i'm monica... i'm disgusting...

so, i feel a little bit like i'm being eaten alive at my job. i actually cried a little bit at work yesterday (secretly - i didn't make a scene & no one saw me). i was just so damn frustrated with all this crap. on top of my regular work load, which is already increased because of recruitment season, i've got a bunch of other stupid crap for the merger integration. & of course we're encouraged to work as hard as we can - no acknowledgement that we have lives or are breaking our necks to stay on top of things. i have yet to catch up since jury duty. it's pretty sad.

today's integration news: m got the pink-slip. her last day is june 30. it's kinda funny because organizing the staff to pose layoff alternatives was her idea. we can all see where that ended up... seriously though, she went about it all wrong. open hostility, etc. but she was planning to leave the country at the end of june anyway because her boyfriend's contract ends & they both have work visa's so they can't stay. i'm mixed between sad (because she really did bring some great things to our work place, or try to) & relieved (she made a lot of things significantly more difficult & stressful because she often says things in a critical way to our executive director) so, i'm pretty mixed about it. i've been pretty pissed off with her lately because i knew she was planning to leave & yet she never let up with the hostility - always pushing her own agenda. that part of me is so relieved this crap with her is almost over... & yet i know she'll be missed.

it's been a long, crappy few days. at the end of the day today i decided to join a few of the office gals for dinner & drinks to rehash all the crap going on. i knew it was probably not the best idea before i went. what else are people going to talk about other than rehashing & gossiping about merger stuff?? nothing. but i went anyway, in the hopes of bonding with my co-workers who i actually rarely see & don't really work with, per se. it was kinda ok for a while. at some point we decided to move on to other random topics. netflix came up. well, you know, i've been checking out some random documentaries lately & i decided to share. (i think i just wanted to have something to say, as i don't really know these people well & sitting silently is lame after a while.) last weekend i watched The Business of Being Born, which was actually really interesting. a little freaky, but good. (all about our health care system & why childbirth is medicalized in our country.) but the other one was just plain bizarre & i wanted to share it for that reason only. to see their reactions. well, it was a little ackward. conversation immediately stopped & then we went on to something else. so i guess i'm the wierdo... but that's fine. seriously though, wouldn't you be intrigued by the title Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate? well, maybe you wouldn't. but i was, so i watched it. thank you, instant download. i think that's all i'm going to say about it - you'll have to check it out for yourself if you're intrigued. it's pretty wacky. there's no actual sex in it at all. but it was filmed in the '80s & the people are so awkward looking... yikes.

so, i give up on people from my work. i'm just gonna be me & that's that. i don't need to bond with coworkers. of course it would help, but i realize it's not going to happen. & i'll probably still watch wierd documentaries cuz regular movies put me to sleep. (& sometimes documentaries do too, schmelvetica.)

is there a lesson here?

turns out our offer was too low. stupid crap. we were supposed to be mr. mcintyre's neighbor & raise our babies in that house. (i just want to clarify that we have no babies.) oh well. something else will come along, right?

too low, too slow or just right?

holy crap! we took a big leap yesterday & made an offer on a house. YIKES! it's cute, only mildly f'd up & it's C-H-E-A-P. exciting, nerve-wracking. the waiting around to hear something is annoying. of course we decide to do this on a long holiday weekend... oh well. though this place has some issues & i'm not quite sure how we would make it all work out well, i feel MUCH better about this place than the one we discussed in detail earlier this week. that one was insane - 3 story 4-bdrm house w/ a slate roof, driveway, garage,big deck and 16000 foot lot with it's own private forest. it was a bit nuts. but we could afford it. & i was really pumped about the great deck, little stone patio & potential for a mini-farm, it took a while to let it go. but it was completely out of my comfort level (project scale & price) & i didn't care for the house.

i'm a little worried about the floor plan of our possible future home cuz the basement & 1st floor stairs are in completely different, almost equally bad locations. i'd wanna fix that but i can't figure out a better configuration. makes me a little nervous that there's no good solution. i'm not sure if we'd be lucky to get it or not. but i know dan would be extatic because he's been on the verge of exploding with excitement for days. when i wasn't 100% sure sure about making an offer on the spot, i was mildly afraid for my life. he made some threats. but i admit sometimes i need some prodding/death threats to acccelerate my decision making, not to mention the 2 other couples that came by to see the place while we were there. cheap = popular, i suppose. we also met one of the neighbors who was older, nice & nerdy - i think we'd all get along just fine. he'd like us better than the hipster couple, right? stay tuned...

the story, sort of

www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/baltimore_city/bal-shooting-conviction0513,0,2135531.story

finally...

juror #271 is done. i will return to my real life tomorrow after 8 days off for this ridiculous crap. please stop making such horrendously bad choices, people.

By the power of Jesus...

...i command all of you slackers to write in your BLOGS! seriously... do it!

rural juror

not feeling inspired to write at the moment - but i feel bad every time i see my blog listed on dan's webpage & i realize i'm eeking closer to 3 weeks since updating. so, to relieve my guilt & move myself to the top of the list for a short time, here's the recent happenings:

• there will be a merger - mixed feelings all around. i was needing some challenge but it didn't need to come this way...
• my little underground group of folks from work finally sent out our memo about job loss to the big-wigs only to be ignored. the boss was really cranky about it & kinda yelled a bit about it at the next day's staff meeting...
  
• recruitment of the new crew has begun & it's been a big pain so far. not many female applicants so far. i hope they get their act together & apply. come on, lazy girls!
• my shoulder was really feeling amazing & we were talking about slowing down on therapy & then i went to a yoga class & over did it. i didn't purposely sabatoge myself - but i miss yoga a lot. pilates isn't the same.
  
• went to jury duty last week. everyone was like, "they'll see that you're a professional, white woman & send you home by 1pm..." fools. i don't dress professionally! i ended up on the jury for a murder trial that starts on monday. i'm a bit freaked out about it - missing work for most if not all of the week, possibly deciding someone's future (i'm an alternate) & seeing/hearing gory terrible things that will fuck with my head... sounds fun. i did meet this totally cool lady at jury duty though - we had a great conversation at lunch. made me realize how much i miss having close girl friends around. and i realized i could have friends who are significantly older than me. age isn't that big of a deal anymore. she was 54 & we had plenty to talk about.
• apparently they only have enough cash reserves to pay us all full wages for the next 3 months. we were told we need to figure out how to bring in more money - each one of us - & find ways to be more economical so we dont' have to lay people off. brilliant plan... i see a lot of layoffs in month 4.
• house hunting continues. we decided to check out a few places that were above our price range today & a few within. of course one of the expensive ones was pretty nice. but i didn't really feel like it was home for us - though it was the first place that had a good kitchen. we saw another place that was pretty cheap & HUGE. seriously enormous. 3 floors. the third floor was right inside the tall hip roof - very cool. but it felt like a bowling alley. i can't imagine dan & i living in a 3-story, 4 bedroom house.