this week feels loooooooooooong. i'm so ready for the weekend. ugh.

been a good week for catchin' up w/ folks i haven't talked to in a long while. feels good. gotta get over the phone phobia...someday.

the guy i've had trouble w/ at work has finally labeled us as "not meshing well." it's true but it often feels wierd & uncomfortable when people confront issues. i mean, i'm glad to get shit out in the open, deal with it & go forward. often times i don't realize it's possible to change things. they just are what they are... turns out that's often times not the case. i'm interested to see what happens because of our "not meshing well." stay tuned.

have accomplished zero christmas shopping & that feels pretty good. i have to say, i wish it was easier to move towards celebrating the holidays sans purchasing gifts for people. not that i don't like giving gifts. i do. i guess, in my old age, i realize i'd rather spend quality time with people or do something nice for them & forget the purchasing of the stuff - although am a fan of useful stuff.

& so my brain is melting. i need to sleep.

rotator cuff - schmotator cuff

finally got around to seeing el doctor about my silly shoulder. (don't be angry, parents. i did see my regular doctor a few months ago about it. but it's still bugging me so i went to a specialist.) anyway, i've decided bodies are like cars. of course when you finally take in the broken "vehicle", there doesn't seem to be a problem. pooh. well, she's a cool doctor & i got some new exercises to try out. she said i could definitely go to a physical therapist if my shoulder gets angry again.

stop fighting & you can have some texas toast

been a while. not much going on at the moment. had a good turkey day w/ dan & katie. the three of us spent the afternoon slaving in the kitchen. some other folks joined us for the dining portion of the evening & that was pretty fun - tasty food, wine & games. good times were had by me for sure (& i'm pretty sure other people enjoyed themselves too). (i added a new recipe to my favorites - collard greens w/ browned onions. delicious! went over well at our turkey day dinner - w/ folks who enjoy greens, that is.)

at the end of the looong weekend, i helped pack up katie's car & watched her drive off into the sunset. not really. i did help pack the car though. i'm sad that she's not 3 blocks away anymore, but i think she'll have a great trip & i look forward to her return, someday - even if that means she lives behind our couch for a while.

not much else going on. work's become a bit more comfortable, which i appreciate. no fun feeling tense all the time. a few more weeks & i'll get my 3 month review. kinda looking forward to that... wonder how my supervisor thinks things are going...

got word this week that i can keep tending the garden over the winter! so glad about that. we - i guess it's "i" now - i have a lot of collards & kale & beets & carrots growing. took katie's compost bin over to the garden & now i have somewhere to put food scraps! that's pretty exciting stuff. i wonder if it's too cold in the winter for scraps to break down outside. hm...

so one of the workers at my job has alzheimers. it's pretty sad. he's such a nice man, but he spends so much time confused. it's become a safety concern recently - not a good idea to have someone who forgets what they're doing while they're doing, using power tools - or driving or anything, really. he doesn't have a retirement plan, i don't think. he's going to be in trouble when he can't work anymore. man... what a shitty way to go.

time to turn up the heat...

5 days left until my buddy katie heads out for adventures outside of baltimore. she'll be joining us for turkey day festivities though, so i'm looking forward to that. sad that we aren't having our usual ohio thanksgiving but that means a fun fake thanksgiving will be celebrated sometime next year. can't wait to meet the new baby. it seems so bizarre to me that he looks different than the first child. in my head, i must've thought the new baby would be a replica of his older brother. guess that's generally not how it works.

had a rediculously sleepless night last night. ugh. terrible. was it the 4 spoonfuls of bailey's ice cream 2 hours before bed or leftover stress from the workday? guessing it probably wasn't the ice cream. hm... well, i do seem to be rather busy when my boss is out of town. i think it's a combination of good & bad. feels good to have a lot to do but bad that i don't have support. i actually wallked through a drug deal yesterday on my way to measure a house for trim. strange but probably a pretty regular occurrence in that particular neighborhood.

i think my boyfriend fell asleep on the pot. actually - he's reading about U2. that's all i know.

89 days left

to enjoy the ripe old age of 30. hm. i was telling my brother, jake, i have at least 90 things to do before i turn 31 - but that was yesterday, when i still had 90 days. 89 days is a completely different story. so, what did i accomplish today? i had a not-bad day at work - maybe even a "good" day. but i don't like to go throwing words around... i also took a leisurely walk home, which was really nice. i've been enjoying the fall leaves on my walks to & from work for the past few weeks. today, i gave in. yes, i gave in. i picked up some leaves - because they were so beautiful. i picked them up, just a few, & brought them home with me. only by the time i got home, i wasn't holding just a few - it was a handful. so pretty... i like to press the leaves & use them on cards. but sometimes, my craft-making is very messy & annoying to my roommate/boyfriend/husband, the danners. i'll do better, sweets. promise.

me & the d enjoyed some massages yesterday evening after work. i haven't sleep so well in a long while. completely worth it. why don't we pamper ourselves more often? because, it's damn expensive.

also, completely off the subject, I LOVE CORNBREAD! been enjoying a bit here & there for the past few days & boy, is it delicious. dan's not a fan though. oh well. more for me!!

went to a great yoga class after work this evening. so relaxing. having a gym membership is expensive. but again, totally worth it. i can pamper myself w/ exercise & relaxation as often as i like. good stuff. (why don't they have massage clubs?)

with the next big birthday quickly approaching & our 3rd anniversary behind us, i've been thinking about some goals/things to focus on. not in order of importance:

• better communication in my relationships
  
• make more of an effort w/ friends - everyone has moved away or is moving away & the social circle can't get much smaller... eek.
• voice lessons - i've got some good leads & one possibility at the moment
• relaxation & breathing - this one is a constant struggle, especially with the new job. sounds rediculous, needing to focus on breathing. but i swear, when i'm tense, i am an incredibly shallow breather & sometimes i stop breathing all together. yoga is good for practicing deep breathing & relaxation. i hope at some point it will carry over into the world outside of class. a life goal.
• being myself, to a large degree, all the time.

mmm.... cornbread.

into the tame

another quiet monday off. thank god. saturday was the height of craziness at work, thus far anyway. went to yoga this morning. so nice, just walking down the street to class. we meet in the sanctuary of this old church that's being renovated - no pews, just random couches & chairs & things... it's a great space for yoga. nothing like lying on your back in the middle of a big church & seeing the sunrise through the clerestory windows.

spent last night doing some cooking for the week. i've been making some poor dinner choices since i started this job. just don't have the energy to cook & i don't seem to care. so last night i cooked up a huge pot of chili (really, it's HUGE - thanks, mom, for the big pot) & put together a vege lasagne for later in the week.

our 3rd anniversary is coming up later this week. bizarre. i no longer think it's weird that we're married. for a long time, the idea of being married & knowing we were, was so bizarre. not no more. maybe it came with the new job. i'm definitely not one of the "young" people & that's odd. i still feel young though, except for the 9:30 bedtime. :)

stopped by the garden today. looks like someone's done a little digging in my compost pile. maybe they'll kick me out for bringing kitchen scraps to the garden. hope not. i have to take them somewhere...

experimenting with black beans

they're fresh, as in not dried. got 'em from the farmers market this weekend. cookin' em up for dinner. i hope they're tasty. i've had katie's fresh black beans a few times & of course they were delicious. who knows how mine will turn out though...?

welcome to adam grass & jack steinmetz! seriously, everyone's popping out babies - although i bet their mom's might phrase it differently. welcome, babies!!!

think i'm finally settling into the job a little more. it's been rough at times, i won't deny it. the joy of working 6 days in a row is having the following monday off. what a treat! i enjoy monday's off much more than saturday's off. on a monday, the world seems pretty quiet (except for traffic on our street). i can go out & do things (like shopping) & want to kill myself a little less because stores aren't swarmed by everyone & their mother - THEY'RE AT WORK!! it's so great!! few things turn my stomach as much as stores full of people. you do have to make peace with the slow, poor driving of many old folks though. in my book, it's totally worth it. & it feels ok just to take it easy. there's no one else to hang out with & sometimes, that's exactly what i need.

anyway, i had a leisurely monday (after a short trip to work that i'm pretending never happened). went to yoga, sat around in the sun & read the book i've been struggling to get through (for a book club i'm trying), had some lunch, caught up on some e-mails, went to the garden for a bit & got the emissions inspection on the car. an all around good day.

i finally had time to attempt another compost pile at the garden. i've been taking our food scraps (non-animal scraps) to katie's compost bin, but seeing as she's leaving, i needed a new spot. so i dumped it on the garden plot next to ours, which has been abandoned for the winter & i piled it high with wood chips. boy did it smell - it was pretty horrible. hope they don't kick me out for stinky compost.

guess that's about it. getting a bit of a cold, i think. a sign that i haven't been taking good care of myself. dan was so sick last winter, like he was dying, & i didn't even get a little sick. hm... i'm on the market for a voice teacher & i've got a few leads. my new bedtime seems to be (eek!) 9:30pm. wacky. but it seems to work somehow. i'm old.