Monday Night Ramblings

My mind is spinning out of control and my heart is pounding a little bit. I feel like I could run a marathon - which isn't good for 10:30 at night. Not good at all. Been feeling out of sorts lately. Anxious. Stressed out. Irritable. Haven't had much time to myself lately - at least it feels that way. Things have been nutty at work for the past few weeks. Restructuring with the new department head. I'll spare you the drama and just say I got a promotion. It wasn't without a fight - cuz they wanted me to take on the full time work of (2) people... and pay me less than the guy who currently does the other job that I don't currently do - all while my supervisor was out of town for the week. Very shady dealings for sure. Huh... In my mind, it's just a mass of confusion. Long conversations. Me advocating for myself - cuz if I don't, who else will? It was super exciting and terrible.

It's all resolved now that my supervisor's back. I'm taking on SOME extra responsibility. What the responsibility entails is still a little gray. I've been assured this is a 40 hour per week gig (though my current responsibilities, none of which I'm relinquishing, often require more than 40 hours per week). Not sure I believe it, so that's why I argued for a higher salary. Shit, if I'm spending MORE time at work, they best pay me for it! Anyway, negotiated the raise and (4) 10 hour days instead of (5) 8's, which I'm pretty pumped about. I'm looking forward to some canning w/ Farmers Katie & Anna later this summer (woo hoo!) and hopefully just some time to chill out, in addition to having time to work on our place.

I had some caffeine this morning. This is fairly unusual for me in my old age. I used to drink coffee like a fish in high school, college and a few years after college. Gave it up due to an unhappy gut. Now I'm incredibly sensitive to it. I feel like I'm on speed. Not that I've ever done speed. I don't think I ever did anyway. Seriously though, I'm SO much more productive at work when I have some caffeine. I can FOCUS and accomplish things - which is really difficult in my office because it's crazy loud and people are talking and asking questions ALL DAY. It's so hard to get anything done. But I got a crap load accomplished this morning. It was GREAT. I'm swimming in stupid paperwork trying to finish up the service year with my band of cool kids and goof balls - and recruit the next group, which is going fairly well (recruitment, that is) and I'm pretty pumped about it - but I don't think I'll ever like/love any group as much as I do my first group. I literally LOVE them. I see them occasionally and I feel warm and squishy love. I don't know what it's like being a parent, but I liken it to parenting, possibly. I just want the best for 'em. And, they're adorable. Ugh. I miss 'em.

Ok - that was a long ramble. Dan's home and he has agreed to go on a short walk w/ me which I think would help. I was outside planting seeds until 10pm. The neighbors thing I'm nutty... Side note - we went to my former boss's birthday gathering on Friday - which was a bunch of adults with toddlers and small children hanging out - and he offered us pot brownies. So bizarre. He used to go by the name Radiance, so I guess it's not THAT bizarre... But he's got a wife, 2 kids and is about to purchase a minivan. The pot brownies seem out of place.

And now the walk.