it came & went

i had my job interview today & i don't feel all that positive about it. i left the interview feeling sad & beaten down & that's never fun. i didn't think i got my hopes up about the whole thing. i wasn't sure i'd like the job once i found out the nitty gritty about it. i'm not sure if my interviewer was trying to scare me or not but i left feeling like i wasn't the right person for the job. i'm not a "bulldog" - that's how he explained part of the position... a bulldog. it's hard to explain as i don't want to go into specifics on the blog. also, i'm not sure i have the right personality to deal with conflict & personality issues. then again, we're all adults, right? it's not like dealing with middle schoolers, right? or maybe it is & i already know that's not my strong suit. also, i can't make a huge time commitment since i've got this whole grad school plan.

so the rest of the day was kind of pointless. i was just feeling BAD. guess i got my hopes up thinking this job would surely save me from my current mind-numbing job & i'd be around lots of cool people & i'd learn lots of interesting things. when i got home, i convinced dan to go out to lunch w/ me even though he was in the middle of eating a large bowl of cheerios. he's such a good sport. so we tried this little place in the neighborhood that we've never been , carma's cafe. it was cute but i wasn't terribly impressed w/ my food. after that, there was a lot of laying around trying to take a nap while post-interview thoughts swirled around in my head. then off to the gym. katie joined me this evening for talking & drinks. we talked about how difficult it is, not knowing what we're doing w/ our lives. woe is us. we're actually incredibly lucky people. healthy. no major problems.... just struggling to find the right place in the world. it was good to hang out & commisserate w/ someone over the trials & tribulations of constant confusion.

& so my boss is out of town for the next few days & i'm free to jack around all i want. hopefully i'll fill most of my time w/ interesting things. think dan & i may go hiking tomorrow in a new spot. katie has suggested patapsco valley park as it has beautiful trails & water - canoeing & tubing, etc. should be fun. we might have another adventure when we're both off tuesday. maybe monday will be a labor day B-B-Q of hot dogs & meat for the meat eaters! we might make pepsi stoves . who can say? life's an adventure, right. right.... WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

transcripts schmanscripts

the weekend update:

after yoga on friday, i stopped by the B&N to pick up some books i ordered as i begin the search for the next step. i'm really excited about one of the books, Ecological Design and Building Schools . it covers schools & programs in the US & Canada. i hope to find something as interesting as Fleming College in Haliburton, Ontario, Canada but in the US. that would be swell. dan & i talked about it a bit & it doesn't seem so smart to relocate to canada for 5 months for school & then have to find jobs elsewhere & move again. if i went, he'd probably stay here & that is not an option i like at all. too much like college all over again.

anyhoo, so signing up for a physics class didn't pan out. & it wasn't because i didn't try. dan & i raced over there saturday morning, after i found out registration was closing in 30 minutes. it was crazy. we waited in line for approx. 3 hours to find out that i couldn't sign up for physics because i didn't have my college transcript to show that i'd taken the prereq. college algebra course. but it turns out the class was full anyway so it was a wasted 3 hours. so it'll have to wait until next semester.

we went to a potluck last night. wasn't sure what to expect. sometimes i enjoy myself more than others. we brought the beet dish & LOTS of alcohol, just in case. but i had an enjoyable time without the alcohol.

today seemed like a LONG day. dan did laundry this morning while i went to yoga & ran a few errands. then we layed around for a while this afternoon. had some homemade salsa for dinner & it was delicious. should've doubled the recipe. jake called during dinner & it was good to catch up. he & melissa will be celebrating their upcoming anniversary in NYC & possibly stopping in balto, which would be fun. turns out we may have lots of visitors this fall. dan spoke with his parents this morning & they're planning a visit for sometime in september. gena & robin may be joining us for the High Zero Festival again this fall. lots o visitors! so i guess if i change jobs, that could eliminate my flexible schedule, but such is life i guess.

we saw the Simpsons Movie this evening. it was just like the tv show except they showed bart's penis. so that's that. back to work in the a.m. ick.

progress

you may find yourself wondering what i've been able to accomplish in the last 2 days. well, i went to work, both days, all day long (that's generally how it works, so no major accomplishment there). last night, after dan & i enjoyed a chipotle dinner & a walk to the grocery store, i updated my resume & officially applied for that job at habitat. thanks to the danner for saving my horrendous cover letter. in roughly 10 minutes, he came up with something that was more concise, compelling & truthful than the drivel i wrote in an hour. so now we know who has the big brain in this family - the big-D (not that there was ever any question there). if i end up going back to school, i'm afraid i'll want his help WAY too often. i can't even remember how to write a paper. jeez!

at any rate, i also looked in to the architecture program at morgan & found out physics is what i need. so the plan is to sign up for a physics class tomorrow. YIKES! honestly, this was not in my plans at the beginning of the week... & look where we are. but i have to say, making progress feels good. working towards SOMETHING feels good, even if it ends up not being the right thing.

so i guess we'll see if i actually make it into the physics class. there's only one section & it meets mon & wed from 5-7:30pm starting next week (as in, 3 days from now). eek.

oh, & i got a response from my resume this morning. i'll have an interview sometime next week. now i just have to figure out how to approach this subject at work - that i'm looking around. stay tuned. i'm off to read some books about grad school & sustainable building schools.

it could be worse - i could have syphilis

just got back from some hangin' out with my good buddy, katie. we took a long walk & discussed life & jobs & relationships... attempted to figure it all out. don't think it'll ever be figured out. that's the nature of life - constantly changing & not always in ways we can control. so i came home feeling like i should actually DO all the things i think and talk about doing. those things include:

1. update my resume & send it along w/ a cover letter to habitat & officially apply for the job that has peaked my interest
2. call morgan state & see what the prereq's are for the masters in architecture. schedule an appointment to talk w/ one of the faculty. (the thinking here is, maybe get some of the general stuff out of the way at morgan where it would be local & less expensive & then transfer to another grad program, possibly oregon. also, i don't think they require a gre... but i could be wrong.)
3. look into taking prereqs at a local community college - either physics or calculus as i think both are required. (but, dammit, i don't want to take either class. i'm not so great with that type of math & not so good w/ science either. maybe it'll be easier at a community college??)
4. call americorps about the program in canada & see if i can use my ed award to pay for the schooling there...
5. stop worrying & thinking so damn much & actually DO SOMETHING (or, get the fuck off the stage - as they say in dan's favorite movie, Wet Hot American Summer)

it's a tall order, this list. but i finally managed to make an appointment for a haircut, so i'm sure i can do these things too.

there are no easy answers

So here we are. Looks like I'm not keeping up w/ the blog. Until this week, there hadn't been much going on other than extreme heat & things associated w/ it - coming home after work & not wanting to cook dinner, sitting around in our underwear, sweating, etc.

Luckily, it has cooled off the last few days. And we took a fun trip to visit friends in Ohio mid-week. That always makes life more enjoyable. We ate lots of tasty veges every day (yeah for jen & her roased vege cookbook) & did some good old fashion hanging out, chit chatting.

Some Highlights from the trip:

1. On the drive in, we passed a truck w/ the sign "Surface Banana" painted on the back. Still haven't figured that one out.
2. On our day trip to Yellow Springs, OH for some sightseeing & hiking, we had lunch at the table next to Dave Chapelle. (Famous comedian & actor from movies & tv shows I've never seen.) No one made an ass out of themselves & that was good.
3. On the trip back to Balto, we got a flat tire. Might not seem like a highlight, but it actually worked out pretty well. We had discussed replacing 2 of the old tires before the drive but decided to wait until we got back. We've learned it's not always the best idea to have someone mess w/ the car right before a long drive. (One year, we got stuck overnight in Cumberland, MD after the car had been "fixed"...) We drove to a small town on the donut, got 2 replacement tires & finished the drive home.

A picture from our lunch at the table NEXT TO a celebrity:
Not much to report since coming home. I realize I need to move on from my current job. I'm not learning anything & I'm bored bored bored. I found an interesting job at one of the local Habitats & think I'll apply. A solid purpose that I can agree with, working with lots of good people, working on my communication skills, possibly learning some things & I could still walk to work - if I get myself out the door by 7am. Always a plus. Seems frightening to have a REAL job though. Real job meaning, I probably can't just ask for random days off because Dan's off & we'd like to go hang out/go to the beach...& I need to arrive on time - which hasn't been my strong point lately. But that's ok.

Been thinking about relocating lately. We've talked about it off & on for a little while. Since returning from Ohio, we've talked about it a lot. On Friday, I came up with what seemed like a brilliant plan: I get a new job & we save money. Next summer, we move to Eugene, Oregon (following our Ohio friends). We get jobs & I get my masters in architecture. I was feeling pretty pumped on Friday after sharing the news with Dan. I reasoned that we don't always know what to do but we just need to jump & that could be a good jump. Seemed so perfect. Doesn't seem perfect anymore. I'd like to stop the internal battle in my head over whether or not I should get a masters in architecture. I'm getting too OLD to wonder & worry about it. I want to do it or not do it & move on. I enjoy learning & taking classes but I'm not so much into Calculus & Physics & listening to people b.s. about architecture & architecture theory & staying up all night working on theoretical projects that don't mean anything. But that does seem to be what I'm interested in & maybe it would be helpful to have the degree so I can do what exactly?? Nothing like having a bunch of school debt, I hear.

How do I figure it all out?

So... back to the finding a career counselor thing. Where are they hiding? How do I find a good one?

Don't want to go back to work tomorrow. My enthusiasm about making cabinet doors & talking w/ some guy about doing the trim on his project is zero. So I guess that means I should make the best of today & get my resume in the mail!

By the by, the insomnia was much better during the week and a half I didn't write. But now it's back. Related to the job/school/future thing, I suppose. Dammit!!

Why can't it be fall already?

I'm SO tired of the heat. I want our apartment to feel comfortable again. I'm tired of coming home to temperatures more disgusting than outside.

Dan & I just finished watching ROME, season 2 first episode (a fabulous HBO show) from netflix. I love that show & highly recommend it.

Nothing much going on here. It's disgusting pretty much everywhere except air-conditioned spaces these days (our bedroom included). Supposed to be pouring a concrete countertop at work tomorrow. Hope things go smoothly.

Weekend Update

I'm sitting in the kitchen enjoying a tasty snack of cheese & crackers & prune juice, waiting for Dan to get home from work.

Not much going on the past few days. I did manage to catch up with my doctor who doesn't like to give prescriptions for sleep aids (which is good because I really don't want to rely on one) & suggested I look into alternative methods & figure out why I can't sleep. Sooooo....same old stuff, I guess.

I got me some kickin' new glasses from ye old Lens Crafters. I'm enjoying my improved vision & it feels good to scratch that off my list.

On Wednesday evening after work I volunteered for a salvaged building materials warehouse. I'd been wanting to check the place out for a while because: 1. it helps keep existing STUFF (cabinets, doors, lumber, etc.) out of landfills. 2. it's a much less expensive way to build. 3. who doesn't like a little organized dumpster diving??? Anyway, I was looking forward to helping out a local non-profit, exploring a possible avenue for future employment & maybe meeting some people (possible friends) w/ similar interests. I sorted a pallet of wrenches with a handful of other people for 2 hours. I felt useful, in a way. I got to walk around & look at all the great stuff (salvaged pocket doors & other amazing finds) & I met some random people. It wasn't an amazing experience but I think it could improve over time & in cooler temperatures - & I slept all night afterwards. Think I'll probably go back again.

Hm... at work, we've been building some cabinets & face frames for my boss's neighbor's kitchen. We'll be framing the concrete countertops tomorrow & pouring Tuesday. Hope that goes smoothly. I really don't enjoy these kinds of jobs - aesthetic improvements. Just doesn't feel good to me. I just don't care. Somehow it's different than our last job, which was the renovation of my boss's sister's place. I didn't care about that job either for a long time. But at some point, we really started to feel like a team united in our efforts to finish this house. It was good, for a while. I was sleeping like a baby, showing up on time (maybe even a little early), enjoying my work & looking forward to it - even though we worked some 13 hour days. Being part of a team seems crucial. (Also, their house was in an old suburban neighborhood that was quiet & filled w/ grass, trees, friendly neighbors & CHIPMUNKS! yeah, no rats. So we enjoyed our lunch breaks sprawled out on lucious green grass under beautiful shade trees & we listened to birds chirping. I really miss grass...)

Dan & I watched Harold & Maude last night. Several people have raved about it, so I decided to check it out. It was bizarre & funny. My favorite part was when this girl from a computer dating service, Sunshine, comes to meet Harold. She's following him through the house in rediculously tall boots & slips as she turns the corner. I laughed so hard. It had to be accidental but they didn't cut it. She even let out an 'Oops' as she slipped. It was America's Funniest Videos funny. (about AFV: Laughing is good for you & sometimes a person can really benefit from a weekly dose of people being rediculous. & you can get it from netflicks.)

This weekend has been filled with some great yoga. I sweated my butt off this morning. It was actually pretty gross. I'm learning a lot from each of the different teachers.

I also got to talk w/ my little brother yesterday & wish him a happy 27th birthday. Sometimes I still think he's 16. Sounds like he's doing really well & that makes me happy.

& now some photos I took a few Sundays ago on my walk to the Downtown Farmer's Market (oops, other photos ended up elsewhere in the post):

My good friend, Katie & her sister, Anna, working at the Market.