jeezus it's almost thursday

on fb just now i saw that someone i worked w/ when i first moved to baltimore had a baby earlier this week. it's freaking me out! she'd never even done taxes or had a job when we started working together. it's funny that in my mind she's stayed the same age she was when we last spent time together. freaking me out. seriously.

oh stupid fb - i too want to quit you... or just create a whole different me that's just for people i'm actually friends with. it went down hill when folks from work found me. ugh. & it allows me to be lazy & feel connected to people when i'm not. i should actually call them.

do you ever wonder, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!?!?!" i've been thinking that a lot lately. my job feels so damn miserable. i feel so ineffective...for the 9th month in a row. i have lots of interests - which is a good thing - but the fact that i haven't got one solid area of skill is waring on me. especially in this job where i have to multi-task & do too many things. i can't do anything well. how can i make it better? get an intern? do i want to deal w/ that? or do i just want to get rid of L? i want to get rid of L & i want an intern. L makes me nuts even though i try not to let him. why did i make us sit near eachother?? stupid stupid stupid!!

part of me wishes i was 63 instead of 33. i'm tired of trying to figure out this stupid job thing. would it be better if we all worked grueling long hours in factories and had no choices? no. but that would take a lot of this worry away. i'm sure i'd have plenty of other things to worry about.

will the world as we know it end in 2012? i hear it might. according to the mayan calendar. if that's true, then i only have 2 more years of trying to figure this crap out & then i can just focus on day-to-day survival. huh.

the CFO at my work today told me in a round about way that someone was going to be getting fired. i'm not sure why she shared this with me. all i can do is wonder who the hell it is!?!? i wish it was L but i know that's not the case.

a few weeks ago, i decided i should be a nutritionist. i realize that's probably not true, but it made that day at work seem a lot better - hopeful even. then i realized i could give a rat's ass about science.

Antarctica?

I'm pretty sure we're not in Baltimore anymore. What the hell?!


The view of our neighbor's house from our kitchen "nook" window. Crazy huge icicles hanging from our gutters.


I sure hope we get to go sledding today so I can stop bitching about it... And that we don't freeze to death/die attempting to have fun in the snow. Really though, blizzards in Baltimore? This is ridiculous.

Snowpocalypse?

probably not. pretty sure it's just a snow storm - like the 3 or 4 other ones we've had. it's been a wacky winter here in the mid-atlantic, that's for sure. glad for the snow though cuz that means we don't have to work tomorrow! by we, i mean me - i don't have to.

so here we are, in february. 33 is just around the corner. i had a startling realization the other night. we were at a josh rouse concert, waiting for the show to begin and as I looked around at all the people in the room, i wondered aloud, "are all josh rouse fans middle-aged white people?" dan confirmed my suspicions & it dawned on me that i am one of them. middle aged. wierd. (i was already aware of my whiteness.)

funny how self-awareness works. i often share w/ my recruits at work how it took me a looong time to grow up and develop a decent amount of self-awareness. i wonder why? i don't have any answers. in the past month that we've been living in our house, i've realized i still have a long long way to go. moving in to our house was seriously one of the most exciting things EVER. (especially considering the shit hole we were moving from.) but the excitement was quickly overshadowed by a crap load of arguing. not even disagreeing (i much prefer this term - it seems less confrontational & agressive). it was straight up arguing. about stupid stupid crap. you'd think in the 15 years we've been together and known eachother that we would've found whatever there was to argue about. apparently not. turns out, i'm a big ol' baby when i don't get my way. i married this man who is so kind and laid back - he doesn't voice an opinion unless he really really cares - that i've almost always been able to do things my way. turns out, when he has an opinion that's different than mine, i pout & argue & turn into a big jerk. so, that was fun. on top of that, leading the renovations went to my head a bit, i think. maybe more than a bit. aren't you glad you're not married to me? (sorry, D.)

what can i say? life is a journey. on a good day (which actually feels like a bad day), i learn something about myself. D & i are doing fine. we're looking forward to being snowed in over the next 24-36 hours, working on some house projects, watching some Arrested Development (love it!) and enjoying tasty home cooked meals (yeah kale & potato soup!). be good. stay warm & enjoy the snow! it sure is purdy.

still with the bathroom

i'm not sure how we ended up here, living in this house. but i'm glad. it was worth all the frustration, worry and time consuming work. moving sucked because moving sucks - but it was fantastic all the same! we own this place. we can be loud. we can be messy. we can tear down "permanent" things and replace them with other permanent things. wierd!

still struggling w/ the bathroom tile. the grout sealer i used didn't work. but it was "green". it was odorless & didn't hurt my skin. we've moved on to some serious shit - we have to wear respirators just to breathe while applying it. really gross stuff. but at this point, as long as it works, i'll get over it. we need to be able to shower. dan's been hitting the gym in the mornings & i'm washing up in the sink. pretty exciting stuff. shaving the legs will have to wait a little longer.

started out the day w/ some mouse death. i woke up when one trap snapped last night & i was fairly sure i heard something still moving around after the snap. too afraid to go into the kitchen this morning, i convinced dan to check it out. we had not one but 2 mice in the traps. 1 was dead, the other caught a little flap of skin & fur on his back in the trap & was totally alive. super suck. i didn't know what to do. take it outside & let it go? (is it even possible to open the trap w/ a mouse in it?) dan was curageous & did the deed even though he didn't want to. strange and awful to start the day by killing an animal. why is it ok? i mean, i have zero interest in having rodents running around & shitting all over our kitchen. GROSS. but killing them feels so awful. i was so sure we'd found & plugged the holes the night before we moved in. maybe we did & we just sealed in some of the critters - or maybe we didn't... i wish they would just move out so they don't get killed.

it really is that bad

that's right. we at mcdonald's for dinner tonight. that's about the size of it around here.

our bathroom is trying to kill us

recent highlights:

• snow storm & snow day spent working on the house together
  
• meeting our neighbors while shoveling the walks
• kindness of strangers in the snow
  
• a christmas card from some of our neighbors (& it was really cute too)
• reassurance that we kinda know what we're doing. after 24 hours of panic about out-of-plumb-ness of our bathtub walls & the impending horrible tile job, we realize we were crazy yesterday & all is well.
  
• helpful advice from someone at work
• our house no longer smells like mold & nastiness
• finding a door in the attic. our bathroom will have some actual privacy!
• katie's back in b'more!
• gin & tonic before bed.
• cuddling up in our cold bed. (we did finally close the window but it's still insanely cold in here.)
  

low lights:

• hauling debris = expensive
• trips to home depot = expensive
• plumbing leak due to my interest in recycling/reusing our copper pipes = probably expensive
  
• the 24 hour period when we thought we had to tear down the bathtub walls & start over
• writing a crap ton of recommendations for folks i've supervised.
  
• writing a recommendation for myself for something my boss was too busy to take care of.
• our apartment. after a hard night's work, we took showers when we got home - as usual. i'd just lathered up when someone else (or multiple folks) decided to use the water. the shower went dry. no water. can't wait to leave here!
  

burst of fish

the week off has been pretty fantastic so far. spent the first few days working on the house - prepped for radiator modifications, worked on some annoying framing details, got some saw horses & other miscellaneous tools. dropped dan off at the airport for his band reunion/family Thanksgiving in STL. had a wonderful Thanksgiving at Caretaker Farm w/ katie & anna. i survived 9 hours of driving by myself - something i didn't think i would be able to do. i got lost a few times which extended the drive by 2 hours. oh windy country roads, your poor signage & fog were frustrating! i had a wonderful time chatting, hiking, cooking, eating, sitting by the fire & hanging out with girls. i miss spending time with girl friends. oh my, it was fun! i'm so looking forward to the maunz's return to the b'more region & the future success of their farm. (they're looking for farm names - so if you think of any GOOD ones, send them my way.)

the remainder of this weekend will be spent resolving all remaining bathroom issues - choosing fixures & finishing some framing details. the fixture choosing is stressing me out a bit. of course we want the bathroom to look nice & we want to like it a lot. but i also feel strongly that we should reuse existing things. i'm not yet sure how to balance my interest in being environmentally friendly/not wasteful & our interest in having a great bathroom. i'm not bold enough to try recycling a bunch of junky old tile into a fancy mosaic - though that would be cool, not my forte. i've been going back & forth about what to do w/ the bathroom floor. should we leave the old subfloor down and re-tile or should we pull it up in the hopes of finding hardwood floor underneath? (i'm pretty sure it's hiding under there somewhere...) i'm leaning towards hardwood exploration. probably a similar amount of work to salvage the floor but we wouldn't be purchasing new materials.

can't forget about the bathroom before, during & after pics. this was a few weeks ago. we've since removed the plumbing stack (thank you youtube & home depot tool rental), built a new wall & moved the doorway.






and a photo of the front for Mom Maunz (taken by the previous owner, Lino):