1 month down!

And so, our little boy is already a month old.  Crazy.  The last 4 weeks are a bit of a blur.  I'm not quite sure how the days pass, but they do.  Quickly.   Before I know it, I'll be back at work.  Not quite sure what I think about that.  Part of me is bummed (cuz who wants to go to work?!) and another part is a bit excited to do SOMETHING.  Not that I'm not doing things - it's just the same 5 things over and over again.  Life is so different.  Not in a bad way at all.  It's a lot to get used to at one time. 

 My Mom was here for about 12 days, which was incredibly helpful - though you might not think so after viewing the above photo.  She was supposed to stick out her tongue too...  Silly Grandma.  In the middle of her visit, I was feeling ready to try the whole stay-at-home-mom thing by myself.  But that passed and I was really sad to see her go.  I was afraid I couldn't manage the day-to-day reality of being home by myself.  It's only been 3 days so far, but I think it's going okay. 

I admit, day 1 was rough.  Actually, the day my Mom left was rough because Samuel spent the entire day screaming and not sleeping... all because he didn't poop.  He must've been feeling terrible.  Poor guy. 

The first day by myself wasn't quite that bad but I admit I didn't have as much patience as I would've liked.  Seems to happen when I don't get enough sleep.  I'm trying to be more intentional about sleeping when he's sleeping and that's going better. 

Samuel - 5 days old and very skinny.

Samuel at 1 month.  Starting to get a bit chunky. 

D and I spent some time this evening filling out a few pages of Samuel's "Baby Journal".  It was actually pretty fun - in the same way that the required pre-marriage counseling was fun.  Seems like an odd statement and at the moment, I can't quite explain it.  

I started going to physical therapy again because my shoulder's gotten very angry hefting this baby.  Hoping it's helpful quickly cuz I can't just stop picking him up.  

Trying to figure out the whole pumping milk thing.  It freaks me out a bit but I'm sure it'll be fine.  The end.

Lazy Sunday

Nothing doing so far today.  Just hanging out.  Our little friend has begun to require more help getting to sleep, which is kinda sad.  But nice that the first week and a half or so were as easy as they were.  He seems to be all done having his legs bound up in the swaddle - which I can understand.  His legs have been squished up for months.  Now's the time to stretch out & enjoy the space, cuz there's plenty!

Went to the midwife earlier this week for a blood pressure check.  It was very normal, 119 over 60 something.  Pretty cool.  I admit I was really looking forward to the appointment because we don't have a scale at home and I wanted to weigh myself.  My body's been slowly returning to a more normal size.  Sure was nice to see I'd lost 34 lbs in one week though.  That was just what I needed!  It's been hard going from being very thin to not recognizing myself in the mirror and having a few of the midwives tell me I'm gaining too much weight, etc.  Who wants to hear that?  Especially when you're not in control of the weight gain.  I mean, I guess I could've eaten less fried chicken...  but the baby wanted it.

Things are still pretty quiet.  Farmer Katie's visiting tomorrow.  Very much looking forward to that.  Getting stir crazy staying home.  Visitors are great!!  Beej, Aimee and Abby stopped by yesterday, which was lovely.  Fun to hang out, chat and have a meal together.  When they left, I was a bit exhausted and ready for a nap.  Pretty perfect.

Part of me wishes this little baby would stay little cuz he's so cute and tiny.  But I know that's ridiculous.  I don't really want him to be an infant forever.  I look forward to all the adventures to come as he learns and grows.  He sure is cute though.

Been having lots of wack dreams - and remembering them, which is very unlike me.  Wondering if this is a post-pregnancy thing or if I just needed to slow my life down this much in order to remember my dreams.  Or, I might need to wake up every 2 hours or so to remember them.  Hardly seems worth it.  I've never had any dreams about babies though, that I can remember.  Not even during the pregnancy.  Seems odd.  But I did have a dream about being the "office hooker" and about a flash mob in the shape of a bus with lots of dandelion fluff in the air...   

Not a Squirrel

A few photos from the past week.  Things are pretty quiet around here.  Life continues at a dull roar, as the wise old midwife said.  Time is irrelevant, which is odd.  What we've got going on: feeding, diapering, swaddling & calming the crying of Mr. Samuel as needed.  Feeding ourselves, showering, sitz bathing (ugh), sleeping, chatting, internetting, washing lots of laundry (we must be bad diaperers as this boy has lots of leaky poops & pees).  That's about it.  I was having these monster headaches the first few days after we were home, which sucked & made any and all of this seem completely impossible.  I'm feeling better now though and hope this ridiculous weather gets it together so the headaches are no more - spring one day, summer the next...  Very much enjoying just hanging out with the Danners.  He lightens my mood and brings a lot of silliness to the everyday - threatening to throw the baby out the window, calling him an idiot (in the nicest way possible)....   Things that probably don't seem funny to those outside our house, but seriously, they are and they make me laugh which is really nice.  I'm exhausted, still.  Probably wouldn't feel so bad if I was only 25 or 30 instead of 35, but whatever.  Parenting before now would've been disasterous for me I think.  I wasn't ready to take this on until the ripe old age of 35.  And, I wouldn't trade the many years Dan and I have had alone together for anything.  It's been amazing.  He's my best buddy, my love.  I can't imagine life without him - which kinda makes sense since we've been together for most of the last 17 years.  That's a damn long time.  I'm glad for it though.  I've had time to learn a ton about myself and him and to grow up and make a life together.  Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

I already find myself struggling with the slowness of things, even with the exhaustion.  My mind wants something to do.  It's hard to be away from work - they're purposely not communicating w/ me about stuff for a few weeks so that I can focus on baby & recovery.  It's nice, but I'm a bit bored at times.  I wonder if I'll always feel this way or if at some point I'll struggle to go back to work.  I think that's part of the reason I don't want to fully disengage from work - it'll be that much more difficult to get back into the swing of things if I'm really and truly gone for 3 months.  That's a damn long time.  I've always struggled to jump back into something when I've been away - even in grade school.  I hated going to school part way through the day if I'd been out for a doctor's appointment or something.  Hated it.  I feel the same now.  I want to be there from the beginning so I know what's up, I'm not lost, I don't have to ask a ton of questions to figure out what's going on...

But anyway...  I'm gonna try not to think about that stuff too much while I'm home.  

We're having baked potatoes for dinner.  Real ones.  Like, baked in the oven.  I've never made real baked potatoes before, which is kinda sad since I love 'em.  Growing up, we had microwaved baked potatoes.  Big family, busy schedules, quick meals.  I have always enjoyed the microwaved ones but during the pregnancy I got a bit hooked on actual baked potatoes, from Applebee's.  (Yes, I did eat there a good bit in the last many months.  Not something I would normally do - but I'm glad I found something I enjoy at the 'bee's cuz Dan's parents really enjoy eating there.  It'll be helpful in the long run.)  Anyhoo, the potatoes are done and I'm just waiting for D to wake up from his slumber.  We should probably be eating something else with them, but at the moment, I don't know what that is.  Baked potatoes are a difficult thing to build a vegetarian dinner around, so far.  Seems like we need meat....

 That's life on this end.