finally...

juror #271 is done. i will return to my real life tomorrow after 8 days off for this ridiculous crap. please stop making such horrendously bad choices, people.

By the power of Jesus...

...i command all of you slackers to write in your BLOGS! seriously... do it!

rural juror

not feeling inspired to write at the moment - but i feel bad every time i see my blog listed on dan's webpage & i realize i'm eeking closer to 3 weeks since updating. so, to relieve my guilt & move myself to the top of the list for a short time, here's the recent happenings:

• there will be a merger - mixed feelings all around. i was needing some challenge but it didn't need to come this way...
• my little underground group of folks from work finally sent out our memo about job loss to the big-wigs only to be ignored. the boss was really cranky about it & kinda yelled a bit about it at the next day's staff meeting...
  
• recruitment of the new crew has begun & it's been a big pain so far. not many female applicants so far. i hope they get their act together & apply. come on, lazy girls!
• my shoulder was really feeling amazing & we were talking about slowing down on therapy & then i went to a yoga class & over did it. i didn't purposely sabatoge myself - but i miss yoga a lot. pilates isn't the same.
  
• went to jury duty last week. everyone was like, "they'll see that you're a professional, white woman & send you home by 1pm..." fools. i don't dress professionally! i ended up on the jury for a murder trial that starts on monday. i'm a bit freaked out about it - missing work for most if not all of the week, possibly deciding someone's future (i'm an alternate) & seeing/hearing gory terrible things that will fuck with my head... sounds fun. i did meet this totally cool lady at jury duty though - we had a great conversation at lunch. made me realize how much i miss having close girl friends around. and i realized i could have friends who are significantly older than me. age isn't that big of a deal anymore. she was 54 & we had plenty to talk about.
• apparently they only have enough cash reserves to pay us all full wages for the next 3 months. we were told we need to figure out how to bring in more money - each one of us - & find ways to be more economical so we dont' have to lay people off. brilliant plan... i see a lot of layoffs in month 4.
• house hunting continues. we decided to check out a few places that were above our price range today & a few within. of course one of the expensive ones was pretty nice. but i didn't really feel like it was home for us - though it was the first place that had a good kitchen. we saw another place that was pretty cheap & HUGE. seriously enormous. 3 floors. the third floor was right inside the tall hip roof - very cool. but it felt like a bowling alley. i can't imagine dan & i living in a 3-story, 4 bedroom house.
  

who's steering this ship?

in the midst of all the craziness and activity at work, a resume passed my desk & ever since i read it, i've been wishing it was mine. yet again i was reminded that this [job, daily structure] is not what i want my life to look like... damn you, procrastination and excuses! i create you at every turn & cuddle up in the anxiousness and confusion you create, somehow convincing myself that this is how life has to be right now. i think there's very little truth in that statement, but i'll have to get off my ass & do something to prove it.

integrity schmintegrity

boy am i ready for this 3-day weekend. work is killing me. the last 4 days have been insane - the highs, the lows... i feel so bored & disillusioned. suddenly my job has no purpose because it's all a farce. not sure how long i'll last at this before i go stark raving mad. this possible merger has turned into a big fat monster. i met with a few work folks late last night to continue working on a plan to keep folks employed if the shit hits the fan. i really appreciate the different people i work with & the fact that we each have a different point of view. also, lawyers are amazing & extremely helpful in these instances. we've got a few ideas to iron out & i've got some research to do over the weekend. we had our last pre-decision meeting today, for our department, & it was really stressful. we went through all the pros & cons that i'd written up last week from our meeting notes. it completely freaked me out when i put everything on paper - because i don't believe in dancing around the issues & it was frightening to think about other's reactions. i knew some people (board members) wouldn't be comfortable with a few of the items & the potential conflict made me nervous. i tend to be pretty quiet during our meetings, because i either have nothing to say on the topic we're discussing or i need time to digest the conversation. in this particular group, this resulted in me feeling kind of foolish, in part because i'm the only female in the group & because i'm not mission driven, per say. anyway, this one board member basically said that though he agreed that a particular statement was true, we couldn't include it in our report because anyone who read it would vote NO on the merger. what?!?! i couldn't believe he said it out loud. it was one of the rare occasions that i spoke up & said if we left the information out of our report, it would be dishonest. eventually the guy gave in. i know none of this means anything to anyone else, but i had to get it out of my head because i'm feeling a bit anxious about it. i'm not sure how what i said was received by my coworkers, including my supervisor. i'm also not sure what to do with the other information that we had to strike from our report. i feel i need to get it into one of the other department reports because the truth needs to be told & heard. what to do, what to do...

diarrhea of the mind

life's been feeling a little crazy lately & so have i. sometimes exciting, sometimes depressing & everywhere else in between. could be my womanly times clouding my brain - i'm sure that's part of it.

there are some big changes being discussed at work. restructuring & whatnot. quite a few folks may lose their jobs. pretty crappy. what's wierd is, M is not driving me insane like she usually does. we've had some great conversations these last few weeks. many months ago M tried to convince me that the changes were going to be really terrible & i didn't want to hear it. everything she said felt so negative & rediculous. i thought she was crazy but in the last few months, i've realized she's right. M's been struggling to organize our colleagues to help them (& her) from losing their jobs. but it's a tough battle. people don't want to ruffle feathers - especially when their job might be in jeapordy. last week i decided to support her "out of the box" ideas & attended one of M's meetings. i don't give her enough credit for all the things she does. she makes me batty some times but she's really smart & motivated. shoot - she's got the most to lose. she'll be deported if she's fired. anyway, i learned all about "work sharing" & some a few other things. we'll see how it goes. time's running short & the final word is expected sometime this month. i hope the board votes NO but we'll have to wait & see.

in the mean time i've followed up on a possible job elsewhere. i'm not that interested in the job - but it doesn't hurt to find out more about it.

today was pretty fantastic. i've been waiting & waiting for a sunny weekend day. seems like it's been cold, cloudy & rainy forever. i worked in the garden last weekend & got caught in a downpour while planting onions. well, today was a gorgeous day & it also happened to be spring cleaning day at the garden. for the first time, i was excited to show up when i knew others would be there. it's hard to get into the zen of gardening when others are chatting you up, know what i mean? there weren't as many folks around as i'd expected. i chatted with a few but spent most of the 6 hours i was there preparing the beds for planting. last year's compost is all spread around. makes me so happy to dig through it & see all the happy worms still hanging out. got a good size pile going in it's place. (i actually scavenged people's weeds from the rubbish pile.) (p.s. flash knows my name & it's totally wierd!) i feel so great after working outside almost al day. sunshine, fresh air & physical labor make a difference.

i often wonder if i'd be happier if we lived the old fashioned way & had to do everything by hand. the simplicity of life would be a load off. you pretty much stay home all the time & work outside growing your food, caring for animals, washing laundry... sure, you wake up early & work really hard all day. but you're not driving anywhere & rushing around & trying to do 10 things at once. you're only doing one thing at a time & that's beautiful. but it might drive me crazy... i read this book called THE GOOD LIFE while we were on vacation in Oregon a few weeks ago. the premise of the book was pretty interesting - husband & wife leave their live in manhattan in the '30s & decide to farm in vermont even though they know nothing about it. that's exciting! they built a bunch of buildings out of stone & learned out to farm & make maple syrup & bartered for things they needed. cash was used very infrequently. i find the whole self-sufficient thing very intriguing. the idea that we really don't need much if we can grow our own food... the people in the book took it a little too far for me though. strict diet & all kinds of other wacky rules. i felt a lot better when i put that book down.

speaking of books - i read an INCREDIBLY BORING book about Alan Alda this week. i think it was his autobiography. there wasn't much of anything at The Book Thing last weekend & somehow i ended up with this terrible book. the man can't write. it was SO boring. but i read it anyway. why? i think it's laziness really. i wanted something to read & it was here. BUT now i started a new book - also from The Book Thing. it's much better. it's called BLUE HIGHWAYS but William Least Heat Moon. it's the account of this guy traveling all over the country in the late '70s. makes me want to pack up & get the hell out of here! there are so many adventures to be had!

ok - so i think that's all i've got for now. be good.

me & d in oregon

those crazy schluetermetz' being crazy

the rocky oregon coast - glad we didn't get a flat tire on the windy coastal highway. stupid rental cars!

so here's the thing... i've got some things to blog about but i'm behind with the themes. 2 weeks behind in fact. (actually, 3 but i got a 1 week reprieve). it's causing a bit of writer's block & stressing me out just a tad.