the twilight zone

today work was a mixture of wierd, uncomfortable & awful. but i stayed until almost 9 tonight & i was able to catch up on some things & that feels good. stupid pms. tonight i started to feel kinda sad m is leaving. i had to break it to my supervisees today & that was no fun. who wants to be the bearer of bad news? (especially bad news that not really bad. good for her, finally being a little strategic & ending up with a severance package.)

i've got an intern for the next 5 weeks. kinda nervous about it, as i have absolutely no time to manage that on top of everything else. we spent more than half the day at the offices of the organization we're merging with... though it feels much more like a hostile take over. it was pretty awkward cuz we were just there to see which of their things would be moving to our office space. a few of them were discussing how much they didn't want to go/knew they weren't going to like their new job, etc. our E.D. released the newest organizational chart yesterday - a lot of people had different titles & different positions, some people were in different departments. the worst thing about it was that the newest staff member (6-months in) has been promoted to a department director & someone else who was the director for 5 years was demoted & is now working under her. but they're both such great people - super nice, etc. it's just so awful & awkward. the new director, who is also new to the non-profit world was telling me today that she expected non-profit to be very different but was surprised that it's basically the same as for profit. huh. that makes me feel ill. this is definitely not the place that it was 7 years ago when i moved to b'more. whatever. enough about my work. it's taking over.

i think the new intern's a little dyke. kinda cute. i think she was flirting with one of the other lesbians. can't say i've witnessed lesbian flirting right next to my desk before. first time for everything i guess.

i'm monica... i'm disgusting...

so, i feel a little bit like i'm being eaten alive at my job. i actually cried a little bit at work yesterday (secretly - i didn't make a scene & no one saw me). i was just so damn frustrated with all this crap. on top of my regular work load, which is already increased because of recruitment season, i've got a bunch of other stupid crap for the merger integration. & of course we're encouraged to work as hard as we can - no acknowledgement that we have lives or are breaking our necks to stay on top of things. i have yet to catch up since jury duty. it's pretty sad.

today's integration news: m got the pink-slip. her last day is june 30. it's kinda funny because organizing the staff to pose layoff alternatives was her idea. we can all see where that ended up... seriously though, she went about it all wrong. open hostility, etc. but she was planning to leave the country at the end of june anyway because her boyfriend's contract ends & they both have work visa's so they can't stay. i'm mixed between sad (because she really did bring some great things to our work place, or try to) & relieved (she made a lot of things significantly more difficult & stressful because she often says things in a critical way to our executive director) so, i'm pretty mixed about it. i've been pretty pissed off with her lately because i knew she was planning to leave & yet she never let up with the hostility - always pushing her own agenda. that part of me is so relieved this crap with her is almost over... & yet i know she'll be missed.

it's been a long, crappy few days. at the end of the day today i decided to join a few of the office gals for dinner & drinks to rehash all the crap going on. i knew it was probably not the best idea before i went. what else are people going to talk about other than rehashing & gossiping about merger stuff?? nothing. but i went anyway, in the hopes of bonding with my co-workers who i actually rarely see & don't really work with, per se. it was kinda ok for a while. at some point we decided to move on to other random topics. netflix came up. well, you know, i've been checking out some random documentaries lately & i decided to share. (i think i just wanted to have something to say, as i don't really know these people well & sitting silently is lame after a while.) last weekend i watched The Business of Being Born, which was actually really interesting. a little freaky, but good. (all about our health care system & why childbirth is medicalized in our country.) but the other one was just plain bizarre & i wanted to share it for that reason only. to see their reactions. well, it was a little ackward. conversation immediately stopped & then we went on to something else. so i guess i'm the wierdo... but that's fine. seriously though, wouldn't you be intrigued by the title Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate? well, maybe you wouldn't. but i was, so i watched it. thank you, instant download. i think that's all i'm going to say about it - you'll have to check it out for yourself if you're intrigued. it's pretty wacky. there's no actual sex in it at all. but it was filmed in the '80s & the people are so awkward looking... yikes.

so, i give up on people from my work. i'm just gonna be me & that's that. i don't need to bond with coworkers. of course it would help, but i realize it's not going to happen. & i'll probably still watch wierd documentaries cuz regular movies put me to sleep. (& sometimes documentaries do too, schmelvetica.)

is there a lesson here?

turns out our offer was too low. stupid crap. we were supposed to be mr. mcintyre's neighbor & raise our babies in that house. (i just want to clarify that we have no babies.) oh well. something else will come along, right?

too low, too slow or just right?

holy crap! we took a big leap yesterday & made an offer on a house. YIKES! it's cute, only mildly f'd up & it's C-H-E-A-P. exciting, nerve-wracking. the waiting around to hear something is annoying. of course we decide to do this on a long holiday weekend... oh well. though this place has some issues & i'm not quite sure how we would make it all work out well, i feel MUCH better about this place than the one we discussed in detail earlier this week. that one was insane - 3 story 4-bdrm house w/ a slate roof, driveway, garage,big deck and 16000 foot lot with it's own private forest. it was a bit nuts. but we could afford it. & i was really pumped about the great deck, little stone patio & potential for a mini-farm, it took a while to let it go. but it was completely out of my comfort level (project scale & price) & i didn't care for the house.

i'm a little worried about the floor plan of our possible future home cuz the basement & 1st floor stairs are in completely different, almost equally bad locations. i'd wanna fix that but i can't figure out a better configuration. makes me a little nervous that there's no good solution. i'm not sure if we'd be lucky to get it or not. but i know dan would be extatic because he's been on the verge of exploding with excitement for days. when i wasn't 100% sure sure about making an offer on the spot, i was mildly afraid for my life. he made some threats. but i admit sometimes i need some prodding/death threats to acccelerate my decision making, not to mention the 2 other couples that came by to see the place while we were there. cheap = popular, i suppose. we also met one of the neighbors who was older, nice & nerdy - i think we'd all get along just fine. he'd like us better than the hipster couple, right? stay tuned...

the story, sort of

www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/baltimore_city/bal-shooting-conviction0513,0,2135531.story

finally...

juror #271 is done. i will return to my real life tomorrow after 8 days off for this ridiculous crap. please stop making such horrendously bad choices, people.

By the power of Jesus...

...i command all of you slackers to write in your BLOGS! seriously... do it!