sign "Surface Banana" painted on the back. Still haven't figured that one out.
2. On our day trip to Yellow Springs, OH for some sightseeing & hiking, we had lunch at the table next to Dave Chapelle. (Famous comedian & actor from movies & tv shows I've never seen.) No one made an ass out of themselves & that was good.
3. On the trip back to Balto, we got a flat tire. Might not seem like a highlight, but it actually worked out pretty well. We had discussed replacing 2 of the old tires before the drive but decided to wait until we got back. We've learned it's not always the best idea to have someone mess w/ the car right before a long drive. (One year, we got stuck overnight in Cumberland, MD after the car had been "fixed"...) We drove to a small town on the donut, got 2 replacement tires & finished the drive home.

A picture from our lunch at the table NEXT TO a celebrity:
Not much to report since coming home. I realize I need to move on from my current job. I'm not learning anything & I'm bored bored bored. I found an interesting job at one of the local Habitats & think I'll apply. A solid purpose that I can agree with, working with lots of good people, working on my communication skills, possibly learning some things & I could still walk to work - if I get myself out the door by 7am. Always a plus. Seems frightening to have a REAL job though. Real job meaning, I probably can't just ask for random days off because Dan's off & we'd like to go hang out/go to the beach...& I need to arrive on time - which hasn't been my strong point lately. But that's ok.

Been thinking about relocating lately. We've talked about it off & on for a little while. Since returning from Ohio, we've talked about it a lot. On Friday, I came up with what seemed like a brilliant plan: I get a new job & we save money. Next summer, we move to Eugene, Oregon (following our Ohio friends). We get jobs & I get my masters in architecture. I was feeling pretty pumped on Friday after sharing the news with Dan. I reasoned that we don't always know what to do but we just need to jump & that could be a good jump. Seemed so perfect. Doesn't seem perfect anymore. I'd like to stop the internal battle in my head over whether or not I should get a masters in architecture. I'm getting too OLD to wonder & worry about it. I want to do it or not do it & move on. I enjoy learning & taking classes but I'm not so much into Calculus & Physics & listening to people b.s. about architecture & architecture theory & staying up all night working on theoretical projects that don't mean anything. But that does seem to be what I'm interested in & maybe it would be helpful to have the degree so I can do what exactly?? Nothing like having a bunch of school debt, I hear.

How do I figure it all out?

So... back to the finding a career counselor thing. Where are they hiding? How do I find a good one?

Don't want to go back to work tomorrow. My enthusiasm about making cabinet doors & talking w/ some guy about doing the trim on his project is zero. So I guess that means I should make the best of today & get my resume in the mail!

By the by, the insomnia was much better during the week and a half I didn't write. But now it's back. Related to the job/school/future thing, I suppose. Dammit!!

Why can't it be fall already?

I'm SO tired of the heat. I want our apartment to feel comfortable again. I'm tired of coming home to temperatures more disgusting than outside.

Dan & I just finished watching ROME, season 2 first episode (a fabulous HBO show) from netflix. I love that show & highly recommend it.

Nothing much going on here. It's disgusting pretty much everywhere except air-conditioned spaces these days (our bedroom included). Supposed to be pouring a concrete countertop at work tomorrow. Hope things go smoothly.

Weekend Update

I'm sitting in the kitchen enjoying a tasty snack of cheese & crackers & prune juice, waiting for Dan to get home from work.

Not much going on the past few days. I did manage to catch up with my doctor who doesn't like to give prescriptions for sleep aids (which is good because I really don't want to rely on one) & suggested I look into alternative methods & figure out why I can't sleep. Sooooo....same old stuff, I guess.

I got me some kickin' new glasses from ye old Lens Crafters. I'm enjoying my improved vision & it feels good to scratch that off my list.

On Wednesday evening after work I volunteered for a salvaged building materials warehouse. I'd been wanting to check the place out for a while because: 1. it helps keep existing STUFF (cabinets, doors, lumber, etc.) out of landfills. 2. it's a much less expensive way to build. 3. who doesn't like a little organized dumpster diving??? Anyway, I was looking forward to helping out a local non-profit, exploring a possible avenue for future employment & maybe meeting some people (possible friends) w/ similar interests. I sorted a pallet of wrenches with a handful of other people for 2 hours. I felt useful, in a way. I got to walk around & look at all the great stuff (salvaged pocket doors & other amazing finds) & I met some random people. It wasn't an amazing experience but I think it could improve over time & in cooler temperatures - & I slept all night afterwards. Think I'll probably go back again.

Hm... at work, we've been building some cabinets & face frames for my boss's neighbor's kitchen. We'll be framing the concrete countertops tomorrow & pouring Tuesday. Hope that goes smoothly. I really don't enjoy these kinds of jobs - aesthetic improvements. Just doesn't feel good to me. I just don't care. Somehow it's different than our last job, which was the renovation of my boss's sister's place. I didn't care about that job either for a long time. But at some point, we really started to feel like a team united in our efforts to finish this house. It was good, for a while. I was sleeping like a baby, showing up on time (maybe even a little early), enjoying my work & looking forward to it - even though we worked some 13 hour days. Being part of a team seems crucial. (Also, their house was in an old suburban neighborhood that was quiet & filled w/ grass, trees, friendly neighbors & CHIPMUNKS! yeah, no rats. So we enjoyed our lunch breaks sprawled out on lucious green grass under beautiful shade trees & we listened to birds chirping. I really miss grass...)

Dan & I watched Harold & Maude last night. Several people have raved about it, so I decided to check it out. It was bizarre & funny. My favorite part was when this girl from a computer dating service, Sunshine, comes to meet Harold. She's following him through the house in rediculously tall boots & slips as she turns the corner. I laughed so hard. It had to be accidental but they didn't cut it. She even let out an 'Oops' as she slipped. It was America's Funniest Videos funny. (about AFV: Laughing is good for you & sometimes a person can really benefit from a weekly dose of people being rediculous. & you can get it from netflicks.)

This weekend has been filled with some great yoga. I sweated my butt off this morning. It was actually pretty gross. I'm learning a lot from each of the different teachers.

I also got to talk w/ my little brother yesterday & wish him a happy 27th birthday. Sometimes I still think he's 16. Sounds like he's doing really well & that makes me happy.

& now some photos I took a few Sundays ago on my walk to the Downtown Farmer's Market (oops, other photos ended up elsewhere in the post):

My good friend, Katie & her sister, Anna, working at the Market.