Boo Ya, It's Cold!

last night, i awoke abruptly as D was stealing my pillow - w/ 2 hands & everything - adamant that it was his, even though he was laying on his... a little later on, he jumped up & shouted, "I have to put out that fire over there!", pointing across the room. have i mentioned D's an "active" sleeper? today i was thinking back over recent & not-so-recent sleeping incidents. the first time i spent the weekend at truman, he looked at me & said, "You suck!" i didn't realize he was asleep & that made me feel bad. more recently, he punched me in boob while beating up "sport coat guy" in his dream. nothing beats peeing in the corner & arguing with me that he wasn't...

ugh. i really wish we could get out of here & visit the cool kids in ohio. haven't seen 'em since august, i think.

went to one of my regular yoga classes this week - a teacher i don't particularly care for, but her class is decent. she decided to conduct mini private lessons with each person instead of lead the class. initially, i thought it might work out ok but in the end, it was damn annoying & not at all what i go to yoga class for. i got one good thing out of it though: i stole the mantra of the lady next to me. "I am unlimited." every time i think it, i feel significantly better; calmer, more hopeful. so, i'm unlimited. thought you should know.

work's been a bit frustrating lately. my unlimitedness is helping though. i've officially held the position for 5 months. 19 more to go. :( probably not the best way to think about it... i have lots of hangups about the place. mostly the religion thing. finally got my business cards this past week. the backs of every other one say something about working in partnership w/ J.C. i sorted through & put those cards in the back of the box. i'm not handing that out to people. gives me the creeps.

got a work fundraiser to go to tomorrow night. we'll just call it an event showcasing comedians from different religions. wish religion was funny.

the coughing's mostly over

nothing too exciting going on these days. since the grant writing frenzy ended, going to work has felt unbelievably pointless. no challenges. not really using my brain. not even moving around much. turns out i have a strong dislike of desk jobs. i enjoy moving around during the day. after sitting for hours, i feel like my spine is compressing & my back just hurts. i'll take the cuts, bruises & dirty fingernails of carpentry over the backpain & boredom of desk work anyday... except my shoulder still doesn't work right, so i'm kinda stuck for now.

i got to go to a few job sites yesterday & at one, i taught the folks how to build a set of stairs, which was super fun (i'm a big, ol' dork & some days, i'm proud of it!). last week, i drew up a few construction details for the stair & as i was drawing everything out, i was filled with excitement & really wanted to build it myself. (whomever reads this crap, sorry. i know it's b-o-r-i-n-g.) anyway, i realized how much i enjoy the design-build process. i want to do both because they're both important & exciting to me. but i still don't know what kind of design-build work i'd like to do. i mean, that was part of my last job - but i was bored with the projects. so...that's what i've got to figure out now.

hm... i might go to a straw-bale building workshop in the beginning of march. could be exciting. the woman giving the workshop is an architect & builder that i've been admiring from afar (i read about her on the internet & met some folks in northern maryland who had worked w/ her a few years ago). maybe i want to be like her? dunno.

also, just to weigh in on the time machine vs wings debate: wings win every time for me. i have enough trouble living in the present. not really interested in going back in time, unless it's like watching a movie - no interacting, just watching - but i don't do that much movie or tv watching anyway, so why bother? i also have no interest in going back to relive parts of my life... once is enough, know what i mean? it would probably be pretty humiliating & awful anyway. flying just seems like fun.

celebrated my 31st birthday earlier this week. had an enjoyable day w/ D. we walked to federal hill & had some tasty thai for lunch & spent the afternoon at the science center. i was pretty pumped to see the body worlds 2 exhibit. but it wasn't mind-blowing at all. thought it might be horrific/creepy/interesting/bizarre. unfortunately, it was a bit of a let down. definitely bizarre. people turned to plastic, cut up & arranged in weird displays. i'm awful glad we have skin.

well, i survived the grant writing madness. phew. it shouldn't be so bad next year now that i'm familiar with all the info. 2 hours before it was due, i found out the info in one of the essays (that i kept from last year) was not true... that was pretty awesome. nothing like a little last minute drama. but it's done now & that's pretty great! at least i felt challenged at work for 2 weeks. i was working like a dog, but i can't say i don't like challenge. i hate feeling bored!

our kitchen sure is clean! i did some major cleaning in here yesterday & it feels much better. it's so hard to make this place feel clean. i can scrub the shit out of it & the paint is still bumpy & wierd, the walls are still discolored in places & the floor is always gross. hm. but, it's cheap. most of the time, i don't mind that it's rough around the edges. it's kind of charming - i can say this now that we haven't had any furry vermin in many moons. it's got a lot more charm & detail than most rehabbed places. sure, our bathroom has 3 surfaces sporting a range of colors & patters, from faded pink & tan to green, black & gold... it's quite an array. honestly, i kinda want to paint the place. but i'm resisting. the living room is massive & would take FOREVER & many many gallons of paint... plus, if we have to paint over it before we move out, that would really blow. so i'm holding out to see if it's a passing fancy or not. i'm picturing a really pretty pale green in the living room & a warm, fun color in the kitchen.

think i'm just getting bored w/ this space & myself. i would desperately like a haircut. i've definitely got a mop on my head. but the last lady i liked moved. hm. also feeling the urge to go shopping. this hits every once in a while. frugal living gets old at a certain point & i have to change things up a bit.

nothing too exciting going on. trying to figure out just what i can do to make my job challenging so i'll want to stick around. the guy i don't necessarily get along w/ is gone on vacation for a bit & that's kinda nice. i'm tired of being overly friendly all the time. it's a drag.

had hoped to have enough time to make some apple muffins tonight. but i went on a long walk w/ E & L. just enough time to finish making soup for my lunch tomorrow. i think that's all i've got. the nyquil D is kicking in. good stuff.

writing is hard

is it sad that i want to take a writing class? well, maybe. but maybe not. i mean, it's been almost 9 years since i wrote anything. turns out i miss being able to easily compose an intelligent essay. so i'm working on this grant - i use the word "working" very loosely. i spend most of my time reading through it & reading other materials about it & then procrastinating... :) that's me. eternal procrastinator. especially when it's something i'm excited about. it's
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so i wrote that several days ago... it's now friday. thought i'd get around to finishing it but that didn't happen. been working too many long days - cuz o this damn grant. it's kicking my ass. i finally started writing something. or, reorganizing all the info from previous grants & updating stuff & trying to put together a logical, concise essay. the one written last year is so damn rambly & awful. not sure if it's going ok at this point. but i'm DOING something & that's a step in the right direction.

looks like i'm gonna have a lot of comp time racked up by the time this is done. was thinking maybe we could skip town for a bit but D's schedule is pretty busy for a while yet w/ set & lights for the next show. lame.

i just got back from a nice walk w/ E & L (my old boss & his wife - & their kid, but he fell asleep, so it was almost like he wasn't really there). it's damn cold outside but i have to say, i really enjoy walking, even in the cold. i've worn 2 pairs of long johns every day this week, along w/ my regular pants (otherwise i probably would've been sent home for improper dress).

dan's buggin me to finish this & hang out w/ him. more later.

same old

what a f**king week.

sometimes i wish we were amish. sure, every day life would be a lot more difficult (physically demanding, time consuming tasks...) but at the same time, certain things would be a lot easier. (i guess the jebus thing would be a hang up for me too.)

the dwindling group of friends here in balto has really been getting to me this week. & the lack of challenge at my job is getting to me too. things are piling up & becoming frustrating. i feel ready to leave this place & have a new adventure somewhere else. but that just tells you how spoiled i've become w/ the whole job thing - i haven't had a solid job for ...hm.... almost 3 years, i think. apparently i'm a big baby.

thoughts about this past week:

• got a jury summons... better find a good book.
• read a lame book. the story of the guy from the movie Shine.
• skipped the 2nd meeting of the book club i was "trying". i need to make & take opportunities to be more social but i had a strong feeling it would suck.
• wish i could magically be gregarious instead of whatever the hell this is.
  
• fell down in the warehouse at work yesterday & realized i really don't bounce anymore.
  
• went for walks with my old boss, twice. his wife & kid are out of town & he's needing folks to hang with, just like me.
• watching reruns of the cosby show is GREAT.
  
• got some crappy news from a good college friend who's being forced to deal with her own mortality & that's shitty & wrong.... especially at 32.
• i feel very lucky to have dan in my life.
  

no thank you

just got back from a nice long winter walk by myself. would've enjoyed my boyfriend's company but he was at work - because i need money. at least, that's what he says. (of course, he's just teasing me. it's part of our routine...)

i really like walking in our neighborhood. there's such variety in building types & styles... as i was walking, i realized there are quite a few different places of worship in charles village. we've got all flavors of christian churches: catholic, episcopal, baptist, methodist, lutheran, & christian science, along with a masonic temple & a quaker meeting house. i'm so appreciative of my neighborhood & all of the different places i get to pass by every day. i've even checked out a few of them. the catholic church when the inlaws were in town once - they don't know i'm a heathen yet. i went to the episcopal church once w/ my friend katie - just to check it out. for the past few years i've really wanted to have a stronger spiritual connection of some sort, so i decided to give the episcopalians a whirl. one thing i like about catholic church is, generally, there are a lot of people present & it's not difficult to feel anonymous, which i enjoy. anyway, so the episcopal service i went to was in a cute basement chapel. it was pretty small & there were less than 20 people present. anyway, i was mostly comfortable until everyone got up & formed a circle on the altar. (i didn't realize this was communion time... ) so the priest blesses the hosts & wine & walks around the circle to each person, passing out communion. the fact that i don't take communion because i don't believe in jesus christ is something i feel strongly about, even if it makes me feel awkward. so, the priest gets to me (mind you it's so silent you could hear a pin drop) & i loudly whisper "no thank you." i think i actually had to say it twice because he didn't hear me the first time. anyway, he stopped & said a special blessing over me - probably so i don't go to hell - & continued around the circle. not sure i've ever felt quite so awkward. i was thinking about checking out the quaker meeting house on my walk & then i remembered the episcopalians...

i gotsta get myself in bed. it's getting late & i have a crappy cold that requires lots of rest.

too short & too long

our whirlwind holiday trip came to a close upon our safe arrival in Balto yesterday afternoon. (we deplaned on to the tarmac & everything. did we step into a '60s movie? nope...) our visit was good - chock full of family gatherings, with a few friends sprinkled in here & there. actually, it was pretty exhausting. in my old age, i don't even sleep well in my old bedroom - just because it's not "home" - or because i suck. i slept the entire 2 hour flight back to balto & duration of the 45 minute train ride to the city. D ended up having to rush off to work as soon as we got in the door & i sat down to continue reading this fabulous book new book Eat, Pray, Love, (thanks, Marmy!). at some point, the growing weight of my eyelids took over, so i surrendered to a 15 minute disco nap. i woke up 2 hours later (in the same chair). sooo... my life is very very exciting.

earlier this week i asked my mom what i was like as a baby... dan & my friend katie previously shared the sentiment that they're just trying to get back to the way they were at age 11 or 12 - because that person is who they are in the fullest expression of themselves. i don't remember ever feeling that way. but i think parts of our personality probably always existed. maybe we're destined to have a particular disposition. my mom characterized me as careful, serious & quiet - an observer. she had to be careful what she said because i took everything literally. as far as i can remember, i have always been this way. i wonder if i was predisposed to be this version of me or if i learned it as a coping mechanism... hm. i'll never know. (although i don't really think of myself as serious. most people might see me that way though - unless they know me really well. i'm pretty silly.)

dan's mom said he was always very laid back & still is.... lucky bastard!

i finally got some holiday cards in the mail right before we left town. what a relief! i still have another 4 days off work & i'm not quite sure what to do with myself. katie may be coming down for a visit over new years. we shall see.

i close w/ photos of BABIES!

my little brother & my niece in their jammies, home sick the day after christmas. they may be sick, but they're still cute!

grandpa o'b & the newest member of dan's family, elizabeth. (she was sick too - but still very cute.)

my buddy, mama grass & little baby grass. not sick & very cute, although blurry. (those babies, they're wiggly worms.) during our visit, dan was sharing with him some sweet sweet dance moves.