The Next Frontier

And so, 8 people completed their service terms this week, 7 of them today. I thought this day would never come. I've been impatiently awaiting its arrival for a few months now. It's finally over. I don't think I picked the wrong people (except in one case). 99% of it was the organization and all of the challenges and struggles over the past year - they exacerbated any and all personality differences and brought on more incredible challenges. It was rough. I actually cried in the office of a coworker this past Tuesday, because she said "it's been a tough year". Apparently that's all I needed - it triggered the floodgates to open. Super suck. I don't even like her. And I certainly don't trust her.

So - it was a great way to start the week. I was expecting the worst, because I always cry when everyone leaves. Every year. Like clockwork. I should just tell them on day 1 that I will cry on their last day. But that's weird, so I don't. Even though they've put me through the ringer for the last 10-1/2 months, I love them. They inspire me, and bring life and energy to our work place and to the lives of so many. And really, it's not their fault that we don't have our shit together.

After they left, it was so quiet. This happens every year too. The life and energy are gone. But I was relieved. The drama finally ended.

The bright spot came when one of the big cheeses (the only one I like and trust) asked me what I thought about the year. And we talked. We had a lengthy, candid conversation about the struggles of my supervisees, some of my struggles and other things I see that he simply can't from his position. So, next on my task list is to compile the feedback from my supervisees and share it with the heads of the company. Including the stuff about them thinking the company president is a bufoon. I feel excited and empowered but nervous at the same time. Anyone who gets on the bufoon's bad side doesn't seem to last long and I don't want that to be me. If and when I leave, I'd really like it to be on my own terms.

It was also good to hear a candid view of the internal struggles of the organization. To know that people are considering whether it can be a machine and still achieve quality service to all recipients or not. I'm really voting for not, even if that means we have to have a smaller staff. Crappy service from a non-profit organization makes no sense. Why do it at all?

Anyway, wish me luck in figuring out what the hell I should say to a bunch of stiff suits I don't trust a lick and a 2 great people I like. Hope it turns out okay. I've never really had the opportunity to be the one that says something profound and I don't know that I'll say anything profound - but I do think that many things I have seen and heard are not known by the people at the top. I hope that it will help bring about some much needed change. Because it feels like we're headed for the toilet if we keep going in this direction. Can't take another year like this.