Heading out to ride the new bike.
I'm a little nervous.

the day or so leading up to the funeral, i felt hopeful in a way - like i was going to get to see her again. then i would remind myself that she wouldn't actually be there. because she died.

i haven't been the best friend the past year or so. not keeping in touch. living vicariously through facebook postings. sharing brief messages and comments. not calling. feeling like i knew what was going on in her life. but i didn't.

walking through the airport on my way out of town i was sure that was her up ahead. that familiar walk - i'd recognize it anywhere.

i was so grateful this woman i'd never met offered to go see her with me. when i looked in the casket and saw that it wasn't her, i was so relieved. after a few moments, she asked me if i'd said my goodbyes. i only shook my head 'yes' because i didn't recognize the body. that wasn't Dawn.

What is the lesson?

Went to a work happy hour tonight. Doesn't happen often. The last time I went was probably a year and a half ago. I don't think much of the regular happy hour crew. Based on past experience, happy hour is an extension of the bitching and gossiping about work that they do during work. Pretty exciting stuff.

But tonight's happy hour was different. It wasn't just with co-workers. It was also with several former co-workers... We've had A LOT of people leave over the last 8-10 months (approx. 1 person every 2 weeks or so) and there are a few of them I'd like to see again - one in particular. So I went. It was good to catch up with her & hear how her new adventures in teaching are going.

A current co-worker told me I should go to a strip club w/ him & some other folks because I need to do something a little more "left-of-center". What? Really? I need to go to a strip club because you think I'm lame? I was more annoyed than I thought I'd be at his judgement of me. Am I lame? I mean, yes, I probably am lame. I don't go to strip clubs, or get in fights at pool halls or... really, there are a ridiculous number of things that I don't do - too many to name. I know we all make judgements about people - that's how we get through life. There's a lot of guess work and judging to do. In the 3 years I've worked there, we've never had a conversation about anything but work or some stupid nonsense going on in his life. Don't know why I'm so irritated. We get along pretty well.

I guess I judged him as a lonely guy with a tough-guy attitude to hide behind so I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Might be true. Might not.

What he thinks doesn't even matter though. It doesn't change anything about me or my life - except that I'm mildly annoyed right now. When will I stop caring what people think? I was going to say that I should at least stop caring about the opinions of those that I don't actually care about - but I realize I do care about him. I wish he wasn't lonely because that's a shitty place to be...

Rattlesnake stew

I woke up with rattlesnake stew stuck in my head yesterday. Never had it - but I'd probably give it a try if I had the opportunity, especially if Mr. Edwards was the chef.

Enjoying a Monday morning off work. The new work schedule (four 10-hour days) is a little rough so far. The first week or 2 were great - but I've run out of steam. I struggle to get through the second half of the day, my brain stops functioning... Tuesday morning's usually a big struggle - I'm never prepared. Considering going back to 5 days a week - but actually leaving at 4pm. Hm.

Went to a Quaker Meeting last night w/ my pal, Katie. I really enjoyed it. It's a fairly new meeting that's just forming. Most of the people are fairly young. We attended a meeting before the actual meeting where they talked about the beliefs of the first Quakers. It made a lot of sense to me - I felt like they were talking to me. During the actual meeting, there was an hour of silence - which didn't seem like an hour at all - where a couple of people got up & said something thoughtful. Someone talked about the struggle for balance in life & the difficulty of listening to your inner voice. I had a terrible time quieting my mind. Stupid Katy Perry songs swimming around in my head. Now that I've typed this, they're playing Katy Perry on NPR. Ugh. Get out of my head! Anyway, I'm planning to go back again. It seems like a good group. I'm hoping to find my way out of the "recovering Catholic" mindset that's kind of squashed me for a long long time. So - we'll see.

My new group started 3 weeks ago. The most diverse group so far, I think - good mix of ages, religions, races, life experiences & probably lots of other things. So far, only one girl seems different than I thought - a little less mature than I would have liked. Or I might be reading her wrong - we'll have to wait & see.

Waiting for D to get home from some work meetings. Wonder how we'll spend the rest of this beautiful day...

Myrtle & Florian come for a visit

Summer Bounty

So, here it is mid-August. D's birthday was yesterday and summer is winding down. The garden is producing insane amounts of everything these days. These pics are from late July, so a bit out of date. The tomato plants are bigger, cucumber vines are looking a little crummy, the squash plant is going crazy - but not producing many viable squash, the beans are producing like crazy... All's well plant-wise. Didn't think it would be after the seemingly endless weeks of drought. Things were looking horrible - lots of pest problems and rot on the tomatoes... Thank you rain!!

Flowers and greens! We've been seriously slacking on salad eating. Most of the letuce/arugula has already gone to seed.

Boy-oh-boy, so excited to have eggplant - not because I really love eating eggplant, because I don't - but because I've had terrible luck with it in the past and it's doing so well AND big, purple vegetables just look so darn pretty amid the sea of green leaves!
I think this was the first "big" tomato harvest (above). HA! Yesterday I picked about 50+ good size tomatoes. If only Dan liked tomatoes! I've frozen many and shared lots with folks at work. Hoping Katie can give me a canning lesson on Monday, seeing as I'm off work & all. Should be fun. This 4-day work week is pretty sweet! This time around I lucked out and got a 4-day weekend too. Could it be any better? Probably - but this is still pretty great.

Not too much going on lately. D and I spent time together last weekend not working on the house and it was grand. It hasn't happened often enough lately, though we see each other pretty frequently. It's not always quality time - either a few hours in the evening after work, eating and chilling before bed or trying to get something accomplished around the house and quite possibly getting on each others nerves in the process. Funny how that happens. We rarely got on each others nerves before, rarely argued or had any kind of disagreements. I think that phase of life is over, at least for now. We both have lots of thoughts and feelings about this house and how it should be and figuring out the best way to do something or the best compromise isn't always easy. But we're figuring it out. Spending some quality time together away from all of it certainly helps a lot. We've gotten strangely interested in Thirty Something, the old '80s tv show. I remember the theme song - I think it was on shortly after my parents sent me to bed. Strange that I sort of identify with the characters in the show, even if they're wearing horrific '80s clothing (backwards suspenders AND pleated jeans with tapered legs??? COME ON!) .

Work's going ok. Nothing too exciting. We're still on the "every 2-weeks someone quits/gives their notice OR someone new starts". This has been going on for oh, the last 8 months I think. We've lost one staff person each of the last 3 weeks. It's been a rough summer - 7 people left so far. Oh, and one guy gave his notice last week so looks like it's not over yet. Four days of work = less drama I have to witness/overhear/be around and that's pretty great. Other than that, things are going decently well. The new boss is still a bit wack - but it's probably always like that when someone is hired from outside the organization. How do they make effective decisions when they have no idea what's going on, or very little? I don't know. But I hope he figures everything out soon.

Recruited a fantastic new crew. I'm pretty excited to get them on board. Possibly the most diverse group yet! Different ages, ethnicities & races, religions... Should be good! Plus, they're all really fabulous people. Inspiring. That's one of the coolest things about my job. I get to decide who I want to work with and who other people get to work with/work along side. I know I don't want to work w/ any dill holes, so I try to steer clear of 'em. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So far, we've got one huge pain in my ass - but I didn't recruit her, so it's not on me! Her department was already complaining that she was horrible on day 4... of 365. This could be a long year.

Huh. I think I'm too tired. Got nothing else to say. Met another really nice neighbor this morning. Our block is pretty great.

Monday Night Ramblings

My mind is spinning out of control and my heart is pounding a little bit. I feel like I could run a marathon - which isn't good for 10:30 at night. Not good at all. Been feeling out of sorts lately. Anxious. Stressed out. Irritable. Haven't had much time to myself lately - at least it feels that way. Things have been nutty at work for the past few weeks. Restructuring with the new department head. I'll spare you the drama and just say I got a promotion. It wasn't without a fight - cuz they wanted me to take on the full time work of (2) people... and pay me less than the guy who currently does the other job that I don't currently do - all while my supervisor was out of town for the week. Very shady dealings for sure. Huh... In my mind, it's just a mass of confusion. Long conversations. Me advocating for myself - cuz if I don't, who else will? It was super exciting and terrible.

It's all resolved now that my supervisor's back. I'm taking on SOME extra responsibility. What the responsibility entails is still a little gray. I've been assured this is a 40 hour per week gig (though my current responsibilities, none of which I'm relinquishing, often require more than 40 hours per week). Not sure I believe it, so that's why I argued for a higher salary. Shit, if I'm spending MORE time at work, they best pay me for it! Anyway, negotiated the raise and (4) 10 hour days instead of (5) 8's, which I'm pretty pumped about. I'm looking forward to some canning w/ Farmers Katie & Anna later this summer (woo hoo!) and hopefully just some time to chill out, in addition to having time to work on our place.

I had some caffeine this morning. This is fairly unusual for me in my old age. I used to drink coffee like a fish in high school, college and a few years after college. Gave it up due to an unhappy gut. Now I'm incredibly sensitive to it. I feel like I'm on speed. Not that I've ever done speed. I don't think I ever did anyway. Seriously though, I'm SO much more productive at work when I have some caffeine. I can FOCUS and accomplish things - which is really difficult in my office because it's crazy loud and people are talking and asking questions ALL DAY. It's so hard to get anything done. But I got a crap load accomplished this morning. It was GREAT. I'm swimming in stupid paperwork trying to finish up the service year with my band of cool kids and goof balls - and recruit the next group, which is going fairly well (recruitment, that is) and I'm pretty pumped about it - but I don't think I'll ever like/love any group as much as I do my first group. I literally LOVE them. I see them occasionally and I feel warm and squishy love. I don't know what it's like being a parent, but I liken it to parenting, possibly. I just want the best for 'em. And, they're adorable. Ugh. I miss 'em.

Ok - that was a long ramble. Dan's home and he has agreed to go on a short walk w/ me which I think would help. I was outside planting seeds until 10pm. The neighbors thing I'm nutty... Side note - we went to my former boss's birthday gathering on Friday - which was a bunch of adults with toddlers and small children hanging out - and he offered us pot brownies. So bizarre. He used to go by the name Radiance, so I guess it's not THAT bizarre... But he's got a wife, 2 kids and is about to purchase a minivan. The pot brownies seem out of place.

And now the walk.

Sunny Saturday in B'more

A quick visual update on the garden after a morning of weeding and catch up from the week away.

Pumpkins and summer squash have plenty of blossoms - no actual fruit just yet. Getting a little antsy about it...

Got a few cukes about ready to be picked. I think these are the Bush Pickles. Can't wait to make refrigerator pickes - yum!

Beets that need to be thinned (beet green salad anyone?) and eggplant plants that are getting taller every day. No blooms yet though.

Onions, a variety of lettuce-type greens and swiss chard.

The potato patch is starting to bloom.

Experimenting with 2 different methods of trellising tomatoes. The horizontal trellis below.

Vertical trellis, where the tomatoes grow up the string. I'm curious to see how it goes. Accidentally broke one of the plants trying to wind it around the string today.

Iowa pics

The group. Guess which one was fool that cut himself skinny dipping...


I took the follow pics during a walk my last night in Mount Vernon, Iowa. The sun was rapidly setting so the pics aren't the best - but I'm sure you get the point. The place is adorable. Victorian houses galore and 95% of them have gorgeous gardens and landscaping. Hostas out the wazoo.

"Downtown." Seriously though, in addition to the normal pharmacy and a few antique shops, they had a natural food store, a fair trade store and some restaurants with vegetarian cuisine. Plus, the people were so nice.

A pic of the chapel on campus - King's Chapel, I think it was called. This photo doesn't show much of the campus, but Cornell College was as adorable as the rest of the town. Check 'em out if you're ever in Iowa.

On the plane back I sat next to some wacky woman named Jennifer from Fairfield, Iowa. She was telling me all about this wack-sounding green design/architecture method from ancient India. Similar to Feng Shui but older. Fairfield sound like an interesting place...

did a naked girl visit your room last night?

that's what i was asked at breakfast this morning. and so goes this iowa trip. drunk girl takes bath at 4am. walks naked back to her room. has trouble finding said room. enters my supervisees' room (3) times - buck naked mind you. after the 3rd time, they learn to lock the door. she finds her room and goes to bed. we find a pile of clothes by the bathtub this morning. aah. if this is what it's like w/ a group of people in their early-to-mid 20s, i don't even want to think about the life of an RA with actual college kids.

so, my time here is almost up!! Yippie! what a long week. though i was required to attend a few meetings this week, i feel bad that i was here the rest of the time. it was so disorganized and unproductive. lots of sitting. if nothing else, i've had lots of impromptu naps while waiting for the rain to stop, waiting for a new task or just waiting for time to pass so i could go back to the dorm. jeez.

it hasn't been a bad trip - just entirely too long. 3 days too long. but the town is adorable - as is the campus. feeds my fantasy of having a college do-over. they even have this wierd thing here where you only take one class at a time. huh. didn't know that was possible.

i realized when talking to katie earlier this evening that there were exactly two times that i felt a little at home this week: one time i heard an ambulance siren and the other time they served lentils for dinner in the dining hall. what can i say? both are comforting.

my mind does feel a little clearer - it's not such a struggle to write down random thoughts. maybe i need to do something about that in my real life.

looking forward to my last breakfast with potatoes - damn they're good! if you live here, you have potatoes for just about every meal. not too shabby.

also looking forward to getting back to my own life - spending time w/ D, hanging out at our house, working in the garden (i hear we've got some tiny tomats and cukes!).

big sky country

and so it goes. another day in iowa. went to our site this morning where they were poorly prepped for the work we were to do (exterior painting) - they didn't even know what paint was for which part of the house. good thing they had like 20 people to help paint this house. and then it rained. and rained. and rained. our day on site was canceled before noon. LAME. had a sad excuse for a lunch (vegetarian lunch = 2 handfulls of "salad" with 5 chickpeas in it). stood in the rain. rode back to the campus in a bus that had the emergency overhead doors (like a sunroof) open so it was raining in my eyes. we tried to close it but couldn't figure it out so i wore my safety glasses the rest of the ride.

read this book i borrowed (it's not very good - sorry Paulo Coehlo) and took a short nap. went for a nice walk in the cute neighborhoods around campus. envied people's hostas & handsome landscaping. bought some peanut butter and cheese to pad out tomorrow's meager lunch. played hearts w/ the kids. had dinner. went to a recruitment fair & talked w/ folks about our positions. interviewed a guy. now i'm procrastinating going to bed - again. i'm ready to go home now.

one of my members here is being a total jackass. i'm not sure what he's up to - he's always doing his own thing, which annoys the hell out of me - but he told me yesterday how frustrated he was that he couldn't find a first aid kit or get any medical attention for the large cut on his hand that he received when "falling". (he's also a bad liar) - mind you, i'd seen him in the middle of the day rushing off somewhere and he didn't say a word about this terrible emergency that happened 12 hours ago... apparently he was drunk the previous night and went skinny dipping in the pond behind our dorm w/ some other dumbasses & somehow cut himself pretty badly. i found him some help & offered the hydrogen peroxide i have in my room (for brushing my teeth - gross, i know). i wasn't able to provide the proxide immediately because i had a meeting & he seemed a little shocked that his care wasn't my first priority. i'm SO SOOOO tired of his spoiled, annoying-ass attitude. i can't wait until his last day. so full of himself. OH-MY-GOD! making me crazy.

this probably sounds all wine-y and compain-y - & maybe it is - but i'm really not in a bad mood. just bored. why can't i just take a random week off work and stay home to get my own stuff done? i guess i can, but i won't get paid for it... i'm just BORED. went running last night. it was good though i missed a turn and ended up in the middle of corn fields - which was pretty cool, actually. running next to rusty wire fences, watching swooping birds (i think they were orioles) and staring up at the endless sky of the midwest. i don't miss it - but it's pretty damn cool looking.

that's it. i have to sleep now. early day on site tomorrow. hope it doesn't rain.

Someone's gotta post something. If it's not going to be you, I guess it'll have to be me.

So... here I am in Mt Vernon, Iowa (just outside Cedar Rapids) with my crew from work. We're here for the next week. Long day of traveling. on the first flight i sat next to a diving instructor - as in scuba diving. he leads expeditions to explore ship wrecks and the like and travels all the time - he only sees his wife & small kids (in minneapolis) on the weekends. i didn't even realize this was a potential job - but i guess someone has to do it.

So I'm sitting in my single un-air conditioned dorm room on a very hard mattress, procrastinating pooping in the public bathroom because i hate it. i've always hated it and i'm sure i will continue to hate it. why do i want to poop with other people i know in the room? or really ANYONE in the room? thing is, i don't.

walking back from the dining hall this evening i noticed lots of tiny little frogs hopping across the sidewalks. tiny like smaller than a dime. so so small. huh. iowa. i was expecting it to be the same as missouri.

so i'm here for the next week for a habitat build in cedar rapids. it's also the height of recruitment season so i don't know how much time i'll spend on site. i've got interviews set up for tomorrow & sunday so far. hoping for many more during my stay.

this dorm room came w/ a box fan, which is pretty sweet. i have a lot of difficulty sleeping w/out one - & i've been told there are loud trains that come through every 2 hours all night long - so i'm glad to have it. i'm glad i didn't have to figure out how to jam one in my suitcase...

not sure why i stopped writing in the blog. many reasons, i guess. time. i will blame this on BIG LOVE which we just recently finished - & i'm so relieved. i love it & am addicted to it when it's around therefore i get nothing else accomplished. not motivated to write about much & i'm sooo tired of writing about house projects. how boring! the garden's coming along well. i hope to post a photo sometime soon. we have little cukes! D's in charge of watering while i'm away. hope that goes well. i know it's a bit of a pain.

work is the same. it's work. seems like there are some opportunities to change things up a bit - but i'm not sure if i want that just yet. got a new boss about a month ago. he's ok. not as direct as he could be, but that's ok for now. in the past 4 weeks, people have left their jobs. one more person will be leaving soon. i think we've lost about 15 people since last june. maybe more. we haven't gone 2 weeks w/out a staffing change in at least 6 months. i've become somewhat numb to it at this point. i had a review a while back, before the new boss started, and i was expecting it to be very negative. but it was the opposite & i got a raise. so far this raise is only verbal - apparently my old boss has yet to turn in the review so...

i think that's about it. i'm going to try & read a little before i make some sleeps. borrowed a book from a coworker. paulo coelho - the witch of portobello. we'll see if it's any good.

columbine schmolumbine

forgot to mention my new favorite book Columbine. loved it. i'm obsessed with it. i don't remember much about the event as it happened - too sucked into my last days in college. the book was so good, i couldn't put it down. when i finished it, i finally let myself Google the hell out of it, looking up photos, videos, articles. for a school shooting that basically unfolded on television, i had a hard time finding video of it or follow up interviews. eventually i found some wacky british movie about it that completely messed with my head. the killers became way too real = lots of trouble sleeping. it wasn't as bad as the exorcist though. nothing beats that for terrifying.

sunshine and bees

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. the trees are flowering, birds are chirping and the bees are suddenly everywhere. our neighbors are out and about - one of them just brought us a janky little table that "matches" the couch on our porch. the porch couch is this funky bamboo frame thing w/ a bold tropical print - chock full of Lino's house smells (cat dander, cigar smoke and old house funk). the new table sports none of these attributes - but it does have fake bamboo legs and a laminated particle board top. i'm not seeing the match...

earlier this week, some crazy doctor lady yanked off the toenail of my big toe. i went to see her because my toenail'd been killing me since i hit it with a pallet jack last week. i'm not sure what i was expecting her to do - but yanking it out wasn't on the list. she did numb me up somewhat - also a terrible experience. i can't recommend any of it.

a few weeks ago i had 2 lumps removed from my right breast. benign. all's well. it's just strange that i've had toe and boob problems in the same month. i had toe and boob problems shortly before my move to baltimore. makes me wonder if there's another big change lurking around the corner.

i'm enjoying a lovely day off work - a perk of working for a christian organization = long easter weekend. might be the only perk... slept in late, ran some errands and enjoyed the sunshine. as i left the post office, a dog was taking a big dump in the post office driveway. and the owner didn't clean it up. so gross. as i pulled out, i told the guy he should clean it up and of course he was all, "but i don't have anything to clean it up with." and i was all, "well, you should." what a boob. part of me was glad i said something (because i think we should hold eachother accountable) and the rest of me was annoyed that there are lazy fools out there like that guy.

not much else going on. looking forward to hanging out w/ d-bone tomorrow. hopefully tilling up the garden. hoping i can get my foot in a shoe - otherwise, i won't be helpful w/ tilling. can't wait to start the garden! i'm feeling pretty nervous about it. our soil is so gooey and swampy after all the snow and rain. but seeds are meant to grow, right? so it'll probably be just fine.

good god, it's gorgeous out here.

what to do with this ugly table??

jeezus it's almost thursday

on fb just now i saw that someone i worked w/ when i first moved to baltimore had a baby earlier this week. it's freaking me out! she'd never even done taxes or had a job when we started working together. it's funny that in my mind she's stayed the same age she was when we last spent time together. freaking me out. seriously.

oh stupid fb - i too want to quit you... or just create a whole different me that's just for people i'm actually friends with. it went down hill when folks from work found me. ugh. & it allows me to be lazy & feel connected to people when i'm not. i should actually call them.

do you ever wonder, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!" i've been thinking that a lot lately. my job feels so damn miserable. i feel so ineffective...for the 9th month in a row. i have lots of interests - which is a good thing - but the fact that i haven't got one solid area of skill is waring on me. especially in this job where i have to multi-task & do too many things. i can't do anything well. how can i make it better? get an intern? do i want to deal w/ that? or do i just want to get rid of L? i want to get rid of L & i want an intern. L makes me nuts even though i try not to let him. why did i make us sit near eachother?? stupid stupid stupid!!

part of me wishes i was 63 instead of 33. i'm tired of trying to figure out this stupid job thing. would it be better if we all worked grueling long hours in factories and had no choices? no. but that would take a lot of this worry away. i'm sure i'd have plenty of other things to worry about.

will the world as we know it end in 2012? i hear it might. according to the mayan calendar. if that's true, then i only have 2 more years of trying to figure this crap out & then i can just focus on day-to-day survival. huh.

the CFO at my work today told me in a round about way that someone was going to be getting fired. i'm not sure why she shared this with me. all i can do is wonder who the hell it is!?!? i wish it was L but i know that's not the case.

a few weeks ago, i decided i should be a nutritionist. i realize that's probably not true, but it made that day at work seem a lot better - hopeful even. then i realized i could give a rat's ass about science.

Antarctica?

I'm pretty sure we're not in Baltimore anymore. What the hell?!


The view of our neighbor's house from our kitchen "nook" window. Crazy huge icicles hanging from our gutters.


I sure hope we get to go sledding today so I can stop bitching about it... And that we don't freeze to death/die attempting to have fun in the snow. Really though, blizzards in Baltimore? This is ridiculous.

Snowpocalypse?

probably not. pretty sure it's just a snow storm - like the 3 or 4 other ones we've had. it's been a wacky winter here in the mid-atlantic, that's for sure. glad for the snow though cuz that means we don't have to work tomorrow! by we, i mean me - i don't have to.

so here we are, in february. 33 is just around the corner. i had a startling realization the other night. we were at a josh rouse concert, waiting for the show to begin and as I looked around at all the people in the room, i wondered aloud, "are all josh rouse fans middle-aged white people?" dan confirmed my suspicions & it dawned on me that i am one of them. middle aged. wierd. (i was already aware of my whiteness.)

funny how self-awareness works. i often share w/ my recruits at work how it took me a looong time to grow up and develop a decent amount of self-awareness. i wonder why? i don't have any answers. in the past month that we've been living in our house, i've realized i still have a long long way to go. moving in to our house was seriously one of the most exciting things EVER. (especially considering the shit hole we were moving from.) but the excitement was quickly overshadowed by a crap load of arguing. not even disagreeing (i much prefer this term - it seems less confrontational & agressive). it was straight up arguing. about stupid stupid crap. you'd think in the 15 years we've been together and known eachother that we would've found whatever there was to argue about. apparently not. turns out, i'm a big ol' baby when i don't get my way. i married this man who is so kind and laid back - he doesn't voice an opinion unless he really really cares - that i've almost always been able to do things my way. turns out, when he has an opinion that's different than mine, i pout & argue & turn into a big jerk. so, that was fun. on top of that, leading the renovations went to my head a bit, i think. maybe more than a bit. aren't you glad you're not married to me? (sorry, D.)

what can i say? life is a journey. on a good day (which actually feels like a bad day), i learn something about myself. D & i are doing fine. we're looking forward to being snowed in over the next 24-36 hours, working on some house projects, watching some Arrested Development (love it!) and enjoying tasty home cooked meals (yeah kale & potato soup!). be good. stay warm & enjoy the snow! it sure is purdy.

still with the bathroom

i'm not sure how we ended up here, living in this house. but i'm glad. it was worth all the frustration, worry and time consuming work. moving sucked because moving sucks - but it was fantastic all the same! we own this place. we can be loud. we can be messy. we can tear down "permanent" things and replace them with other permanent things. wierd!

still struggling w/ the bathroom tile. the grout sealer i used didn't work. but it was "green". it was odorless & didn't hurt my skin. we've moved on to some serious shit - we have to wear respirators just to breathe while applying it. really gross stuff. but at this point, as long as it works, i'll get over it. we need to be able to shower. dan's been hitting the gym in the mornings & i'm washing up in the sink. pretty exciting stuff. shaving the legs will have to wait a little longer.

started out the day w/ some mouse death. i woke up when one trap snapped last night & i was fairly sure i heard something still moving around after the snap. too afraid to go into the kitchen this morning, i convinced dan to check it out. we had not one but 2 mice in the traps. 1 was dead, the other caught a little flap of skin & fur on his back in the trap & was totally alive. super suck. i didn't know what to do. take it outside & let it go? (is it even possible to open the trap w/ a mouse in it?) dan was curageous & did the deed even though he didn't want to. strange and awful to start the day by killing an animal. why is it ok? i mean, i have zero interest in having rodents running around & shitting all over our kitchen. GROSS. but killing them feels so awful. i was so sure we'd found & plugged the holes the night before we moved in. maybe we did & we just sealed in some of the critters - or maybe we didn't... i wish they would just move out so they don't get killed.