Someone's gotta post something. If it's not going to be you, I guess it'll have to be me.

So... here I am in Mt Vernon, Iowa (just outside Cedar Rapids) with my crew from work. We're here for the next week. Long day of traveling. on the first flight i sat next to a diving instructor - as in scuba diving. he leads expeditions to explore ship wrecks and the like and travels all the time - he only sees his wife & small kids (in minneapolis) on the weekends. i didn't even realize this was a potential job - but i guess someone has to do it.

So I'm sitting in my single un-air conditioned dorm room on a very hard mattress, procrastinating pooping in the public bathroom because i hate it. i've always hated it and i'm sure i will continue to hate it. why do i want to poop with other people i know in the room? or really ANYONE in the room? thing is, i don't.

walking back from the dining hall this evening i noticed lots of tiny little frogs hopping across the sidewalks. tiny like smaller than a dime. so so small. huh. iowa. i was expecting it to be the same as missouri.

so i'm here for the next week for a habitat build in cedar rapids. it's also the height of recruitment season so i don't know how much time i'll spend on site. i've got interviews set up for tomorrow & sunday so far. hoping for many more during my stay.

this dorm room came w/ a box fan, which is pretty sweet. i have a lot of difficulty sleeping w/out one - & i've been told there are loud trains that come through every 2 hours all night long - so i'm glad to have it. i'm glad i didn't have to figure out how to jam one in my suitcase...

not sure why i stopped writing in the blog. many reasons, i guess. time. i will blame this on BIG LOVE which we just recently finished - & i'm so relieved. i love it & am addicted to it when it's around therefore i get nothing else accomplished. not motivated to write about much & i'm sooo tired of writing about house projects. how boring! the garden's coming along well. i hope to post a photo sometime soon. we have little cukes! D's in charge of watering while i'm away. hope that goes well. i know it's a bit of a pain.

work is the same. it's work. seems like there are some opportunities to change things up a bit - but i'm not sure if i want that just yet. got a new boss about a month ago. he's ok. not as direct as he could be, but that's ok for now. in the past 4 weeks, people have left their jobs. one more person will be leaving soon. i think we've lost about 15 people since last june. maybe more. we haven't gone 2 weeks w/out a staffing change in at least 6 months. i've become somewhat numb to it at this point. i had a review a while back, before the new boss started, and i was expecting it to be very negative. but it was the opposite & i got a raise. so far this raise is only verbal - apparently my old boss has yet to turn in the review so...

i think that's about it. i'm going to try & read a little before i make some sleeps. borrowed a book from a coworker. paulo coelho - the witch of portobello. we'll see if it's any good.

columbine schmolumbine

forgot to mention my new favorite book Columbine. loved it. i'm obsessed with it. i don't remember much about the event as it happened - too sucked into my last days in college. the book was so good, i couldn't put it down. when i finished it, i finally let myself Google the hell out of it, looking up photos, videos, articles. for a school shooting that basically unfolded on television, i had a hard time finding video of it or follow up interviews. eventually i found some wacky british movie about it that completely messed with my head. the killers became way too real = lots of trouble sleeping. it wasn't as bad as the exorcist though. nothing beats that for terrifying.

sunshine and bees

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. the trees are flowering, birds are chirping and the bees are suddenly everywhere. our neighbors are out and about - one of them just brought us a janky little table that "matches" the couch on our porch. the porch couch is this funky bamboo frame thing w/ a bold tropical print - chock full of Lino's house smells (cat dander, cigar smoke and old house funk). the new table sports none of these attributes - but it does have fake bamboo legs and a laminated particle board top. i'm not seeing the match...

earlier this week, some crazy doctor lady yanked off the toenail of my big toe. i went to see her because my toenail'd been killing me since i hit it with a pallet jack last week. i'm not sure what i was expecting her to do - but yanking it out wasn't on the list. she did numb me up somewhat - also a terrible experience. i can't recommend any of it.

a few weeks ago i had 2 lumps removed from my right breast. benign. all's well. it's just strange that i've had toe and boob problems in the same month. i had toe and boob problems shortly before my move to baltimore. makes me wonder if there's another big change lurking around the corner.

i'm enjoying a lovely day off work - a perk of working for a christian organization = long easter weekend. might be the only perk... slept in late, ran some errands and enjoyed the sunshine. as i left the post office, a dog was taking a big dump in the post office driveway. and the owner didn't clean it up. so gross. as i pulled out, i told the guy he should clean it up and of course he was all, "but i don't have anything to clean it up with." and i was all, "well, you should." what a boob. part of me was glad i said something (because i think we should hold eachother accountable) and the rest of me was annoyed that there are lazy fools out there like that guy.

not much else going on. looking forward to hanging out w/ d-bone tomorrow. hopefully tilling up the garden. hoping i can get my foot in a shoe - otherwise, i won't be helpful w/ tilling. can't wait to start the garden! i'm feeling pretty nervous about it. our soil is so gooey and swampy after all the snow and rain. but seeds are meant to grow, right? so it'll probably be just fine.

good god, it's gorgeous out here.

what to do with this ugly table??

jeezus it's almost thursday

on fb just now i saw that someone i worked w/ when i first moved to baltimore had a baby earlier this week. it's freaking me out! she'd never even done taxes or had a job when we started working together. it's funny that in my mind she's stayed the same age she was when we last spent time together. freaking me out. seriously.

oh stupid fb - i too want to quit you... or just create a whole different me that's just for people i'm actually friends with. it went down hill when folks from work found me. ugh. & it allows me to be lazy & feel connected to people when i'm not. i should actually call them.

do you ever wonder, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!" i've been thinking that a lot lately. my job feels so damn miserable. i feel so ineffective...for the 9th month in a row. i have lots of interests - which is a good thing - but the fact that i haven't got one solid area of skill is waring on me. especially in this job where i have to multi-task & do too many things. i can't do anything well. how can i make it better? get an intern? do i want to deal w/ that? or do i just want to get rid of L? i want to get rid of L & i want an intern. L makes me nuts even though i try not to let him. why did i make us sit near eachother?? stupid stupid stupid!!

part of me wishes i was 63 instead of 33. i'm tired of trying to figure out this stupid job thing. would it be better if we all worked grueling long hours in factories and had no choices? no. but that would take a lot of this worry away. i'm sure i'd have plenty of other things to worry about.

will the world as we know it end in 2012? i hear it might. according to the mayan calendar. if that's true, then i only have 2 more years of trying to figure this crap out & then i can just focus on day-to-day survival. huh.

the CFO at my work today told me in a round about way that someone was going to be getting fired. i'm not sure why she shared this with me. all i can do is wonder who the hell it is!?!? i wish it was L but i know that's not the case.

a few weeks ago, i decided i should be a nutritionist. i realize that's probably not true, but it made that day at work seem a lot better - hopeful even. then i realized i could give a rat's ass about science.

Antarctica?

I'm pretty sure we're not in Baltimore anymore. What the hell?!


The view of our neighbor's house from our kitchen "nook" window. Crazy huge icicles hanging from our gutters.


I sure hope we get to go sledding today so I can stop bitching about it... And that we don't freeze to death/die attempting to have fun in the snow. Really though, blizzards in Baltimore? This is ridiculous.

Snowpocalypse?

probably not. pretty sure it's just a snow storm - like the 3 or 4 other ones we've had. it's been a wacky winter here in the mid-atlantic, that's for sure. glad for the snow though cuz that means we don't have to work tomorrow! by we, i mean me - i don't have to.

so here we are, in february. 33 is just around the corner. i had a startling realization the other night. we were at a josh rouse concert, waiting for the show to begin and as I looked around at all the people in the room, i wondered aloud, "are all josh rouse fans middle-aged white people?" dan confirmed my suspicions & it dawned on me that i am one of them. middle aged. wierd. (i was already aware of my whiteness.)

funny how self-awareness works. i often share w/ my recruits at work how it took me a looong time to grow up and develop a decent amount of self-awareness. i wonder why? i don't have any answers. in the past month that we've been living in our house, i've realized i still have a long long way to go. moving in to our house was seriously one of the most exciting things EVER. (especially considering the shit hole we were moving from.) but the excitement was quickly overshadowed by a crap load of arguing. not even disagreeing (i much prefer this term - it seems less confrontational & agressive). it was straight up arguing. about stupid stupid crap. you'd think in the 15 years we've been together and known eachother that we would've found whatever there was to argue about. apparently not. turns out, i'm a big ol' baby when i don't get my way. i married this man who is so kind and laid back - he doesn't voice an opinion unless he really really cares - that i've almost always been able to do things my way. turns out, when he has an opinion that's different than mine, i pout & argue & turn into a big jerk. so, that was fun. on top of that, leading the renovations went to my head a bit, i think. maybe more than a bit. aren't you glad you're not married to me? (sorry, D.)

what can i say? life is a journey. on a good day (which actually feels like a bad day), i learn something about myself. D & i are doing fine. we're looking forward to being snowed in over the next 24-36 hours, working on some house projects, watching some Arrested Development (love it!) and enjoying tasty home cooked meals (yeah kale & potato soup!). be good. stay warm & enjoy the snow! it sure is purdy.

still with the bathroom

i'm not sure how we ended up here, living in this house. but i'm glad. it was worth all the frustration, worry and time consuming work. moving sucked because moving sucks - but it was fantastic all the same! we own this place. we can be loud. we can be messy. we can tear down "permanent" things and replace them with other permanent things. wierd!

still struggling w/ the bathroom tile. the grout sealer i used didn't work. but it was "green". it was odorless & didn't hurt my skin. we've moved on to some serious shit - we have to wear respirators just to breathe while applying it. really gross stuff. but at this point, as long as it works, i'll get over it. we need to be able to shower. dan's been hitting the gym in the mornings & i'm washing up in the sink. pretty exciting stuff. shaving the legs will have to wait a little longer.

started out the day w/ some mouse death. i woke up when one trap snapped last night & i was fairly sure i heard something still moving around after the snap. too afraid to go into the kitchen this morning, i convinced dan to check it out. we had not one but 2 mice in the traps. 1 was dead, the other caught a little flap of skin & fur on his back in the trap & was totally alive. super suck. i didn't know what to do. take it outside & let it go? (is it even possible to open the trap w/ a mouse in it?) dan was curageous & did the deed even though he didn't want to. strange and awful to start the day by killing an animal. why is it ok? i mean, i have zero interest in having rodents running around & shitting all over our kitchen. GROSS. but killing them feels so awful. i was so sure we'd found & plugged the holes the night before we moved in. maybe we did & we just sealed in some of the critters - or maybe we didn't... i wish they would just move out so they don't get killed.