jeezus it's almost thursday

on fb just now i saw that someone i worked w/ when i first moved to baltimore had a baby earlier this week. it's freaking me out! she'd never even done taxes or had a job when we started working together. it's funny that in my mind she's stayed the same age she was when we last spent time together. freaking me out. seriously.

oh stupid fb - i too want to quit you... or just create a whole different me that's just for people i'm actually friends with. it went down hill when folks from work found me. ugh. & it allows me to be lazy & feel connected to people when i'm not. i should actually call them.

do you ever wonder, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!" i've been thinking that a lot lately. my job feels so damn miserable. i feel so ineffective...for the 9th month in a row. i have lots of interests - which is a good thing - but the fact that i haven't got one solid area of skill is waring on me. especially in this job where i have to multi-task & do too many things. i can't do anything well. how can i make it better? get an intern? do i want to deal w/ that? or do i just want to get rid of L? i want to get rid of L & i want an intern. L makes me nuts even though i try not to let him. why did i make us sit near eachother?? stupid stupid stupid!!

part of me wishes i was 63 instead of 33. i'm tired of trying to figure out this stupid job thing. would it be better if we all worked grueling long hours in factories and had no choices? no. but that would take a lot of this worry away. i'm sure i'd have plenty of other things to worry about.

will the world as we know it end in 2012? i hear it might. according to the mayan calendar. if that's true, then i only have 2 more years of trying to figure this crap out & then i can just focus on day-to-day survival. huh.

the CFO at my work today told me in a round about way that someone was going to be getting fired. i'm not sure why she shared this with me. all i can do is wonder who the hell it is!?!? i wish it was L but i know that's not the case.

a few weeks ago, i decided i should be a nutritionist. i realize that's probably not true, but it made that day at work seem a lot better - hopeful even. then i realized i could give a rat's ass about science.

Antarctica?

I'm pretty sure we're not in Baltimore anymore. What the hell?!


The view of our neighbor's house from our kitchen "nook" window. Crazy huge icicles hanging from our gutters.


I sure hope we get to go sledding today so I can stop bitching about it... And that we don't freeze to death/die attempting to have fun in the snow. Really though, blizzards in Baltimore? This is ridiculous.

Snowpocalypse?

probably not. pretty sure it's just a snow storm - like the 3 or 4 other ones we've had. it's been a wacky winter here in the mid-atlantic, that's for sure. glad for the snow though cuz that means we don't have to work tomorrow! by we, i mean me - i don't have to.

so here we are, in february. 33 is just around the corner. i had a startling realization the other night. we were at a josh rouse concert, waiting for the show to begin and as I looked around at all the people in the room, i wondered aloud, "are all josh rouse fans middle-aged white people?" dan confirmed my suspicions & it dawned on me that i am one of them. middle aged. wierd. (i was already aware of my whiteness.)

funny how self-awareness works. i often share w/ my recruits at work how it took me a looong time to grow up and develop a decent amount of self-awareness. i wonder why? i don't have any answers. in the past month that we've been living in our house, i've realized i still have a long long way to go. moving in to our house was seriously one of the most exciting things EVER. (especially considering the shit hole we were moving from.) but the excitement was quickly overshadowed by a crap load of arguing. not even disagreeing (i much prefer this term - it seems less confrontational & agressive). it was straight up arguing. about stupid stupid crap. you'd think in the 15 years we've been together and known eachother that we would've found whatever there was to argue about. apparently not. turns out, i'm a big ol' baby when i don't get my way. i married this man who is so kind and laid back - he doesn't voice an opinion unless he really really cares - that i've almost always been able to do things my way. turns out, when he has an opinion that's different than mine, i pout & argue & turn into a big jerk. so, that was fun. on top of that, leading the renovations went to my head a bit, i think. maybe more than a bit. aren't you glad you're not married to me? (sorry, D.)

what can i say? life is a journey. on a good day (which actually feels like a bad day), i learn something about myself. D & i are doing fine. we're looking forward to being snowed in over the next 24-36 hours, working on some house projects, watching some Arrested Development (love it!) and enjoying tasty home cooked meals (yeah kale & potato soup!). be good. stay warm & enjoy the snow! it sure is purdy.