Not a Squirrel

A few photos from the past week.  Things are pretty quiet around here.  Life continues at a dull roar, as the wise old midwife said.  Time is irrelevant, which is odd.  What we've got going on: feeding, diapering, swaddling & calming the crying of Mr. Samuel as needed.  Feeding ourselves, showering, sitz bathing (ugh), sleeping, chatting, internetting, washing lots of laundry (we must be bad diaperers as this boy has lots of leaky poops & pees).  That's about it.  I was having these monster headaches the first few days after we were home, which sucked & made any and all of this seem completely impossible.  I'm feeling better now though and hope this ridiculous weather gets it together so the headaches are no more - spring one day, summer the next...  Very much enjoying just hanging out with the Danners.  He lightens my mood and brings a lot of silliness to the everyday - threatening to throw the baby out the window, calling him an idiot (in the nicest way possible)....   Things that probably don't seem funny to those outside our house, but seriously, they are and they make me laugh which is really nice.  I'm exhausted, still.  Probably wouldn't feel so bad if I was only 25 or 30 instead of 35, but whatever.  Parenting before now would've been disasterous for me I think.  I wasn't ready to take this on until the ripe old age of 35.  And, I wouldn't trade the many years Dan and I have had alone together for anything.  It's been amazing.  He's my best buddy, my love.  I can't imagine life without him - which kinda makes sense since we've been together for most of the last 17 years.  That's a damn long time.  I'm glad for it though.  I've had time to learn a ton about myself and him and to grow up and make a life together.  Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

I already find myself struggling with the slowness of things, even with the exhaustion.  My mind wants something to do.  It's hard to be away from work - they're purposely not communicating w/ me about stuff for a few weeks so that I can focus on baby & recovery.  It's nice, but I'm a bit bored at times.  I wonder if I'll always feel this way or if at some point I'll struggle to go back to work.  I think that's part of the reason I don't want to fully disengage from work - it'll be that much more difficult to get back into the swing of things if I'm really and truly gone for 3 months.  That's a damn long time.  I've always struggled to jump back into something when I've been away - even in grade school.  I hated going to school part way through the day if I'd been out for a doctor's appointment or something.  Hated it.  I feel the same now.  I want to be there from the beginning so I know what's up, I'm not lost, I don't have to ask a ton of questions to figure out what's going on...

But anyway...  I'm gonna try not to think about that stuff too much while I'm home.  

We're having baked potatoes for dinner.  Real ones.  Like, baked in the oven.  I've never made real baked potatoes before, which is kinda sad since I love 'em.  Growing up, we had microwaved baked potatoes.  Big family, busy schedules, quick meals.  I have always enjoyed the microwaved ones but during the pregnancy I got a bit hooked on actual baked potatoes, from Applebee's.  (Yes, I did eat there a good bit in the last many months.  Not something I would normally do - but I'm glad I found something I enjoy at the 'bee's cuz Dan's parents really enjoy eating there.  It'll be helpful in the long run.)  Anyhoo, the potatoes are done and I'm just waiting for D to wake up from his slumber.  We should probably be eating something else with them, but at the moment, I don't know what that is.  Baked potatoes are a difficult thing to build a vegetarian dinner around, so far.  Seems like we need meat....

 That's life on this end.

 

Punched in the mouth by a fetus

So here it is, Monday, April 23.  No baby.  D and I are both on vacation from work.  Running out of ways to occupy ourselves as the wait continues.  I was talking w/ a friend the other day and telling her how I've slept a lot better during most of this pregnancy than I normally do - I tend towards insomnia - and ever since I said that, I can't sleep at night.  Not sure if it's excitement, anticipation, anxiety...  Just can't sleep.  Although yesterday I did get up from a nap at 6:30pm - not a wise idea.  The midwife did say, "Sleep when you're tired.  You might go into labor at 2am.  Take naps when you need to."  No 2am labor here.

It's strange to wait around for extreme discomfort to settle in.  Can't say I've ever done that before.  Then again, I've never done any of this before. So there's that. 

Wondering if I'll still love oranges in the post-partum world.  I've always disliked them - mostly a texture thing.  Hairy, covered in white crap that I don't want to eat.  But I eat it all now and I like it.  A lot.  Then there's fried chicken.  I need/want it at least once a week, if not more.  Definitely not something I ate much of before in my mostly vegetarian diet.  I don't want it grilled or roasted or any other way - just fried.  It's GOOD.  Not all of it's good, mind you.  Some of it's really gross.  But the good stuff is good.  Even better when it's cold.  Delish! 

And I wonder how my diet affects the baby.  Will he/she have tastes for certain things I've consumed in mass quantity?  

Soooooooo........  I decided to get up early because I couldn't sleep, thinking a late morning nap would work better than a late afternoon nap.  And I was hungry.  And I was thinking about work.  It's been pretty difficult to unplug from work - to hand all my projects & my people over to others for 3 months.  This is the beginning of the busiest time of year - recruitment season.  My former supervisor is in charge of recruiting the incoming crew, which is very unsettling.  I think he'll do a great job.  I'm just nervous about not having had the time to establish relationships with folks before they arrive in September.  Alas, I'll just have to figure it out.  It'll add a little extra awkwardness to our orientation.

I'm a little worried that we're going to spend the next 2 weeks hanging out, waiting for this baby to arrive, and it won't happen.  D will have to go back to work and then baby will arrive.  Guess it's not the end of the world.  Aside from c-sections, I suppose birth is impossible to plan around.  And I don't want to be chopped open, if I can help it.

Somehow we've got everything we need for this baby.  I'm not sure how that worked out.  For most of this pregnancy, I was positive the baby would have to sleep in a drawer because it's room would still be our living room and the rest of the house would be completely torn up.  As luck would have it, the only room that's completely torn up (& not really even completely), is the kitchen.  It's kinda rustic looking w/ torn up plaster, loose chunks clinging to the lathe.  Open stud walls.  Peeling paint.  Wood flooring covered in blotches of old mastic.  It's a good lookin' room.

The rest of the place isn't too bad.  Got some rugs.  Got some furniture.  Painted the baby's room just last week.  Friends and family have been very generous, giving us all kinds of baby & kid things.  Did my first load of baby laundry the other day.  I've never felt so ridiculous attempting to fold laundry in my life.  It's just too damn small.  I can't believe people come in that size.  The too damn small size.  Mind boggling. 

Been enjoying all the hang out time w/ Big D.  I can't believe we're going to have a 3rd person around.  Really bizarre.  It's been just the 2 of us for a VERY long time.  We've been together for most of the last 17 years.  (Granted, we were silly kids for a good bit of that.)  But, we're both looking forward to it.  He'll be a great dad.  And, what's more adorable than a man with a baby?  In my book, not much. 

Just got home from a surprise baby shower/birthday party thrown by my AmeriCorps members. Wow. I was so surprised. My former supervisor attended along with a few AmeriCorps alums. Turns out Dan's a good liar.. The AmeriCorps members are an incredibly sweet and thoughtful group of people. Seriously. They're pretty great. I'm really not worried about things going smoothly while I'm away on maternity leave, which is a huge relief. If this had happened last year, I think I'd be having a panic attack. For real.

Good people. I'm feeling very loved/liked. I think it was just what I needed cuz I've been feeling tubby, whiney and a little bummed for a while now. Some house stuff is winding down while other stuff is winding up and trying to wrap my brain around preparing for a baby is incredibly overwhelming. I choo-choo-choose napping or laying around much of the time instead. I need to put my feet up right? Right...

Potatoes, hammers & verps.

Day #2 of 2012. Got some much needed sleep, which was great. Had a tasty breakfast, though it would've been tastier if Dan were here instead of at work. Thinking about what to do with the next few hours until he gets home. I could clean the kitchen, which is a mess of tools and construction debris on one half and dirty dishes and food stuff on the other half. Completely unappealing. Though I have to say, it's a much nicer place to spend time since we made a huge opening in the wall. More sunlight. You can actually talk to the person in the next room without yelling or leaving the room. Music is audible. It was a good choice. Caught up on some emails with old friends. Thinking about removing my wedding ring but the window of non-swollen fingers may have passed. Does that mean it has to be cut off or only if it's bothering me?

Had a good day yesterday hanging with my pal Katie. Quite a few belly laughs, which was awesome. Can't get enough of those! Not looking forward to returning to the grind of work tomorrow. I'm really anxious about all the work we need to get completed by the end of the month so the rest of the insulation work can be done. Much of it will fall on Dan's shoulders because I just can't do it and that's shitty. This wasn't the plan. I really hate feeling like a weak/wimpy girl. But at the moment, I don't have much of a choice. And it will be several months before I can take up some slack again. Ugh.

Other than that, things are going okay. Dan and I ended 2011 with insulation, subfloor, a ceiling and furring in the kitchen nook (photo above). A bit of wiring to be done and we'll be ready for sheetrock install. None of this would've happened if we hadn't had a full day of help from many folks at my work followed by a week of Jake's help finishing up the roof repair, dealing with some wiring and framing. It was a fun and productive visit! (Sorry about all the roof work, Jake. I know it's not your fave. Maybe future visits will just be visits and not work trips...)


Feeling pretty okay these days, which is huge. Trying not to spend too much time thinking (and when I say thinking I actually mean worrying) about the changes that will come with the arrival of future child and how we will manage said changes. Had a great visit with the midwife a week or so ago. I didn't have the best experience the last time I saw her. She was rough and cold and witch-like. Not really someone who I want to spend a lot of time with... This last visit was totally different, though she's still kinda witchy. She shared lots of good information, let me know things were progressing well and not to worry about x, y & z. My time with her really eased my mind, which was much needed.

Not too much else going on. Now that I've written about all the stuff that needs to happen around here, I better get off my butt and get something done! See ya!

Names

People at my work have been contributing names for our future child. This is the list so far - it's on a big white board in the hallway. Babar's my fave.

Wish Me Well

Currently worrying about a conversation I have to have with my boss. Not looking forward to it. Not really sure what to say or how to say it. My boss is very new to being my boss - we don't cross paths much. Really don't know what to expect at all.

Our week of "vacation" comes to an end. I still have my usual Monday off tomorrow, but it's back to work for the Danners. Hard to believe that a week ago we were sunning ourselves on the beach at Assateague. It was a gorgeous day for the beach though none of us brought sunscreen... Who knew it would be such a nice day? Not me.

The inlaw visit was good. Uneventful. Indeed it seems that staying out of the house as much as possible is the best thing to do.

Got some good stuff accomplished this week. Lots of lanscaping mostly done. It looks tons better than the dirt farm of summer.

THEN:

NOW:

So far, this rain garden seems to be draining well, which feels like a huge victory after watching it sit for 6 weeks or so full of water during almost continuous rain. We tilled in a lot of sand, gravel and organic materials before planting. Hopeful that it doesn't have anymore issues. Still a bit of work to do - a few more things to plant along the side of the house, pavers for the garden path to install and a bit more mulching.

The focus for the rest of the week was tearing out most of the old kitchen. We decided not to deal w/the cabinets and plumbing right now because it's not necessary for the insulation work to be complete - so that'll be a project for some future time. We moved all of our non-cabinet kitchen stuff into the back bedroom and tore down all the crappy paneling. It used to be a happy yellow kitchen before the evil wood paneling and brown paint took over. The next day, I was sick as a dog with either a quick flu bug or food poisoning (crappy Chinese food) so Dan slaved away alone that day and the next by himself, tearing out lots of other stuff.

Before:


After:


So - that's where the vacation house work ends. And such is life around here. It was fun to hang out w/ Dan for the week, when I wasn't vomiting. Wish we'd had more time for fun things this week. But that will come in time.

Back to work this week. Off to Talladega, Alabama next week for work. Back to Balto for a few days and then we'll head to St Louis for a wedding the first weekend of November. Looks like we'll be enjoying our food in the not-so-kitcheny kitchen for a while yet...

Gosh, life is exciting.