stank on my hangdown

it's been a long & somewhat stressful week here in balto. started out with the unexpected death of a good acquaintance. really sad news. we saw him just a few weeks ago, when we were out to dinner celebrating our anniversary. it's a reminder that life is fleeting & we're totally not in control no matter how hard we (i) try to be. is this the age where more & more people we know, in our age group, start to get sick & die? if so, i advise you not to leave your mid-twenties, if you can help it.

the remainder of the week was a mixture of mostly sleepless nights & lots of drama & nonsense at work. i was glad to see the work-related baloney come to a close today when the new folks received their work assignments. jeez. i know, my life is incredibly exciting... (seriously though, i was pretty excited about it - & a bit stressed.)

enjoyed a tasty meal this evening in celebration of the departure of a friend who's relocating to the west coast. i had hoped we would hang out while she was here but it didn't turn out that way at all. alas...

that about wraps it up for me, folks. sweet dreams to all (including me).

i know it's bizarre, but i feel kinda sad to finish physics... now that i've done the one thing i procrastinated for 10 years, i'm not sure what comes next...

i'm a miracle

i don't know where you were at 2:45 this morning, but i'll tell you where i was: at work. that's right. actually, i probably didn't get to work until closer to 3... i woke up at 2:45 in a state of panic when i realized i'd left a truck out of the garage with a bunch of unsecured extension ladders on it. what the hell!! i knew i wouldn't be able to go back to sleep if i didn't check it out. sometimes i'm real glad work is 2 minutes away. so i went to work in my jams, pulled the truck in to the garage (after i noticed everything was securely cable-locked to the ladder rack) & i went back home, to bed. couldn't get to sleep after that anyway...


when did i go insane?

#6, 5, or 4

another hot topic of conversation last night was palm reading & personality types. for those of us who are nerdy & enjoy analyzing ourselves with personality testes like the myers briggs type indicator, you may enjoy the enneagram. we were looking through a book about it last night & talking about folks' personalities. this girl i'd never met before & hadn't really spoken to pegged me as a #5. initially indignant, i got over it when i came home & took a quick little test on line & read about the types. i think she may have been right & dammit, that's annoying! the interwebs said i could be 6, 5 or 4 though...

big fat seed

the first half of turkey day i spent deep-cleaning the kitchen, thanks to a cup of caffeinated chai. our place would be a lot cleaner if i consumed caffeine on a regular basis. oh well - we'll just have to be dirty. farmer katie & i went to the garden to pick some veggies & herbs to add to our meal, which was very exciting. i hope to always have a garden - it makes me happy to pick fresh foods i've grown & then turn around & make a meal out of them. for dinner, we were joined by katie's sister & several other good folks. a wacky group. the conversation was a bit bizarre at times. this morning i had to check out one of the random topics that came up. apparently, this is what the young folk have been enjoying these days: what what. it seemed pretty silly until 2-1/2 minutes in & then i just felt grossed out. so... that's that.

talked w/ my folks this morning. my dad's being layed off in mid-january. his company's been struggling for a while, so it's not a huge suprise. my mom's part-time job doesn't provide benefits & my folks really need healthcare coverage. i worry for them because it's never easy for folks near retirement age to find jobs & i imagine it will be much more difficult in this ecomony. i often find myself wondering & worrying what things will be like a few months from now. will there be another depression? this is where dan would say, "we'll just have to wait & see" just like he does when i start asking all kinds of questions during a movie...

the other night when i was procrastinating our turkey day preparations, i was catching up on reading the blog, no impact man. The recent post about christmas & gift-giving really speaks to me. i'm not a fan of running around, spending lots of money, buying gifts that aren't really needed & feeling stressed about it. you can read about it here, if you're interested. i wish it was easier to move in a different direction with the celebration of christmas... but i don't see that happening any time soon either.

the danner's off at work on this black friday. no fun. & i'm off to clean up the disaster in our kitchen & then learn some physics for the final - also no fun.

lazy weekend

not much going on. wrote some physics labs - hooray! ate some bad cheese - boo! got some sleep. hung out with my pal, katie & my hubby, d. fixin for a 3-day work week & then 4 days of jackin' around, cooking & hanging out. it'll probably turn into 1 day of cooking & 2-3 days of some mean physics learnin for the final exam. there's a wacky little bug on our couch cleaning his antennae. kinda cute, kinda wierd. i got a raise the other day. that hasn't happened often in my life - mostly because i seem to switch jobs every year -this year being the exception.

wanna know something embarassing? sometimes, when i'm bored, i watch an instant download of Charles In Charge on netflix.

freedom on the horizon

one more physics class before my final. how the hell is that? whatever. i just want it all to be over! even if i got a zero, i think i'd still get an A in the course. the thing is, i want to know how to do what we're doing so i'll probably read the book & study & spend an insane amount of time figuring it out. plus, part of me doesn't want to let the teacher down. i mean, he thinks i'm super smart for whatever bizarre reason. i'm such a lame!

turkey day's next week. can't believe it. me & the d-bone will be enjoying a tasty meal with our pal katie & possibly some other folks. we shall see. wish we could hang w/ the oregon gang + rr. maybe in the spring?? i succeeded in carrying over a few extra vacation days so i don't have to stress too much about running out next year.

well, the excitement of the new gang is starting to wear off. my supervisor was right. it was just the newness. i mean, they're still great & everything. but i think we're starting to slide a ways down as reality sets in & they realize it's going to be cold as crap for the next 3 or 4 months & they won't always get to work with folks they like... such is life, i suppose. in a few months, i'll have to start the whole process over again.

i'm off to read some physics & eat some diggity-dog dinner. ciao.

cha cha so nasty

it's been a quiet weekend in baltimore. the sleep has been good. the radiators are warm & i only left our place once so far, with the exception of our friday night anniversary celebration. generally that would make for a terrible weekend but i just needed time to chill out from a super busy week.

another physics test come & gone with a score of 139... don't ask me. on thursday the teacher spent at least ten minutes going over the next 2 chapters with me, one-on-one, because he'd decided that not enough students came to class. so he ignored them & talked to me & spilled coffee on my book & cursed a bit & then i left. i felt bad, but it was such a long day/week, i wasn't listening anyway.

aimee came over for dinner on tuesday - cheesy fondue night. it was great to catch up. pkp spent the night & got his car towed - LAME. i felt so terrible - we got there just as the dude was pulling it up on the truck. the bastard. went to a good training - "how to make difficult conversations less difficult". i felt a lot more prepared for the particular conversation i need to have... finished writing the grant at work. didn't have time to proofread it or anything before i submitted it on friday. hope it turned out ok. d & i went out to dinner & dancing friday night. it was pretty fun - though i/we got laughed at by some goons at the dance. what can i say? i'm not the most graceful dancer in the world. i'm not graceful at all, really.

other than that, i've been feeling much older than 31 this week. strange body pains. since thursday, i've had this wierd muscle pain in the back of my knee... like someone kicked me. really terrible. but no one kicked me. what gives? pretty sure none of my shoulder exercised from pt have affected my knee. i've also had this wack pain in my tailbone. i've had this before though. the first time was my sophomore year in college. my ass hurt so bad (from sitting for hours doing drafting assignments) that i went to the health center & some student doctor spread my cheeks & sliced open the cyst that was apparently growing on the tip of my tailbone. it was pretty awkward... i wasn't feeling up for any of that so i've been taking very hot, salty baths for the last few days & it seems to be working. so... i feel like a lemon. maybe i'm really 71 & i somehow missed 40 years of my life...

i'm off to clean up our kitchen cuz my good buddy katie is joining me for some dinner & hanging out. she's back in balto for the winter & i'm uber excited about it. yippie!

again with the boogers

in physics last night, this douche bag asked me who i voted for & silly me, i shared my vote. he was all, "That figures! at that point, i was kind of annoyed so i questioned his response. he asked me if i worked & in the end, he said, "Say goodbye to your salary!" though i was pretty pissed off at that point, the big booger hanging out of his nose made it a lot easier for me to walk away with a smile on my face.

now for some real excitement!

i enjoyed my 4-day weekend... not as much as i thought i would but enough. i was nervous about work-related things i didn't finish for the first 2 days. i think i need to leave town when i have more than 2 or 3 days off so i have a clear break from work. anyway, d & i went on a short hike at Catoctin Mountain Park & that was pretty cool. i'd like to go back again... there was plenty o'time for just chilling, which i miss. i sat around & read a book for fun! screw you physics! um... oh, i also did a lot of physics. writing labs & whatnot. my gal-pal katie is heading back to b'more shortly & i don't want to be tied down w/ physics all the time. sunday was the best day though. i slept so well saturday night that i woke myself up laughing. i don't think that's ever happened to me before. (maybe it's the shoulder stand? i did it a few hours before bed @ they gym... my yoga teachers always say they're a great cure for insomnia but i never believed 'em.) anyway, i was up early writing more physics labs. i wrapped it up around noon, biked to the garden & worked for a few hours. it was great! there's something almost magical about being in the garden for me. there aren't too many places i can go & just be in that space. the garden is the only one i can think of... i'm just there doing whatever i'm doing & i'm only thinking about what i'm doing & nothing else... it was wonderful. my compost is looking so great - chock full of worms & grubs & all kinds of creepy crawlies. it's actually loud, if i put my ear close to it. there's a lot of action going on in there. makes me happy. i biked home with a backpack of kale & leeks. made a fat pot of potato-leek soup (sans dairy), some apple crisp & homemade veggie stock. d-bone & i hung out for the rest of the evening & it was great. a real good day.

today's a different story. back to work. i started wondering why i have this job. this is the part of the year where everything starts slowing down & i feel uber bored. kinda strange how it goes in cycles like this. in a few months i'll be wanting to tear my eyes out because i'm so stressed.

had a conversation at lunch with a coworker about living up to our potential. she watched a documentary about peace pilgrim, a woman who walked for 20-some years for peace. i don't feel too drawn to the documentary but the idea of living up to my potential is interesting... what does it really mean? ...

& i've also been thinking a lot about going back to school... or not. what to do? i'm not getting any younger & school/the idea of school is getting less & less appealing. & yet, it's still appealing. d & i talked about this & some general life stuff a week or so ago & i realized that i feel pretty disconnected from architecture & from all the things that get me excited to go to school & learn more. probably because my job has almost nothing to do with any of that... so, it is what it is. i think i need a few more free-lance gigs to re-evaluate my interest in school. i just started one last friday - for my supervisor. don't know what it is about him though. he kinda intimidates me. not sure if it's because he's my supervisor or what... in most respects, i just feel like he knows way more than me & so why should i bother putting myself out there. kinda stupid but there it is. i really enjoy chatting with his wife though. she's great.

... so that's about the size of it, i guess. other than that, been going to a new physical therapy place. it's great. the therapists are great. they totally kick my ass & it hurts, but i trust them which is a step in the right direction. i could never live like peace pilgrim cuz i need me some damn health insurance.

lesson learned: brush teeth soon after eating lasagna

last night i was sitting on the couch, working on some physics problems & dan was sitting next to me, internetting:

me: "i'm confused about...."
dan: "i smell dog shit."
(dan glanced down at his shoes momentarily & continued to help me solve the problem. time passed...)

me: "i don't understand this part..."
dan: "i smell DOG SHIT!"
(dan was a bit exasperated at this point. he smelled the soles of both shoes even though they were spotless. no poop smell. i was not wearing shoes. neither of us had recently farted either...)

i told dan he couldn't write about this on his blog because it's embarrassing... but every time i think about it, i laugh.

sleepy peepy

i recently got a ridiculously bad haircut. it kinda looks like the woman cut my bangs straight across my forehead. the straight-across-the-forehead haircut looks ridiculous on anyone & this is something i've mentioned to dan on occasion...as he once sported the 'do himself years ago.

had another physics test this week. i felt completely unprepared but i got another crazy-high score. when i went to class on thursday the teacher asked me if i was bored in the class because he's going so slow. what a goon! i assured him i was struggling to keep up.

my gal-pal, katie, is likely moving back to balto in a few weeks for most of the winter. haven't talked to her in several weeks - but i sure am feeling excited!

had a work fundraiser last weekend & it wasn't too bad. i found a fun vintage dress & that helped. dan went dress shopping a couple of times in the weeks leading up to the event & i eventually settled on this kinda-ok, kinda-gimpy (super cheap looking) dress for $100. i wasn't feeling all that confident about it so i kept looking. anyway, i got a well-made dress, shoes, earrings & a wrap for less than the gimpy department store dress. not only that, but the only new thing i bought were the shoes - everything else was used! pretty pumped about that.

when i was shopping around used places, i stopped in a goodwill store downtown to check out their stock of dresses. i noticed it smelled a little off when i went in but didn't pay any attention to it - used stuff can be a little smelly. i picked up a couple of dresses & headed to the changing rooms when i heard the staff folks ahead of me say that someone had taken a shit on the floor in one of the changing rooms. i then realized i didn't need to try on any of those dresses because they weren't what i wanted anyway.

i'm tired & hungry
physics is hard

Can Dan increase his ∆x without increasing his protein intake?

I don't think so.

Not much going on in these parts. Stumbling my way through forces for a pre-test tomorrow. My understanding is pretty slim so I don't expect to do well.

An interesting situation occured yesterday. I had a freelance design gig about 2 years ago for this couple, designing a major addition and renovation for their house. I finished working for them 18 months ago because they contracted me for design work only, not structural drawings. This was very clear in the beginning but became a point of stress later on in the relationship. What can I do? I'm not an architect. Anyway, they've been slow to get things started & I've been completely wrapped up in my own life for the last 12 months. I get a call on Sunday morning that there's a major problem with the drawings I've given them & that if I don't make the time to resolve it, they'll sue me, basically. Totally awesome! Anyway, turns out this boob-of-an-architect they're working with to complete structural drawings for them has totally screwed up the drawings somehow - no fault of mine. It was an easy fix - I just emailed the file again. But seriously though, the dude should know how to work with CAD files. I think he's a bit of a schiester & trying to get more $$$ out of them. Stupid ass. Anyway, I've learned my lesson for real - though I already had before it got to this point. I'm not working with folks who can't build it themselves.

Other than that, I'm putting the finishing touches on a game that I will play with the new crew at work tomorrow - to review everthing they've learned thus far. We'll see how it goes. Thank God Dan's funny, cuz I sure ain't. Physics tutor & script-writer extraordinaire, my spouse.

sleep, why do you elude me?

so, it's pretty early in the morning & i've given up trying to sleep. i can't even rest. nasty headache & thoughts of work. we're re-arranging the warehouse in a few weeks & i'm kinda freaked out about how i can get 25 volunteers to get it all done & done well. a little nerve-racking.

went to a work function last night & the food was good but upset my guts a bit. the folks who had the shin-dig made a lot of food - 4 or 5 main dishes. but they all had meat. what the hell?! i wish more people knew how to prepare 1 vegetarian main dish, meaning it has protein. nice of them to host a party though.

i'm wondering if my brother in japan might be around at this time of day. it's 4:30pm-ish there. we talked for about 10 minutes in the last 10 months.

spent 4 hours writing one stupid physics lab today. rediculous. i hate labs.

hm... that's pretty much all i've got at the moment.

don't you leave him, samwise gamgee

this weekend, life finally slowed down a bit. spent my days w/ dan & his folks at the jersey shore, not working & not doing physics. it was a pretty sweet deal. there was one disagreement. my spouse says "argument", but i disagree. i feel like arguments = anger & maybe even some yelling, or raised voices at least. as a rule, we generally raise our voices only in fun, not in anger. in the end, we did not agree... which is ok. i hope to shed some light on things the next time we're all together. i wasn't prepared this weekend.

as a result of the slower pace of life, i've been sleeping pretty well. maybe it's just the fall weather?! i took naps & slept through the night on saturday & sunday (unheard of). i've also had some incredibly vivid dreams. this morning's was particularly disturbing & when i woke up, i couldn't help but burst into tears. in my dream, which was oh-so-real, dan decided to leave me. he was exceedingly cold about the whole thing... really didn't care at all. he was dressing weird - even had new shoes he'd received from some internet dating site. he said he'd decided he'd rather be with an artist & he didn't love me anymore... it was awful. so that was how my day started :)

...it ended with me receiving my physics test back. my teacher is crazy & goes way too fast & is all over the place when he "lectures", but thank god he's a nice guy("idiot" according to dan). there was a total of aproximately 300 points on our test. we weren't required to answer all the questions (some sections said "answer 6 & only 6...") anyway, i figured i'd cut my losses by answering EVERYTHING i possibly could, just in case the points counted. it took me an ungodly 4 hours to finish the test... here's the kicker - i got %162!! what the hell?!?! anyway, i don't even care. i passed & i've learned a lot. props to my live-in tutor!

why do i try to make life as stressful as possible? i'm not sure... work's taken it all out of me lately. but it's my fault because i gave more than 100%, which left me with nothing.

took our group to a soup kitchen today. it was pretty interesting stuff. not mind-blowing or anything. but it definitely made me feel very thankful for all the ease in my life... for everything that i've had access to without having to work for it. a lot of privilege, that's what i have. but there are a lot of folks out there without ease & privilege, trying to make it in this world. it's a tough place & i don't even know the half of it.

what i do know is i'm damn lucky - though it has nothing to do with luck.

i also know that physics is lame & i have a test tomorrow. a real test. so i'm going to bed in hope of getting a decent night's sleep.

in spite of the craziness at work, i'm really enjoying the new gang. they're pretty great people.

can't we adopt a slower pace?

i had an insane fit of road rage today. this hasn't happened to me in a long time - probably since i left st. louis. that probably says more than a little about the stress level in my life at the current moment. i was stalking people in the parking lot, waiting for someone to leave their parking spot so i could get to physics (along with probably 15 other folks). finally i had my spot & this douche bag behind me guilt tripped me into giving him the spot. "you know you saw me driving up here following her...." that kinda crap. after the day i'd had, it was the last straw. i literally saw red. i drove away yelling to myself in the car about this guy's douchbaggery when i realized i couldn't just drive away. i wanted to get out of the car & tear his eyeballs out. (i know it's harsh - but again, i had a rough day...) instead, i drove back by & screamed at him - not swearing or anything. i had to let him know he was being a dick. i'm not proud of myself or anything. just glad i didn't slash his tires... :)

rotting tomatoes = maggots = j cleaned up rotting tomatoes

d helps j with physics for hours on end = j solves 1.5 physics problems while d attends theater meeting

falling asleep

i've been fighting it since about 9:15 & so far i'm winning...

this is what my life is looking like these days:
work & physics

seriously, i had no idea one class could take over like this. i'm so grateful for dan's brilliance when it comes to physics & math. he's the best tutor a gal could have... extremely patient & kind even after he's explained something a handful of times & i'm still saying, "i still don't understand what velocity means..." the man deserves a medal. seriously.

had my first physics test (practice test) this week. i got a 32... only because the teacher didn't grade the back of my test. (i should've gotten a 50-something.) he's a super nice guy but not a good lecturer & he's a bit of a goon. a nerdy scientist. pulls his pants up real high, big white tennis shoes, big glasses, tucks his hands into his pants when he's talking... but i think i'll do alright - probably a C & that's ok by me.

other than this, work's been taking the rest of my time lately. it's been super overwhelming. all my fault & i'm mostly ok w/ it. would've been much easier to deal with if i wasn't taking a class though. my new folks at work started last week. it's been pretty exciting & stressful. i'm in charge of their orientation & training. (i'm not doing all the training myself - just organizing & delegating stuff.) i'm glad no one video tapes me talking to them because i think it would be incredibly embarassing. i'm certain i look & sound like a complete boob. i get so excited about everything there is to talk about & then overwhelmed by all of it (plus, they're such a great group - that in & of itself is a little overwhelming), i'm just blabbering all kinds of nonsensical information. it's pretty rediculous really. if only i knew what they thought. i'm almost certain no one was a fan of my talk about hazardous materials & proper lifting... which ended in me showing them stretches on the floor of our warehouse. it was more than a little awkward. but that just comes w/ me, i think... awkwardness. i'm a pro. anyway, everyone seems to be very impressed by the group as a whole, which is great. i feel like i've done a damn good job w/ them so far - recruiting & orienting. we went over expectations, which are high - & they're totally on the ball. like cleaning up after themselves & others & everything... so different from last year. i think it could go really well.

when did i stop counting the months remaining in my 2-year commitment at this job? i don't know but it was a long time ago. somehow i started to really enjoy it, inspite of all the stress & other nonsense. i'm already thinking about what i'll do differently this time next year... which is wierd, cuz i don't think i want to do this for the rest of my life. but i am enjoying it. (in case anyone else's counting, at the end of september, it'll be 12 months to go.)

right now d-bone is out for a run. he's become an exercising, healthy-eating fool this past summer. a bit out of character for him... but it's nice. he's been a lot happier these past few months than he's been for quite some time. & it's not because we've made some awesome new friends or anything.

i'm fighting the urge to install a large marker board on our living room wall... it would be nice if d & i could work out my physics problems on the wall. is it weird for one to homeschool their wife? probably.

aside from all this crap, we had an amazing visit with katie at the farm where she's interning over labor day weekend. it's beautiful & peaceful. i couldn't help but think that this was exactly how life was meant to be when we were there. a lot of work to do, but a slower pace. everything was right outside the house - no need to drive all over god's creating to go to work or get food. plus, you can't beat being woken up by cows & pigs & chickens. i wish i was passionate about farming. then i could have all the fresh raspberries i could handle. ...and fresh air & fresh food, etc.

it was wonderful to visit with katie. i've missed her being around these last several months & i'm excited that she may be returning to balto for a short stint.

how life should be

will i survive it??

doomsday has arrived. went to my first physics class tonight. uuuuuuugh. i understood nothing after the syllabus. wtf? dan's in the kitchen right now working through my homework because he enjoys it. my hope is he'll be able to explain it to me so i can do it. if only i'd taken this class 10 years ago when the algebra & trig were a little fresher... keep your fingers crossed that somehow all this stuff clicks & i suddenly understand velocity, force, vectors, newtons & all this other b.s. :)

i'm not going to an 80's party, so stop asking me what i'm wearing

got word today that the brother of one of our folks who just finished their service hours was killed a few days ago. at this point, i don't know what happened. but i do know that he survived growing up a black male in baltimore city - which is huge in & of itself. i also know he was an activist in his community & strongly disliked by the dealers in the neighborhood. on top of that, he survived 2 tours in iraq. just got back last week to surprise his parents... on his travels back to duty in georgia, he was killed while checking on some car trouble he was having. what the hell??? this makes me so sad. his family must be devastated. this could've easily been my brother, who also came back from serving in the middle east to surprise my parents.

nothing worth writing about

not much to write. took a shit-ton of photos at the garden this weekend with my new work cell phone & the bluetooth doesn't seem to work. so, some things are growing & other things are dying... there's your picture.

this laptop is hot on my lap.

the weekend was way too short. i went to an amazing yoga class on saturday - seriously amazing. it was great. hung out w/ dan for a bit, went to the book thing w/ my friend david & then to the garden. had a milkshake in the middle of the day & realized milk & i don't get along.

dan & i walked to the farmer's market on sunday & treated ourselves to felafels. they were ok but not worth $8 each. black beans are in season again, yeah! we're fools for the black beans.

i met up w/ one of the new recruits sunday afternoon & took her on a short driving tour of our construction sites... she was pretty cool - i think everyone will enjoy her. funny how i create these pictures in my mind of what everyone looks like - for the 3 folks i haven't met anyway. this was the first of the 3 that i met & she looked nothing like the picture in my head. but i'm glad cuz that would be too wierd.

got a ridiculous excuse for a haircut on friday. the woman used some wierd razor to make spikey ends on all the hair on the very top of my head & ignored all the rest of it. i've been here way too long not to have found someone i trust to cut my hair.

i'm in

will i or won't i?

so, i think i'm gonna do it. sign up for physics, that is. it's been a long time coming. an entire year, in fact... since i attempted to sign up last year & it turned out i needed my transcripts, blah blah blah. eternal procrastinator, i am. but seriously, does physics sound like FUN to you? HELL NO! i mean, unless you're an idiot - or super brilliant with math. it freaks me out, taking a class. i was never that great at math & i don't know anything about physics (that would be the reason for taking the class...) plus, who wants to go to work & then to school? not me. NOT ME!!! ...but i'm gonna give it a try - just in case it works out.

i've been tossing the idea around (going back to school) for about 9 years now. been pretty non-committal about it for the reasons stated above. but i realized this past week that going back to school might make me happy. or, the results could make me happy. i was watching a second season episode of paul & jaime (mad about you) this past week where jaime decided to go back to school at 30 & i thought, maybe i can do it too. isn't that lame? if this tv character can do it, so can I! but it worked. until that point, i'd kind of given up. i'd already checked the city community college & physics was full... same shit as last year. but i kept at it & found a community college with some spots.

what the hell am i talking about? anyway, physics. signing up tomorrow.

not much else going on. the 8 new folks start in about 2 weeks & that freaks me out quite a bit. had a decent week at work - lots of good conversations. had a follow-up w/ the doc about the mri. turns out it's just bicep & rotator cuff tendinitis. good that nothing's torn. bad that it still causes me pain. oh well. he said i may never be able to resume all the activities i was doing before. that puts a damper on things...

celebrated d's birthday earlier this week. fancy italian dinner that ended with a roach running across our table and up the wall. pretty awesome. happy b'day, d.

sorry this is lame. all i can think about is finding some good ice breakers for the newbies. got any ideas??

umbrellas as far as the eye can see

it was a beautiful & crowded day at rehoboth beach, delaware. sun, sand, & freezing cold water. a little strange for august... spent most of my time under the umbrella, enjoying delicious people-watching that the beach always provides & reading Dead Man Walking, which i just started yesterday. it's pretty darn good. it's not even wierd that i saw the movie & know he dies because the author acknowledges his death in the very beginning. anyway, i highly recommend it so far.

my handsome husband sporting some shiny red shades

wacky beach-cops wandering around like goons amidst the umbrellas

bringing the sexy back

it's been a good, lazy day. actually, it wasn't that lazy. i started off with an hour and a half of yoga, which was nice. made me miss the days when i did yoga 3x a week. i plan on taking it up again that regularly as soon as the shoulder's better. (i have an MRI this coming week, so we'll see how that goes.) there were a few lazy hours spent laying around the apartment after lunch, listening to This American Life... spent the rest of the afternoon & evening at the garden cleaning the place up until i was chased out by a thunderstorm.

it was a gorgeous day - blue sky, fluffy white clouds. there was a crazy thunderstorm sans rain early on. the wind picked up, storm clouds blew in along w/ a lot of thunder. it came & went pretty quickly. tore out the cucumber & pumpkin vines. the cukes were dead & the pumpkins were looking bad & taking over. now my trellis is bare... is there a plant that vines in the fall? the few ripe-ish tomatoes i had were rotten... i think that particular plant is diseased cuz the tomatoes are also a bit deformed.

i amassed a tremendous compost pile with what i tore out & some bags of weeds from the old lady who "takes care of" our front yard. i chatted with her for a bit this afternoon - she's kinda cute. never gave her a second thought before because she never acknowledges my presence. she works real hard on our front yard but it doesn't look so hot. she said she really enjoys it & that's probably all that matters.

made some refrigerator pickles the other day & they turned out alright. a tad too vinegary but otherwise, not too bad. i was able to use some fresh dill seed from my garden too! (yes, i'm a nerd. i was totally excited when i checked out my dill clippings & saw seeds.)

had a pretty good week at work. think i mentioned this before, but i completed recruiting & we got grant funding. i was acknowledged for doing a great job w/ recruitment and for writing a good grant - it's being used for a case study on national service by a large corporation... hm... and yet, i can't tell if my supervisor thinks i'm doing a good job (in general) or just being an idiot. it's probably a mix. one of these days soon i'll have my review/evaluation & i'll have a better idea. i know it seems silly but he's so hard to read. seriously.

me & the d-bone got new contact lenses & we can see outtuvem! feeling younger already... :)

these days

just got back from a trip to the garden. my beautiful cucumber vines have come to the end of their short life... so sad. for a few weeks there, they were prolific producers. last monday, i came home with 13 good size cukes. with what i brought home tonight, i might try out pickling. i think it can be done without canning & if so, i'm down cuz i don't know how to can. why is it called canning when it's done with glass jars?

a few (2 or 3) of the tomatoes are starting to ripen. there are probably 100 or so green tomatoes... i've been waiting for them to turn red for WEEKS. been a little panicky about it. seems late in the year not to have tomatoes yet & for the love-a god, i planted like 29 tomato plants. i best get some ripe ones soon!

work's been going alright. i've attended several training sessions over the past few weeks - management for first time managers; interviewing, hiring & evaluating staff; setting & maintaining boundaries. this is the first job i've ever had where they sent me to training & payed for it. i intend to make the most if it, that's for sure. i think we may get to take a "team building" trip to yestermorrow building school in vermont sometime this fall. that would be fantastic! though i'm not down on sharing a room with any of my colleagues. when you're spending 8-9 hours a day w/ colleagues, i think it's important to have some personal time too. some people think i'm wack, but i'm pretty sure they've got poop between their ears. i offered the final position today & i expect that it will be accepted tomorrow. man, i'll be glad when it's done. it was a lot of freakin work. seriously.

hm... we went on a canoing trip w/ folks from work this past sunday. it was mostly enjoyable. one person kinda got on my nerves a bit... but that's bound to happen. now that i'm armed with this boundary training, i'm going to build a fortress around myself & i'll never be annoyed by coworkers again. that's a big fat fantasy... :)

well, i guess that's it for now. we might be making a day trip to the beach this coming weekend, which would be nice. maybe a trip to visit k the farmer over labor day weekend. we shall see.

do they make training wheels for adults?

for many moons, i whined & whined about how great it would be to have a bike. i could ride to work & to the gym & to the garden & i would get a ton more exercise. so i got this great free bike & began my adventure. & i realized that biking requires different muscles than i have (balto ain't flat) & it's kind of scary... being on the street in crazy traffic. totally unnerving.

on tuesday evening, d & i biked over to the garden - which was really great. so much faster than walking & not that much slower than driving. true, i had to walk the bike up a few hills. but that will get better w/ time. things at the garden were & are growing like crazy. lots of tomatoes but none of 'em are ripe. i yanked out all the potatoes cuz i couldn't stand the bugs & i didn't feel up to drowning all of 'em. d watered our plot w/ a random little boy who wanted to play w/ the water - it was pretty cute. we had a picnic dinner of chipolte. it was a great way to spend an evening - until the ride home where i got a bit adventurous & was practicing the whole standing up while pedaling thing while going uphill. i'm still not sure what happened but i ended up flat on my back in the street next to my bike. it was super sucky & kinda scary. seriously, thank you helmet. jeezus it would've sucked so much worse. anyway, other than cuts, bruises & missing skin, i'm fine. a bit humiliated, but fine. though i am a bit apprehensive about biking again. i mean, i plan to ... maybe even tomorrow. it would be nice to know i couldn't slam into the pavement again though.

d & i walked down to velocipede last night. it's a nonprofit community bikeshop in our hood. anyway, i can volunteer there for a few hours & they will provide me with new handlebars & assist me in putting them on. sounds pretty good to me - once i'm back to riding that is.

another saturday...

well, i made it down to the harbor, fells point & back home on the bike all in one piece. no major (or minor) incidents. the bike is a little squeaky though - the brakes are loud & the springs in the seat squeak with every bump. (and if you've driven around in baltimore, you know the streets are in terrible shape - huge lumps & bumps & potholes.) it was hard work but i feel accomplished. my colleague m & i met a recent acquaintance of hers at a pizza place along with some other folks. they're animal activists. it was different... i mean, i'm glad i went. m is much more adventurous than i & probably loves people more than i. but it was refreshing to go someplace new, using a different means of transportation & meet new people. i don't believe i'd want to spend more time with this particular group - but it was good to realize i can interact with people i don't know. conversation wasn't always easy... i was the only semi-vegetarian present - the others were vegans. so we had vegan pizza (soy cheese). it wasn't bad but i prefer real cheese. i got a short lecture from this guy about the health problems caused by consuming milk & cheese...blah blah blah. i tuned him out after a bit. it's one thing to say, "i cut dairy out of my diet because....." & another to start telling someone else how to live. though i admit i tell other people what to do at times. sorry, d. (i'm sitting here on the couch eating a handful of shredded cheese right now.) a few of the animal activists were a little wack - felt strongly about the ethical treatment of animals (& i agree that this is important), but not so much about people.... bizarre. one girl told me she wanted to create an inviting situation for someone to break into her house so she could catch them in a bear trap. dunno but i didn't find that too heart warming. anyway, we escaped before having to take part in their "demonstration". i'm not sure i get activists... at least not these activists. and girls with uber hairy armpits always freak me out a bit - especially when they're wearing tank tops. yuck.

i also dyed a pair of pants today & it turned out poorly - just as i suspected. i bought olive green dye for a pale khaki pair of pants. at first, they looked kinda green underneath a blotchy sheen of bright orange. now that they're dry, they're just plain ORANGE. wtf? i'm so glad i used pants i didn't care much about. stupid fabric dye.

d & i are planning a nice long walk to the farmers market tomorrow. we thought about biking but decided to walk instead. maybe i'll bike to the garden though. we'll see. i think the hill could humiliate me. i'll try not to be too proud.

time in a bottle

here are some random photos from the last few months. don't know why it's so difficult to find the time to write. i'm so busy with work all day & then winding down from work in the evening, i feel like i have no time to myself at all. kinda nice & kinda lame.

i keep meaning to bring the camera to the garden but i always forget. d took this photo a few months ago - right after i planted some tomatoes. it looks like a jungle now... there are about 25 tomato plants (i know, overkill), lots of greens, pumpkin & cucumber vines that are taking over... some strawberries, beets, eggplant, peppers, lots of herbs, leeks... lots of stuff going on. i'll try to remember to get a photo soon.

the view outside our front window w/ my tomato plants sunning themselves. it's pretty boring outside now that the tree's gone.

hanging out in the schluetermetz's kitchen during our memorial day visit. it was a great trip. we stopped in for a short visit on our way to st louis for our vacation. probably the last time we'll have a reason to stop in bellefountaine, ohio. :( they will be missed!

an impromptu partial-family portrait taken moments before we headed back to baltimore. my little bro, his wife & their little girl. so cute. speaking of cute, more pics of the cutie patootie...

it was a good visit but i wish we could've stayed longer. didn't feel like we got to spend enough time with folks, which is kinda funny because i was completely panicked when we planned to leave balto for a whole week. "what were we going to do in st. louis? everyone goes to work, we'll be bored! i don't want to stay for a week!" i was a bit of a wank about the whole thing. we ended up spending 4 days in the car, which was lame & probably not much cheaper than flying. but we wouldn't have been able to stop over in ohio otherwise, so it was worth it.

i had a pretty ok week at work - ok meaning not too stressful. it was kind of relaxing actually, which makes me feel unaccomplished. but the kids were in nyc and my supervisor was out so it was pretty low-key all around.

we brought back some bikes from stl. i biked to & from work a few times this week. i realized it's much scarier than i thought - riding in the street, especially in rush hour traffic. people here drive like freaks! anyway, i'm a pretty big baby about it. i'm taking it nice & easy, just trying to get used to bike riding again. not doing anything too crazy, yet. my plan is to bike to the garden & bike to the gym - but both of those rides, especially the gym, have significant hills & i'll feel like a total j-hole walking the bike cuz i can't make it up the hill. seriously, biking is hard. i'm hoping to get some new handlebars sometime soon. i'm not down with the 10-speed ones. i'm not trying to be aerodynamic at all, just comfortable & well balanced. we shall see.

it's pretty warm in here at the moment. think i'll have a g & t while i wait for d-bone to get home.

so long, june

i'm so thankful for all of d's hard work painting on the aluminum roof coat. it's doing an amazing job. stupid j-holes who didn't insulate! our place is SO much more comfortable. it's really impressive. wish we'd thought of it 2 years ago.

went to dinner last night with a couple we haven't spent time w/ in a long time. it was nice. they told this bizarro story: she was leaving their second floor apartment & on the way down the stairs, she saw a guy bending over & thought that was odd. she went back upstairs, got her husband & sent him down. when he went to check it out, he saw a leg stick up in the air next to the bent over guy's back & realized there was a couple having sex in the foyer of their building! that's so insanely rediculous, i can't believe it. i laughed pretty hard about that one.

i recently realized i hadn't been laughing enough because i'm always so obsessed & anxious about work crap - so i thought i could get my fix with AFV. for those of you who are unfamiliar or haven't read my blog before, i truly enjoy America's Funniest Videos. damn, it's funny - usually. unfortunately we ended up with 1 episode where kathy griffin & a bunch of other lame "stars" were voting on the best video & 1 episode from back in the day of bob saget. the first was bad. but the bob saget stuff was absolutely abysmal. i can't believe that was on tv. i just want to make it clear that bob saget & kathy griffin blow.

d & i are heading to stl in just a few days... exciting. nerve-wracking. i made an appointment to get my hairs cut w/ my good 'ol standby. i figure i'm so close to the really really short haircut, i might as well suck it up & do it before it grows out. i'm just starting to like this haircut - it only took 4-6 weeks for me to stop feeling like a jackass. wonder what'll happen this time around??

nothing else exciting going on really. what could be more exciting than bad haircuts, shitty episodes of AFV & people having sex in someone else's foyer? at the gym last saturday, this old couple were all excited because chris noth had been at the gym. that would be mr. big, from sex & the city for all you lames who don't know famous people. (just kidding - famous people are the epitome of lameness.)

on the gardening front, harlequin bugs are making a disaster of my kale. i've tried squishing them, which is gross & messy, & diatomatious earth to no avail. the potatoes are being eaten by bloated-looking rouge-colored bugs. i tried squishing them but it was too nasty - the guts squished everywhere. hm... i met our plot neighbor's sister & she's able to water while we're out of town & that's great cuz it was a big stress. things seem to be doing pretty well & i don't want them to fry while we're out of town.

guess that's about it for now. gotta eat some dinner & take my plants over to m's for the week. hm. thank god some people are nice.

honestly, i don't feel like writing. that's probably not a secret as it's been almost a month. feeling kinda bummed out lately. i feel old - my body doesn't work the way i want it to & all the hard work i did to improve my flexibility & strength has gone to hell since the shoulder injury. turns out i may have a tear after all as it's really not improving much. i'm missing having close friends here & haven't made much effort to improve that situation... & i had to go to work for a meeting yesterday morning, which really annoys me. i really need the weekend for myself. no work.

on the upside, it's a gorgeous day here. d & i walked down to the farmers market this morning before he went to work. i'll probably head over to the garden shorty to do a little work in the dirt.

work's been going pretty well. i've recruited 6 people - 2 to go. it's been an interesting experience. i have a million & one ideas about training the new folks. now i just need to settle down & turn some of the 'crazy' ideas into reality. huh... not sure how to do that part, but i assume i'll figure it out somehow.

i had a meeting this week w/ a guy from morgan state's architecture dept. i really need to check it out cuz schooling's the next step, i think.

also, need to find me a bike. maybe for d's birthday, i can get a bike. just kidding. for his b'day last year, we got a nice backpack - that i carry to work with me every day & he's pretty much never used... happy b'day to d!

afternoon confessional

everyday i come home & eat cheese

streets on the china, never met her before

this week:

1. someone hit the side of our parked car & left a fat dent.
2. a promising applicant accepted a position at work. two down, six to go.
   
3. another promising applicant is no longer returning my phone calls. it feels strangely like dating - wondering what happened & never knowing why... it sucks. i was so hopeful & now i'm scrambling for more good people. where does one find them??
   
4. my shoulder is improving. my back, however, is unchanged. (do physical therapists pay for chiropractic care when they injure one part of you while treating another part??)
   
5. i had a large X taped across my back, holding my shoulders in the "correct" position.
   
6. i put my seedlings out on the roof for some much needed sunshine, only to watch some crazy little bird massacre them. he tore stems in half & ripped plants apart - that little bastard!
   
7. i made some AWESOME sleeps this weekend whilst D was sleeping on the couch - he's been sick with a cold & nice enough not to wake me with coughing, etc.
   
8. we're heading to ohio for a long holiday weekend & we're SO EXCITED!!! it's been way too long since we've seen the cool kids. we may get to see them again on our trip to stl louis, in early july, because we'll be stopping in columbus, OH for the tom waits concert.
   
9. i'm working on cutting out my cup of caffeinated tea in the mornings. it's going ok... but it kinda sucks.
   
10. in the shower this morning, i learned that i had the lyrics to the Mr. Belvedere theme song all wrong. seriously though, leon redbone could enunciate a little more...

they care way more than i do

so... just got back from 2.5 hours of "happy hour" with some folks from work. i realized during the long, drawn-out conversation- about work, of course - that i'm not nearly as committed as they are. in fact, i could walk away now & would be just fine. i don't really want to walk away at the moment. but i have to admit, getting more of the insider's view of things kinda sucks. i should've realized that they wanted to dump on me & see if i could get anything past our supervisor. uuugh. seriously, i have enough on my plate.

so i'm still interviewing applicants & a few people have been in for working interviews. had two such folks in today. it was a little stressful. i already had my ideas about certain people being a good fit or not, prior to actually meeting them. anyway, i got word at the end of the day that the opposite of what i thought was true on the job. huh. one person is way more skilled than the other, even though that person's life may not be as together as the others. jeez. this is really tough. suddenly, i've started to feel like i'm scrambling for applicants. a little panicky. maybe i should take anyone who seems kinda ok? yeah, probably not.

in other news, i got my teeth cleaned the other day, for the first time in 6 years. that's right. 6 years. it wasn't really something i took care of once i had to take over & make decisions for myself & see to my own health care, etc. hm... it wasn't that bad, actually. i don't eat crap, i drink a lot of water & brush my teeth often. i did learn that tartar = barnacles on your teeth caused by saliva. gross.

i'm off to do some reading & winding down after a long ass day.

monday, monday

why can't i sleep??
i think it's because i have an applicant coming in on Wednesday for a "working interview" & i'm fairly certain she won't make the cut. she called me & i wasn't expecting it - i was completely unprepared to tell her we couldn't offer her a position. so now i have to meet her & feel even worse when i deliver the news. sucky. alas, i have to be a grownup sometimes.

i'm getting a little nutso about work & putting together a construction curriculum. i'm really not sure how to teach construction. i mean, on-the-job learning seems to be very effective, but slow. i think there should be some training that occurs outside of the job-site. d & i went to the library yesterday & i got about 15 books on construction... all the good ones they had. :) sorry, all you do-it-yourselfers. i've got the good books until june 1. they've got a lot of good details/diagrams as well as tips n'tricks. i admit i don't have as much experience with structural framing as everyone else i work with... i'm more of a trim girl. i often feel inadequate because my construction experience is so different. & because my shoulder doesn't work, so i can't lift anything, & my voice isn't as strong as it could be, so people can't hear me. i'm awesome at my job, really, i am. :)

not too much else going on these days. it's cold as crap & rainy here. made chili & cornbread for dinner tonight, that's how cold it is. chili on may 12. d & i had a pretty good time hanging out yesterday, running errands & whatnot, being silly. we watched American Beauty last night, which we'd seen before, but i couldn't remember the plot. it was good, but disturbing. i felt so awful for the gay guy in the end, it just about broke my heart. we all know how shitty it is not being accepted for who you are. jeez. i can't imagine spending my entire life pretending to be someone else. would i have rather watched Karate Kid? i don't think so.

hm... i guess that's about it. my garden was doing ok, last i checked. could be completely washed out by now for all i know. planted a bunch of wild flowers & daisies in the boxes on our roof. i'm excited to have a little color on our roof - a big change from black tar. :) my brussel sprouts aren't doing so well though - the seedlings do well for a few weeks, turn yellow & die.

still working on making friends with my hair. it truly has a mind of its own. i'm pretty much over it though & i don't feel like a boy or a lesbian, so that's cool. i do think i should probably invest in some sort of "product" though.

the damage is done

it takes me a while to step forward & make a change. really. i talk about things i want to do A LOT ....sometimes i follow through, sometimes i don't. made some progress with my follow through yesterday & unknowingly got a shocking haircut. it's sort-of what i've been talking about for years now (i was thinking about it today while D & I were at the park - 7 years of talking about cutting the hair) but i didn't really intent to do this far. i get a little more cut each time i go... but then the person moves away or i stop getting my hair cut for 5 or 6 months & have to start over. that plan didn't quite work out this time. i brought a picture (same one i brought last time - but to a different stylist) & said i want it like this but a little longer. i really liked the resulting cut last time - after a day or so. this time, not so much. i mean, this is more like the cut i had in 2nd grade when people thought i was a boy. this is the reason i talked about it for 7 years & didn't do anything. is there a chance i'll get used to it?

some new do's i could sport, should i feel so inclined:
whatcha think of the "boys don't cry" look? turns out i had a reason to be nervous...

reasons why i can't sleep...

my mind is a blur of interviews & interviewees & my own crazy thoughts about them. i'm putting together a diabolical team. wish i could turn it off!

Quingers

another full week has passed. highlights/lowlights as follows:

1. trying to squeeze six years of flossing into one evening didn't work out. looks like i'll be getting some fillings.
2. physical therapist help & hurt... accidentally. it seems 2 "knuckles" in my mid-back have locked together because of some wacky pilates-based exercise i had to do... hm....
3. i truly hate shopping - especially for clothing. ugh. went to the mall tonight in an effort to update my wardrobe. nothing but crap. i don't really understand how people wear these clothes.
   
4. a shopping success story: i've been enjoying a new pair of pj pants for about a week now. bought 'em a few months ago & was about to return them, because i didn't feel i needed them, when dan convinced me to keep 'em. i'm glad i did - they're cute. i was able to retire one of my old pj pants that i've been wearing since freshman or sophomore year in college - roughly 13 years. the whole ass had recently ripped out...
   
5. started planting some seeds at the garden. slow going & i'm keeping my fingers crossed that they sprout. need more kale!
6. had to reject another applicant at work. it sucked - mostly because we'd talked on the phone a few times & emailed quite a bit... so, of course, this person immediately emailed me back that they were shocked & wanting to know why were they rejected. ugh.
7. had been feeling pretty positive about recruitment - the highs of getting strong applicants & interviewing them & the lows of great applicants accepting positions elsewhere... it's a little rough, but not too terrible. met w/ my supervisor at the end of the day friday & now i just feel crappy about it. he didn't say i was doing a bad job or anything like that. but i realized as he was giving me advice, that he would be much better at this than i ever could be. he's SO passionate about it & knows all the ins & outs & he's great with people... whereas, i'm not that passionate & i definitely don't know half of what he knows & i'm sure i don't paint the same picture he does about balto, etc. hm...
8. i need a freakin' haircut!!!!! my hair feels like a rat's nest. i think that's a phrase my mom used to use, "...like a rat's nest." well, i saw my first rat's nest recently & that's when i realized the state of affairs of my hair...
9. helped work on a green roof for a bit today. it wasn't as exciting as i'd hoped. but i did realize how glad i am that i left my old job. my old boss's new boss is a super huge jerk. i may not be in the right job, but at least i don't have that job.
   
10. Quaker Swingers = Quingers
    

my eyes are closing & i have to go to sleep now. i have 2 new recipes to share & i'll do so in the coming days, when i get a chance.

ode to cheese

just wanted to say, sometimes i'm wrong. i didn't choke or vomit or die when i ate my weirdo lasagna concoction at lunch today. it truly wasn't bad at all. kinda good even (with salt). i did miss the cheese though - so i'm home now wolfing some down to make up for it. a day without cheese is... real sad.

i'm not the one with the booger hanging outta my nose

it's been a good weekend. wasn't sure how it'd turn out, but i'm pleasantly surprised. D & i had some time to hang out yesterday before he went to work. my coworker, M, came over to cook with me in the afternoon. she & I have been trying to cook lunch once a week for each other so we'd both have one less day to worry about what we're eating for lunch. i've been a bit overwhelmed with work lately & trying to cook lunch for myself has been tough, much less feed one more person. (if it tastes like crap, i'll probably suffer through it, but i'd never give it to someone else. know what i mean?) anyway, M came over & said she wanted to cook lasagna because she enjoyed the lasagna i'd made over the winter a few times. we didn't have any of the veggies on hand but she wanted to do it anyway using what she brought (cabbage, carrots) & what i had (broccoli, onions, spinach, kale). i was down for the experiment... did i mention she's vegan? so, no cheese... :( anyway, we made this concoction that will most-likely be disgusting. truly. we made 2 small pans - 1 for her & 1 for me. i had a little silken tofu hanging around, so we used that as a substitute for the ricotta. yeah. at some point, during lasagna assembly, M was concerned that we'd run out of tomato sauce, so she added water to it (a lot of water). anyway, i'm just now preheating the oven to cook this disaster. i don't expect anything good to come out of it but i now know i need a solid plan before she comes over. i feel certain cabbage should never go in any kind of pasta.... (M is also German & eats lots of cabbage.)

last night i read through a bunch of applications for the positons at work. just haven't had time to get through them at work. i've got 20 applicants so far, for 8 spots. really enjoyed the interviews & reference checks i did last week. a big fan of the phone interview. i can make no judgements based on how they look, which is a good thing. although i can make judgements about how they sound. talked to this guy who's an eagle scout/assistant scout master (& in his application, one of his references said this guy could beat people up) & i was expecting a strong, manly voice. i was a bit shocked by the high-pitched nasal tone of his voice. i guess i make up stories about people as i read their applications...

i was supposed to attend a living roof workshop today - at the same site where i did the strawbale building workshop in march. this morning, when my alarm went off at 5:45, i decided to stay in bed. just needed more down time & 1 day of weekend wasn't enough. we had pretty heavy thunderstorms most of the day, so i felt good about staying here. D was off, so we had the whole day to hang out. our errands included sitting in the car for 50 minutes at Trader Joe's, listening to This American Life. it was this bizarre story about cryogenics. all in all, a good weekend, no matter how the "lasagna" turns out.

how does one make GOOD garlic bread?

end o the weekend

feeling a little frustrated today... with food... & food prep. why is it such a pain to eat vegetarian food? if i ate meat, lunch & dinner would be much easier. i wouldn't spend so much time thinking, planning & worrying about it. but i spend a ridiculous amount of time dealing with food. it's past the point of pissing me off. when i worked part time, we ate better food. i had plenty of time to feel inspired to try new things (some good & some not so good) & less crushed when something didn't turn out to my liking. & i wasn't rushed to prepare things so I was able make a lot more from scratch. i don't have time/energy for this game now. i come home from work exhausted. i don't have it in me to figure out what i/we should eat for dinner. i have about 10 things i really enjoy & d likes about half really well. but that's not enough variety. so, we're trying some prepared foods... frozen stir-fry in a bag & the like. we tried the crap in a box. terrible. does anyone have suggestions of fairly simple recipes we could try??? if you do, please e-mail them to me. i'd be forever in your debt for some new, easy recipes....

on a more positive note, had a great yoga class this morning. R, my favorite teacher, is amazing! there were only 3 people in class so there was a lot of individual attention, which was helpful because we were working on backbends. R is really thoughtful & introspective & i wish i could be like her in some ways. should we move away from baltimore any time soon, i think i would miss her class the most. that's probably a little sad... i need to make more friends. now that K is officially gone for a long stretch, my social circle has become nonexistent.... which is strange because when D & i went to the farmers market yesterday, we saw more people we know than ever before & stood around chatting w/a few of 'em. it was probably my favorite trip so far. life's funny like that. (on the way home, we stopped in an open house & that was fun. although the house wasn't that exciting - but i love being nosey.)

i spent yesterday afternoon & evening in the garden, continuing to prep the beds & clean out the remaining bed from last year. lots of weeding, path straightening (moving crap & putting down wood chips) & fertilizing w/ leaf mold (black soil the garden provides - i think it's composted leaves...). things are looking pretty sharp. e cut down some bamboo for me so i could build a trellis for vines & such. exciting. i'm such a nerd - i drew my plot out on autocad before we built it. but i think the building went pretty smoothly because we knew where everything went. go nerds!

back to work in the am... i have 3 interviews scheduled & i need to check one person's references. but i don't want to check them. i just don't like this person. he sounds good on paper... but i didn't get a good sense of who he was during the phone interview. he presented himself as being excellent at EVERYTHING & that's annoying... because it's not realistic. so, i don't know what to do w/ him. interview him again & specifically focus on his weaknesses, if he can find any? reject him because i just don't have a good feeling about it? it's all a big gray area. but is it a gray area of discrimination? am i allowed to go with "i just don't get a good feeling about him?" & if i do reject him, it'll probably have to be over the phone, which is extra lame. i gotta get a backbone.

the thing is, i've had a much easier time sleeping since i've started recruiting. it's actually challenging, whereas the rest of my day is not so much. or maybe i let the challenges slide right by me... whatever. i'm sleeping better & i wanna go where the sleep is...

i close w/ some alaska videos:

• Alyeska ski resort
• Turnagain Arm (me looking cold, in a big hat)
• Sledding in Matanuska Valley
  

brown thumb

d's been helping me in the garden quite a bit lately. we spent several hours on sunday cutting up scrap lumber & building some new raised beds. i decided to rent 2 plots this year soz i could grow hopefully a wider variety of stuff, a little more spread out. we got a lot done & it's looking pretty good.
i'm pretty sure the wood we used is going to fall apart pretty quick. i'm opposed to purchasing new lumber so i can put it in the ground & let it rot. doesn't make any sense to me. so i'll have to keep my eyes peeled for decent scrap wood in the near future.

i'm feeling pretty pumped about the plot. my seeds are beginning to sprout & i can't wait for everything to start growing. my good buddy, k, is off having a grand farming adventure in massachusettes & not here sharing the plot w/ me.

work's been keeping me busy lately. started recruiting & interviewing for next year's volunteers. wacky. i rejected my first applicant today & i felt terrible doing it. i'm hoping to learn a whole lot about interviewing, hiring & all that crap during this process. it's been pretty interesting so far. but it has the potential to suck. rejecting people is no fun. hope it gets easier.

started physical therapy for my shoulder right before the alaska trip. i think it's finally sinking in & feeling better. for the first few weeks, it was feeling much worse. i definitely feel improvement now, so that's good. i'm going to a "wellness center" where the therapist uses mostly pilates & some yoga to work the muscles. it made absolutely no sense to me at first, but now i'm getting it. i also bought a large rubber ball to sit on at work instead of a desk chair. that stupid thing makes my back hurt. we'll see what happens w/ the ball.

d & i just got back from a nice long walk to sherwood gardens. the tulips will be opening up soon. should be beautiful.

schmalaska & beyond!

so... been back for a while now. about 2 weeks. i've been crazy busy with no time to write since my return. work's been quite a bit better, actually. being able to step away for a while was really helpful. i realized, on my last night in alaska, that i'd wanted to gain management experience with this job... & i'd lost sight of that amidst all the madness of day-to-day work. so, some of the other crap that was bothering me before isn't such a big deal now. even my relationship w/ the guy i don't get along with seems improved. maybe it takes me 6 months to settle into a new job? ...or a new job where i work at break-neck speed all day without much supervision... anyway, things have improved & i'm so glad. sorry to everyone i bitched to about it. thanks for listening :)

s & c's street - the house in the center is theirs.

d & i posing at the turnagain arm

MORE PHOTOS OF OUR TRIP

alaska was pretty great & i recommend going, even in the spring. it really wasn't that cold. about 32 degrees, fahrenheit. lots of huge, beautiful mountains. lots of snow... i definitely enjoyed the slow pace of life in alaska. no one seemed to be rushing around - not even in the airport (which felt like a cross between a mall & a hospital... w/ dead animals around). you can't rush mother nature, i guess. if the visibility is zero & the roads are icy, you damn well better slow down. one afternoon, we were driving around with our friend & his brother (in a large 4-wheel drive truck) & we had one accident (slid into a plow-truck) & one near-accident (the truck slid sideways into the oncoming traffic lane & kept sliding down the road a ways). safe driving is no joke. we took some nice walks/hikes in borrowed Xtra Tuffs (insulated rubber boots you can wear tramping through tall snow & water). saw lots of avalanches (after they'd happened). we saw Matanuska Glacier & stayed in a cabin in the mountains (most amazing sunset & moonrise i've ever seen). did some super fun sledding in Matanuska Valley. enjoyed delicious meals (including a seafood feast w/ king crab legs, shirmp & mussels) & good company. our alaskan friends happen to be tour guides, so we learned quite a bit too. got to hear all manner of sensational tales of life in alaska - people dying in avalanches (or narrowly escaping them), people falling in crevices & surviving, a guy getting his face bit off by a bear (a guy our friends know). our friends have run into bears several times too. scary. and moose. we saw neither... alive. wish i'd been able to stay longer. d got to see the northern lights, took the tram up into the Chugach Mountains & walked on the flats (the fjord our friends live on - turnagain arm - drains completely when the tide is low & nothing's left but huge chunks of ice).

i recommend checking it out, if you can. it was weird to think, when we were there, that we were much closer to japan than baltimore. alaska is 4000 miles away. it was a great adventure.

and so it goes

been doing a lot of thinking/worrying about life lately. living in the moment is so damn hard. i went to a strawbale building workshop last weekend & as i was heading back to baltimore, i realized that my current job doesn't "feed" me. it's a funny phrase my friend katie & i use a lot. touchy-feely. i don't know why it's so difficult for me to find a job i enjoy. i seem to learn a little more about myself with each job i take. wish i could learn A LOT MORE real soon & stop taking jobs that aren't good fits for me.

the strawbale workshop was interesting & i'm glad i went. met a lot of folks who do all kinds of interesting things. one woman home schools her kids & has a 5 acre CSA with crops and animals. very cool. another guy, my team-mate, has a gray-water recycling business & installs composting toilets. he explained how they work & i'm intrigued to see & use one. hm. the reason i went to the workshop was to meet the woman who designed the building we worked on. i read about her a while ago & had been wanting to meet her for a few years. she's an architect who designs natural buildings & provides workshops during the construction so people who are interested can get some hands on experience & learn a little about it. pretty cool.

anyway, i've had a hankering to talk to the architect for a few years, so i went to the workshop. the first day, i felt like, "oh my god, it's her. i want to be her!" kind of irrational. the next day, i couldn't figure out what to talk to her about. on my way out, i made myself go & talk to her. & i'm glad i did. she said she combined design and construction because doing one or the other made her crazy - she was always missing the other activity. i hear that. i hate sitting at a desk all day & i really enjoy designing spaces & i also enjoy getting my hands dirty. it's nice to know there are other people out there like me - at least one other person anyway. she suggested deciding what my goals are & then choosing a path that would lead to those goals. i may not necessarily need to go back to school. so... goals... that's something to work on.

here's a short news story about the building & workshop:

http://your4state.com/content/fulltext/?sid=497a2fd23d58a02943f28bf02c7c18
df&cid=15764

work's been pretty b-o-r-i-n-g lately. it took me a long time to adjust & feel comfortable at work & now that i do, i don't feel challenged at all. i'm trying to focus more on what i can gain from this experience & not so much on what i can do for them. it seems impossible for me to get anything out of it because i'm not passionate about it.

so if i'm going to keep working there, i need to feel invested in some way. a worthwhile goal? maybe. it pays well & this is not the time to start job hopping. at the same time, my insomnia's been pretty terrible & i'm guessing it's because i'm anxious about work. stupid, i know. it's not like i'm sitting around worrying about it all the time. but i do worry about quitting & moving on to something else. & when are we going to have kids & how is that going to work out? & how can i have this job that doesn't exist that i think i'd really like? hm... so, i'm a bit crazy i suppose.

d & i are taking a trip to alaska a little later this coming week. i'm very much looking forward to getting the hell out of here & having an adventure.

Boo Ya, It's Cold!

last night, i awoke abruptly as D was stealing my pillow - w/ 2 hands & everything - adamant that it was his, even though he was laying on his... a little later on, he jumped up & shouted, "I have to put out that fire over there!", pointing across the room. have i mentioned D's an "active" sleeper? today i was thinking back over recent & not-so-recent sleeping incidents. the first time i spent the weekend at truman, he looked at me & said, "You suck!" i didn't realize he was asleep & that made me feel bad. more recently, he punched me in boob while beating up "sport coat guy" in his dream. nothing beats peeing in the corner & arguing with me that he wasn't...

ugh. i really wish we could get out of here & visit the cool kids in ohio. haven't seen 'em since august, i think.

went to one of my regular yoga classes this week - a teacher i don't particularly care for, but her class is decent. she decided to conduct mini private lessons with each person instead of lead the class. initially, i thought it might work out ok but in the end, it was damn annoying & not at all what i go to yoga class for. i got one good thing out of it though: i stole the mantra of the lady next to me. "I am unlimited." every time i think it, i feel significantly better; calmer, more hopeful. so, i'm unlimited. thought you should know.

work's been a bit frustrating lately. my unlimitedness is helping though. i've officially held the position for 5 months. 19 more to go. :( probably not the best way to think about it... i have lots of hangups about the place. mostly the religion thing. finally got my business cards this past week. the backs of every other one say something about working in partnership w/ J.C. i sorted through & put those cards in the back of the box. i'm not handing that out to people. gives me the creeps.

got a work fundraiser to go to tomorrow night. we'll just call it an event showcasing comedians from different religions. wish religion was funny.

the coughing's mostly over

nothing too exciting going on these days. since the grant writing frenzy ended, going to work has felt unbelievably pointless. no challenges. not really using my brain. not even moving around much. turns out i have a strong dislike of desk jobs. i enjoy moving around during the day. after sitting for hours, i feel like my spine is compressing & my back just hurts. i'll take the cuts, bruises & dirty fingernails of carpentry over the backpain & boredom of desk work anyday... except my shoulder still doesn't work right, so i'm kinda stuck for now.

i got to go to a few job sites yesterday & at one, i taught the folks how to build a set of stairs, which was super fun (i'm a big, ol' dork & some days, i'm proud of it!). last week, i drew up a few construction details for the stair & as i was drawing everything out, i was filled with excitement & really wanted to build it myself. (whomever reads this crap, sorry. i know it's b-o-r-i-n-g.) anyway, i realized how much i enjoy the design-build process. i want to do both because they're both important & exciting to me. but i still don't know what kind of design-build work i'd like to do. i mean, that was part of my last job - but i was bored with the projects. so...that's what i've got to figure out now.

hm... i might go to a straw-bale building workshop in the beginning of march. could be exciting. the woman giving the workshop is an architect & builder that i've been admiring from afar (i read about her on the internet & met some folks in northern maryland who had worked w/ her a few years ago). maybe i want to be like her? dunno.

also, just to weigh in on the time machine vs wings debate: wings win every time for me. i have enough trouble living in the present. not really interested in going back in time, unless it's like watching a movie - no interacting, just watching - but i don't do that much movie or tv watching anyway, so why bother? i also have no interest in going back to relive parts of my life... once is enough, know what i mean? it would probably be pretty humiliating & awful anyway. flying just seems like fun.

celebrated my 31st birthday earlier this week. had an enjoyable day w/ D. we walked to federal hill & had some tasty thai for lunch & spent the afternoon at the science center. i was pretty pumped to see the body worlds 2 exhibit. but it wasn't mind-blowing at all. thought it might be horrific/creepy/interesting/bizarre. unfortunately, it was a bit of a let down. definitely bizarre. people turned to plastic, cut up & arranged in weird displays. i'm awful glad we have skin.

well, i survived the grant writing madness. phew. it shouldn't be so bad next year now that i'm familiar with all the info. 2 hours before it was due, i found out the info in one of the essays (that i kept from last year) was not true... that was pretty awesome. nothing like a little last minute drama. but it's done now & that's pretty great! at least i felt challenged at work for 2 weeks. i was working like a dog, but i can't say i don't like challenge. i hate feeling bored!

our kitchen sure is clean! i did some major cleaning in here yesterday & it feels much better. it's so hard to make this place feel clean. i can scrub the shit out of it & the paint is still bumpy & wierd, the walls are still discolored in places & the floor is always gross. hm. but, it's cheap. most of the time, i don't mind that it's rough around the edges. it's kind of charming - i can say this now that we haven't had any furry vermin in many moons. it's got a lot more charm & detail than most rehabbed places. sure, our bathroom has 3 surfaces sporting a range of colors & patters, from faded pink & tan to green, black & gold... it's quite an array. honestly, i kinda want to paint the place. but i'm resisting. the living room is massive & would take FOREVER & many many gallons of paint... plus, if we have to paint over it before we move out, that would really blow. so i'm holding out to see if it's a passing fancy or not. i'm picturing a really pretty pale green in the living room & a warm, fun color in the kitchen.

think i'm just getting bored w/ this space & myself. i would desperately like a haircut. i've definitely got a mop on my head. but the last lady i liked moved. hm. also feeling the urge to go shopping. this hits every once in a while. frugal living gets old at a certain point & i have to change things up a bit.

nothing too exciting going on. trying to figure out just what i can do to make my job challenging so i'll want to stick around. the guy i don't necessarily get along w/ is gone on vacation for a bit & that's kinda nice. i'm tired of being overly friendly all the time. it's a drag.

had hoped to have enough time to make some apple muffins tonight. but i went on a long walk w/ E & L. just enough time to finish making soup for my lunch tomorrow. i think that's all i've got. the nyquil D is kicking in. good stuff.