That my previous boss passed away yesterday. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in mid-May and had less than 3 weeks to live. Wow. I'd thought about him from time to time in the last 2+ years since he lost his job. He was a very nice man. Very different than my current boss. My current boss kicks ass at with brilliant ideas and he's incredibly knowledgeable. He's also "nice" but not someone I trust. He doesn't deal with stress and frustration well at all - screaming at people, throwing folks under the bus left and right. He can be pretty nasty. Though he's never blown up at me, he makes me feel like a kid again. I feel anxious and anticipate that he will lose it and completely blow up at me - and then I would totally lose it. It's no fun to feel like a ball of knots.
I had forgotten how much I liked my previous boss until I looked back at this old blog post I'd written the day I found out he lost his job. He was a pretty great guy. Not too good at the job, but a really great guy. Lots of integrity. Everything was really chaotic and stressful when I worked with him - which may or may not have had anything to do with him - I much preferred working with him than the current kick-ass time-bomb. I was sure I'd run into him somewhere, sometime... It just never happened and now I know it won't happen. And I feel sad about that.
I'm sure getting fired is shitty. But it's also shitty for the people who worked with them - because it's like they died. They're just gone. No explanation. And everything continues in their absence. Time continues to pass. Projects move forward. New people are hired. Other people move on.
But he didn't die. Until yesterday.
Life is strange.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Missing gal pals
If you were here I'd probably tell you that Samuel's finally confident enough to walk across the room - so exciting! Work is exciting, frustrating and really busy these days. I think we're headed in the right direction but I have no idea when we'll actually get THERE. It seems like we never get THERE. I'm not sure who's actually steering this ship. I'd probably tell you a lot more about it and it might get really really boring. So maybe it's good that you're not here. :)
Life feels a little exciting in general. Probably due to the unknown - or what I consider the unknown - about Dan's job situation at the end of summer. Sure, it makes me anxious and nervous. But there's not much to do about that at the moment. Hopefully I won't use the entirety of his 10 weeks off to work myself into the ground. Would be nice to enjoy a bit more time together, some family time, and maybe get some things accomplished around the house. Aaah. The never-ending list of to-do's. (Yeah, I know that doesn't get an apostrophe but it looks stupid without it...)
We/I joined a babysitting coop recently. Sat for 2 other kids, a baby and our kid last Sunday for a few hours. It was a bit hairy but not too bad. Looking forward to having other folks hang out with our kid so we can accomplish something around here. (For $0!) That probably won't go very well because our kid spends so much time with us. He tends to freak out when he's in a new environment without one of us. Good example - day care at the gym. Let's hope that gets better real soon!
A good buddy who I thought completely fell off the face of the earth suddenly reappeared the other day. I couldn't believe it. Might be seeing her this Friday. Trying not to get my hopes up too much as it might not pan out.
I've been thinking so much about work lately that I'm having a good deal of trouble sleeping. Never fun. It's not that I'm worrying about work - I'm a little anxious about all the things I need to do and would like to do. And I'm excited to have the freedom to do them. Just not sure I can get it all done and I don't quite have a handle on prioritizing these things because there are just so many and of course I have limited/almost no supervision. Some people might kill for no supervision but I need it, at least every once in a while.
It's raining a lot these days. The garden's looking good but the plants seem somewhat stunted compared to other gardens... Wonder why. Whatever - as long as the veggie plants don't fail, it's fine.
Life feels a little exciting in general. Probably due to the unknown - or what I consider the unknown - about Dan's job situation at the end of summer. Sure, it makes me anxious and nervous. But there's not much to do about that at the moment. Hopefully I won't use the entirety of his 10 weeks off to work myself into the ground. Would be nice to enjoy a bit more time together, some family time, and maybe get some things accomplished around the house. Aaah. The never-ending list of to-do's. (Yeah, I know that doesn't get an apostrophe but it looks stupid without it...)
We/I joined a babysitting coop recently. Sat for 2 other kids, a baby and our kid last Sunday for a few hours. It was a bit hairy but not too bad. Looking forward to having other folks hang out with our kid so we can accomplish something around here. (For $0!) That probably won't go very well because our kid spends so much time with us. He tends to freak out when he's in a new environment without one of us. Good example - day care at the gym. Let's hope that gets better real soon!
A good buddy who I thought completely fell off the face of the earth suddenly reappeared the other day. I couldn't believe it. Might be seeing her this Friday. Trying not to get my hopes up too much as it might not pan out.
I've been thinking so much about work lately that I'm having a good deal of trouble sleeping. Never fun. It's not that I'm worrying about work - I'm a little anxious about all the things I need to do and would like to do. And I'm excited to have the freedom to do them. Just not sure I can get it all done and I don't quite have a handle on prioritizing these things because there are just so many and of course I have limited/almost no supervision. Some people might kill for no supervision but I need it, at least every once in a while.
It's raining a lot these days. The garden's looking good but the plants seem somewhat stunted compared to other gardens... Wonder why. Whatever - as long as the veggie plants don't fail, it's fine.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Spring Forward
I'm tired. True. I think I'm always tired. The boy finally started sleeping through the night a bit this past week. It's pretty inconsistent, but I don't care - I'll take it. The first night it happened, I was awake for hours in the middle of the night wondering if he was okay. I gave in and checked on him (he's usually such a light sleeper that this would wake him). He didn't stir even though I rested my hand on his belly. Huh.
Finally started some seeds for the garden today. Feels good to get that off the list. It's been on the list for 4 weeks, I think. Glad to make some progress. Now I just hope the seeds grow! D always says that's what they do so I shouldn't worry about it. But, I worry anyway. This time, I purchased organic seeds, meaning not genetically modified. What that really means is they were crazy expensive AND they probably won't have as high a germination rate as the regular gmo seeds. Fingers crossed they do indeed grow!
The little dude is cute as a button. I think his cuteness might at some point become problematic. Because we talk about it all the time. Seems unhealthy hear this kind of thing so much - how good one looks. I'm nervous about monitoring what I say and do. I wouldn't say we're BAD examples but I can't say I'd want a little person walking around in the world acting exactly like either one of us - or both of us. Profanity, burping, farting... It all needs to be toned down or stopped. How does one create balance here? I would like to still be myself WHILE setting a good example. Is this possible? Probably. We just have to figure it out.
Finally started some seeds for the garden today. Feels good to get that off the list. It's been on the list for 4 weeks, I think. Glad to make some progress. Now I just hope the seeds grow! D always says that's what they do so I shouldn't worry about it. But, I worry anyway. This time, I purchased organic seeds, meaning not genetically modified. What that really means is they were crazy expensive AND they probably won't have as high a germination rate as the regular gmo seeds. Fingers crossed they do indeed grow!
The little dude is cute as a button. I think his cuteness might at some point become problematic. Because we talk about it all the time. Seems unhealthy hear this kind of thing so much - how good one looks. I'm nervous about monitoring what I say and do. I wouldn't say we're BAD examples but I can't say I'd want a little person walking around in the world acting exactly like either one of us - or both of us. Profanity, burping, farting... It all needs to be toned down or stopped. How does one create balance here? I would like to still be myself WHILE setting a good example. Is this possible? Probably. We just have to figure it out.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
4 years and 10 days...
Until I turn 4-0.
What the what? That's insane!!
Anyway, long time no write. Life has been busy, true. Busier all the time. The little dude agrees. He's been dragging himself across the floor for more than a month now. I'm not sure he'll ever get what I consider "real crawling" down. It might always be a modified worm. Either way, he's mobile. Mobile enough to roll right off the changing table and if that wasn't enough to scare the life out of me... Our first and hopefully only ambulance ride. I feel a little silly about that now, but not really. How could I have taken him anywhere myself? He couldn't keep his eyes open, couldn't see or hear me, was vomiting and wimpering. I couldn't really put the boy in his rear facing car seat and just hope he stayed awake until we got to a hospital. Right?
Suffice it to say that it was an incredibly traumatic experience for all of us. At his 9 month check-up this morning, our pediatrician said that we will need to be the most vigilant in watching him during the next 9 months as it will take him at least that long to develop any sort of impulse control. Huh. I'm nervous that we won't do a good job keeping an eye on him/keeping him safe. I suppose we need to spend some time doing some serious baby-proofing.
What else is going on? Been super busy at work these days. Planning an event that I dreamed up in addition to taking care of my routine tasks. Why do I dream up additional work for myself you might ask. Well, it's the only thing keeping me going at this point, on the work front. It's new, challenging, a little exciting... I'm so frustrated with my supervisor and his inability supervising, I could tear out all of my hair and his. And he's got a lot of hair. (As I do.)
So, work's busy. Big D is busy with regular work and then theater stuff on top of that, so we haven't had much relaxing hang out time as of late. Poo. One more week and then things may settle down a bit.
My one remaining grand parent has developed something called "Sundowners", which seems to mean she goes completely insane as soon as the sun starts to set. Her sanity doesn't resume until the sun rises the following day. This is a bizarre phenomenon. I don't understand how this works or why this happens. Would it still happen if she couldn't see the sun/moon? Is it like turning into a werewolf, only less cool? I'm sure my mom would tell me it's nothing like werewolf. Wish I lived closer so I could be of some help or support to her. She's done pretty much all the care taking for both of her parents during their final years and it's really worn her down.
Our baby will be 1 year old in less than 3 months. That seems completely ridiculous. I find that so hard to believe. At 25lbs, he doesn't seem that much like a baby anymore. Huh. I'm a bit conflicted about weaning. I fancy us all sleeping through the night (but mostly me since I haven't had the opportunity to do that in 9 long months) but I also enjoy our quiet time together at night when he nurses. And, it's only 1x night which is sooooo much better than when he was a wee tiny baby. I barely even remember what he was like then.
Earlier this evening, when I was feeding the dude some dinner (lentils, which he liked & spinach, which he continues to dislike), there was a horrible crash of what sounded like heavy metal items. I happened to be on the phone with my mom at the time and she thought it may have been a traffic accident outside. It felt so close, I was (and still am) certain that the noise came from inside our house. I hate this kind of stuff - scary stuff that you can't see. Ugh. It's like a movie. Anyway, I walked all over the housing hold the phone and talking to my mom. Didn't find a thing. And no, it wasn't a traffic accident. The only other thing it could be is a person or animal hiding out under the crawlspace at the back of our house. I took a brief walk out there but didn't feel brave enough to go poking around by myself. If that was the case though, wouldn't there have been foot prints (animal or human) in the snow?
I am totally creeping myself out.
What the what? That's insane!!
Anyway, long time no write. Life has been busy, true. Busier all the time. The little dude agrees. He's been dragging himself across the floor for more than a month now. I'm not sure he'll ever get what I consider "real crawling" down. It might always be a modified worm. Either way, he's mobile. Mobile enough to roll right off the changing table and if that wasn't enough to scare the life out of me... Our first and hopefully only ambulance ride. I feel a little silly about that now, but not really. How could I have taken him anywhere myself? He couldn't keep his eyes open, couldn't see or hear me, was vomiting and wimpering. I couldn't really put the boy in his rear facing car seat and just hope he stayed awake until we got to a hospital. Right?
Suffice it to say that it was an incredibly traumatic experience for all of us. At his 9 month check-up this morning, our pediatrician said that we will need to be the most vigilant in watching him during the next 9 months as it will take him at least that long to develop any sort of impulse control. Huh. I'm nervous that we won't do a good job keeping an eye on him/keeping him safe. I suppose we need to spend some time doing some serious baby-proofing.
What else is going on? Been super busy at work these days. Planning an event that I dreamed up in addition to taking care of my routine tasks. Why do I dream up additional work for myself you might ask. Well, it's the only thing keeping me going at this point, on the work front. It's new, challenging, a little exciting... I'm so frustrated with my supervisor and his inability supervising, I could tear out all of my hair and his. And he's got a lot of hair. (As I do.)
So, work's busy. Big D is busy with regular work and then theater stuff on top of that, so we haven't had much relaxing hang out time as of late. Poo. One more week and then things may settle down a bit.
My one remaining grand parent has developed something called "Sundowners", which seems to mean she goes completely insane as soon as the sun starts to set. Her sanity doesn't resume until the sun rises the following day. This is a bizarre phenomenon. I don't understand how this works or why this happens. Would it still happen if she couldn't see the sun/moon? Is it like turning into a werewolf, only less cool? I'm sure my mom would tell me it's nothing like werewolf. Wish I lived closer so I could be of some help or support to her. She's done pretty much all the care taking for both of her parents during their final years and it's really worn her down.
Our baby will be 1 year old in less than 3 months. That seems completely ridiculous. I find that so hard to believe. At 25lbs, he doesn't seem that much like a baby anymore. Huh. I'm a bit conflicted about weaning. I fancy us all sleeping through the night (but mostly me since I haven't had the opportunity to do that in 9 long months) but I also enjoy our quiet time together at night when he nurses. And, it's only 1x night which is sooooo much better than when he was a wee tiny baby. I barely even remember what he was like then.
Earlier this evening, when I was feeding the dude some dinner (lentils, which he liked & spinach, which he continues to dislike), there was a horrible crash of what sounded like heavy metal items. I happened to be on the phone with my mom at the time and she thought it may have been a traffic accident outside. It felt so close, I was (and still am) certain that the noise came from inside our house. I hate this kind of stuff - scary stuff that you can't see. Ugh. It's like a movie. Anyway, I walked all over the housing hold the phone and talking to my mom. Didn't find a thing. And no, it wasn't a traffic accident. The only other thing it could be is a person or animal hiding out under the crawlspace at the back of our house. I took a brief walk out there but didn't feel brave enough to go poking around by myself. If that was the case though, wouldn't there have been foot prints (animal or human) in the snow?
I am totally creeping myself out.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
I gotta get some sleep
Somehow, I forgot to include the following event in the few blog posts I've written this year. This accomplishment was significant for me because I have an overwhelming fear of heights. When I'm in a high place, it's as if the very top of my head is the heaviest part of my body. I feel I have no choice but to fall from where ever I am. I know it's ridiculous. My colleague, Roger, who was filling in for me while I was out on maternity leave, planned a reflection and team building day for our exiting service members at a high ropes course. (!?!?!) Yeah, I would've never taken anyone there. We spent most of the day on ropes so low to the ground that I didn't expect anything like our high ropes course. When I first set eyes on it, I immediately began to panic. I sat out, gave someone else my harness, tried to breathe and not cry. But eventually I gave in and flipped the hell out. I started bawling. "I can't do this, I can't do this. I'm too afraid." The facilitators reassured me that I didn't have to do anything that I wasn't comfortable with, which was cool. We had such a great group of AmeriCorps members last year. They totally supported me and somehow I managed to do this. I made it through the whole course.
There are lots of things that I never thought I'd be able to do - and some of them I truly haven't done or even tried. I've also tried a good many things and succeeded at more than I thought I could. It's a good reminder that people are adaptible, flexible and resilient. It's been a year of new and unexpected challenges and today, I'm feeling pretty okay about it all. A few days ago, maybe not so much. Right now, I'm treading water and feeling good.
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