afternoon confessional

everyday i come home & eat cheese

streets on the china, never met her before

this week:

1. someone hit the side of our parked car & left a fat dent.
2. a promising applicant accepted a position at work. two down, six to go.
   
3. another promising applicant is no longer returning my phone calls. it feels strangely like dating - wondering what happened & never knowing why... it sucks. i was so hopeful & now i'm scrambling for more good people. where does one find them??
   
4. my shoulder is improving. my back, however, is unchanged. (do physical therapists pay for chiropractic care when they injure one part of you while treating another part??)
   
5. i had a large X taped across my back, holding my shoulders in the "correct" position.
   
6. i put my seedlings out on the roof for some much needed sunshine, only to watch some crazy little bird massacre them. he tore stems in half & ripped plants apart - that little bastard!
   
7. i made some AWESOME sleeps this weekend whilst D was sleeping on the couch - he's been sick with a cold & nice enough not to wake me with coughing, etc.
   
8. we're heading to ohio for a long holiday weekend & we're SO EXCITED!!! it's been way too long since we've seen the cool kids. we may get to see them again on our trip to stl louis, in early july, because we'll be stopping in columbus, OH for the tom waits concert.
   
9. i'm working on cutting out my cup of caffeinated tea in the mornings. it's going ok... but it kinda sucks.
   
10. in the shower this morning, i learned that i had the lyrics to the Mr. Belvedere theme song all wrong. seriously though, leon redbone could enunciate a little more...

they care way more than i do

so... just got back from 2.5 hours of "happy hour" with some folks from work. i realized during the long, drawn-out conversation- about work, of course - that i'm not nearly as committed as they are. in fact, i could walk away now & would be just fine. i don't really want to walk away at the moment. but i have to admit, getting more of the insider's view of things kinda sucks. i should've realized that they wanted to dump on me & see if i could get anything past our supervisor. uuugh. seriously, i have enough on my plate.

so i'm still interviewing applicants & a few people have been in for working interviews. had two such folks in today. it was a little stressful. i already had my ideas about certain people being a good fit or not, prior to actually meeting them. anyway, i got word at the end of the day that the opposite of what i thought was true on the job. huh. one person is way more skilled than the other, even though that person's life may not be as together as the others. jeez. this is really tough. suddenly, i've started to feel like i'm scrambling for applicants. a little panicky. maybe i should take anyone who seems kinda ok? yeah, probably not.

in other news, i got my teeth cleaned the other day, for the first time in 6 years. that's right. 6 years. it wasn't really something i took care of once i had to take over & make decisions for myself & see to my own health care, etc. hm... it wasn't that bad, actually. i don't eat crap, i drink a lot of water & brush my teeth often. i did learn that tartar = barnacles on your teeth caused by saliva. gross.

i'm off to do some reading & winding down after a long ass day.

monday, monday

why can't i sleep??
i think it's because i have an applicant coming in on Wednesday for a "working interview" & i'm fairly certain she won't make the cut. she called me & i wasn't expecting it - i was completely unprepared to tell her we couldn't offer her a position. so now i have to meet her & feel even worse when i deliver the news. sucky. alas, i have to be a grownup sometimes.

i'm getting a little nutso about work & putting together a construction curriculum. i'm really not sure how to teach construction. i mean, on-the-job learning seems to be very effective, but slow. i think there should be some training that occurs outside of the job-site. d & i went to the library yesterday & i got about 15 books on construction... all the good ones they had. :) sorry, all you do-it-yourselfers. i've got the good books until june 1. they've got a lot of good details/diagrams as well as tips n'tricks. i admit i don't have as much experience with structural framing as everyone else i work with... i'm more of a trim girl. i often feel inadequate because my construction experience is so different. & because my shoulder doesn't work, so i can't lift anything, & my voice isn't as strong as it could be, so people can't hear me. i'm awesome at my job, really, i am. :)

not too much else going on these days. it's cold as crap & rainy here. made chili & cornbread for dinner tonight, that's how cold it is. chili on may 12. d & i had a pretty good time hanging out yesterday, running errands & whatnot, being silly. we watched American Beauty last night, which we'd seen before, but i couldn't remember the plot. it was good, but disturbing. i felt so awful for the gay guy in the end, it just about broke my heart. we all know how shitty it is not being accepted for who you are. jeez. i can't imagine spending my entire life pretending to be someone else. would i have rather watched Karate Kid? i don't think so.

hm... i guess that's about it. my garden was doing ok, last i checked. could be completely washed out by now for all i know. planted a bunch of wild flowers & daisies in the boxes on our roof. i'm excited to have a little color on our roof - a big change from black tar. :) my brussel sprouts aren't doing so well though - the seedlings do well for a few weeks, turn yellow & die.

still working on making friends with my hair. it truly has a mind of its own. i'm pretty much over it though & i don't feel like a boy or a lesbian, so that's cool. i do think i should probably invest in some sort of "product" though.

the damage is done

it takes me a while to step forward & make a change. really. i talk about things i want to do A LOT ....sometimes i follow through, sometimes i don't. made some progress with my follow through yesterday & unknowingly got a shocking haircut. it's sort-of what i've been talking about for years now (i was thinking about it today while D & I were at the park - 7 years of talking about cutting the hair) but i didn't really intent to do this far. i get a little more cut each time i go... but then the person moves away or i stop getting my hair cut for 5 or 6 months & have to start over. that plan didn't quite work out this time. i brought a picture (same one i brought last time - but to a different stylist) & said i want it like this but a little longer. i really liked the resulting cut last time - after a day or so. this time, not so much. i mean, this is more like the cut i had in 2nd grade when people thought i was a boy. this is the reason i talked about it for 7 years & didn't do anything. is there a chance i'll get used to it?

some new do's i could sport, should i feel so inclined:
whatcha think of the "boys don't cry" look? turns out i had a reason to be nervous...